Bloody Stupid

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Top

(The previous customer had purchased nineteen whole chickens. The packaging leaked chicken blood/juice onto the cashier belt.)

Me: “Just one second, ma’am. I’m going to clean the belt off first. There’s a ton of chicken blood on it and it’s pretty nasty.”

Customer: “Excuse me? Do you think I’m stupid?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t quite get what you mean.”

Customer: “I’m not an idiot. A chicken is a bird, and birds don’t bleed!”

A Real Classic

| Rochester, NY, USA | Top

(I am a customer talking to a sales person when I am interrupted by another customer.)

Customer: “Do you have any Beethoven?”

Sales Person: “Certainly, our Classical section has quite a selection of Beethoven.”

Customer: “Well, I couldn’t find any of Beethoven, only various orchestras performing Beethoven’s music. Don’t you have any live Beethoven?”

Sales Person: “Well, no we don’t, and I don’t think you will manage to find that anywhere.”

Customer: “Well I bet [other store] has it across the way.”

Sales Person: “Well, I would doubt that, but you are welcome to check.”

Customer: “Why don’t you think they will have it?”

Me: (I just had to interrupt.) “Well, because everyone knows that all the live copies of Beethoven burned up in his estate fire.”

Customer: “Well I didn’t know that. So if there are no live recordings anywhere, how do people know what it sounds like?”

Me: “Well the sheet music was luckily printed on fireproof paper.”

Customer: “Wow, they had fireproof paper back then?”

Santa Baby

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

(I am a supervisor in a daycare. It is Christmas Eve and a child’s mother has arrived to pick him up.)

Mother: “So, is it okay if I send in his presents with him tomorrow so he can open them here?”

Me: “Tomorrow? It’s Christmas Day tomorrow…we’ll be closed.”

Mother: “What? You’re closed tomorrow? But what am I supposed to do with my kid?”

Me: “Oh, do you have to work tomorrow? That’s unfortunate.”

Mother: “Work tomorrow? No, I booked it off a long time ago. Why are you closed tomorrow? You’re always open!”

Me: “Christmas Day is the only day we’re closed all year.”

Mother: “Well I don’t want him under my feet on Christmas!”

Me: “Um…”

Mother: “You don’t want to baby-sit, do you?”

Social (Network) Security

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer: *hands me a credit card*

Me: “Thanks, I just need to see a photo ID with this.”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “Well, do you have a school, work, or military ID? Pretty much any way to match your name and face will work.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have…wait!”

(The customer digs in her purse and pulls out a phone.)

Customer: “I have a Facebook, will that work?”

(The customer pulls up her account and shows it to the clerk.)

Me: “Well I guess for today, but next time we’ll need a physical ID.”

(The customer finishes paying and the next customer steps up.)

Customer 2: “Now just to let you know I don’t have my ID either, but I do have a MySpace.”

Reality Bites, And So Do Customers

| Delaware, OH, USA | Top, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a historical site of the civil war, dressing and acting as if we were still in that time period)

Tourist: “Is that fire real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “Is the water you’re drinking real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “Are your clothes real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “Are you real?”

Me: “Yes.”

Tourist: “This place isn’t very interesting.”

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