October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Take Note Of Change

| Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer is having problems at the self checkout lane.)

Customer: “Excuse me, the machine isn’t taking my dollar.”

Me: “Miss, there’s a quarter sticking out of the bill slot.”

Customer: “Yes, there’s two dimes and a nickel in there too!”

Me: “You didn’t think to use the coin slot for those?”

Customer: “The what?”

The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One

| Traverse City, MI, USA | Top, Tourists/Travel

Me: “Thank you for calling the [hotel]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: *in a British accent* “I need a room for tonight.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are booked.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “It’s the 4th of July. We’re always booked on the 4th.”

Customer: “I know the date! Why are you booked?”

Me: “Um, it’s July 4th.”

Customer: “Listen, just give me a room!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we are sold out. The entire town is sold out.”

Customer: “The entire town? Why?”

Me: “Sir, it’s the 4th of July. Independence day.”

Customer: “Independence from what?”

Me: “Um, England.”

Customer: “Oh bloody h***!” *click*

Death Becomes Her

| Newfoundland, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “Yes, yes. Sure is busy here.”

Me: “I guess that’s because of the season, ma’am. Everyone’s out getting last-minute holiday gifts.”

Customer: “Oh, I see, yes. I haven’t needed to buy any gifts for a while. Everyone I love is dead.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that!”

Customer: *stares at me intently* “Someday, everyone you love will be dead, too.”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Merry Christmas, now!”

Clarissa Kent To The Rescue

| Tennessee, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: These are very frequent customers of ours.)

Me: “Hey Mr.***. How’re you guys doing tonight?”

Customer: “Um, hi…uh…do you by any chance have a twin?”

Me: “A twin? No. Why?”

Customer: “It’s just that there’s a girl who works here and usually serves us. She looks just like you, but she wears glasses.”

Me: “Oh, that is me. I just took my glasses off.”

Customer: “No! It’s not you, I know you’re her twin! She always has glasses on! Is she here tonight? I want her to serve us. I don’t know you.”

Me: “Um, yeah, sure. Hang on…”

(I go in back, put on my glasses, and come back to their table.)

Me: “Hey Mr.***, how’re you guys doing tonight?”

Customer: “Oh ***, there you are! We we just met your twin! Why didn’t you ever tell us?”

Bad Customer Tip #103: Pull A Clark Kent

Ah, Mothers, Part 3

| Morristown, TN, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes in with a friend to translate for her, since she does not speak very good English.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you today?”

Customer: “Hello. You remember me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t. I see a lot of people every day.”

Customer: “Well, you remember my daughter, right?”

Me: “No, I don’t…sorry. Is she with you?”

Customer: “No, but you two would look good together!”

Me: *laughing* “I’m sorry, but I’m engaged.”

Customer: “You gay? I sorry! Sorry!”

Customer’s friend: *translating* “No, he said engaged.”

Customer: “Oh, you getting married. Well she no care if you married. She very pretty, and tall!”

Ah, Mothers, Part 2
Ah, Mothers

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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