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    Cue Dramatic Music

    , | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a personal pan pizza for my son.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re all out of personal pans for the day. Can I get you something else?”

    Customer: “No! I guess my son will just have to go ahead and STARVE!”

    Me: “…”

    Fine, We’ll Just Shout And Yell

    , | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    Customer: “I think it’s very rude for you to talk on your cellphone while you’re at work.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a cellphone; it’s a headset. We use them to communicate with the other employees.”

    Customer: “That’s VERY rude.”

    Mmmmm, Powder

    , | Portland, OR, USA |

    Customer: “Do your smoothies have egg whites in them?”

    Me: “Yes, the thickening powder contains dry egg whites.”

    Customer: “Can you make it without the powder then?”

    Me: “Not really, because then your drink would just be orange juice and ice.”

    Customer: “Oh, can I have the powder on the side, then?”

    Land Of The Free, Home Of The Unobservant

    | Sunnyvale, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I lost my CD key and I need a new one.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. In order for me to provide you with a replacement key, I need you to email me a picture of the CD as proof of ownership.”

    Customer: “What? But I only need a CD key. I paid for it last week!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but due to piracy issues, I have to get proof that you own an original copy of the CD or anyone could call and claim they bought the game, yet have an illegal copy.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! I paid forty f***ing dollars for this game and I need a CD key for it?”

    Me: “I can provide you with a key if you will simply email me a picture of your CD.”

    Customer: “No! This is America! If I say I paid for it, you should trust me! I’m going to report your company to the Attorney General! You ripped me off and won’t provide me with the product I paid for!”

    Me: “Sir–”

    Customer: “Oh, wait… the CD key is here on the plastic case.” *hangs up*

    Just Wanted To Be Extra Extra Sure

    , | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    (The power went out on campus. We have generator power in some parts of the school, particularly where I am. Then, an admin assistant calls…)

    Me: “Help Desk, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Admin Assistant: “How can I shut my computer off?”

    Me: “Okay. The beeping you hear in your room is a UPS. It’s going to keep your computer powered on for only about 19 minutes at best, so it’s good you called. Go into your Start menu and shut your computer down through the shut down option.

    Admin Assistant: “Okay, where?”

    Me: *explains how to shut down a computer*

    Admin Assistant: “I don’t see where you’re talking about.”

    Me: “Okay, do you see your computer screen?”

    Admin Assistant: “No, it’s dark in here. It’s dark everywhere. The power went out.”

    Me: “Yes, I know. It’s out all over campus. ”

    Admin Assistant: “Yeah, so I can’t see anything in here. My computer is off.”

    Me: “Okay… your computer is off? Then why did you call? What do you need?”

    Admin Assistant: “I don’t know. I just wanted to know how to shut my computer down.”

    (I’m not kidding. This really happened. I’ve read similar stories on other web sites. But this is actually what happened to me when I was working a university help desk. Computer Science department, no less.)

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