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    Occasionally, Minute Men Do Come In Handy

    | Quebec City, Canada |

    (Please note that I work in a beautiful 4-star hotel.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, how may I help you?”

    Husband: “We would like to have a room for tonight.”

    Me: “Okay, I have a room with a queen size bed. Is that okay for you?”

    Wife: “How much is it?”

    Me: “$127.”

    Husband: “Well, can you offer me a better price?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t.

    Husband: “Okay, that’s fine.”

    Me: “Here is your key; your room is on the 5th floor and is a VIP room. Have a nice stay!”

    (22 minutes later…)

    Wife: “We would like to have our money back.”

    Me: May I ask you why?

    Wife: “Uh, we don’t like the decoration.”

    Me: “I’m sorry madam, but I can’t give you your money back… you stayed in the room for 25 minutes.”

    Wife: “… and?!”

    Me: “Why didn’t you come back after 5 minutes?”

    Wife: “… because!”

    (We all know what they did during 25 minutes!)

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Passing The Buck

    | Des Moines, IA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I have a problem with you guys! You are trying to screw me!”

    Me: “Ok, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I am trying to buy a house. Your company is showing a unpaid bill for $5000, and my bank has denied my loan because of this.”

    Me: “Well, according to our records you purchased an air conditioner two years ago for $3500. You made two payments of $150 and never made another payment.”

    Customer: “Yes, so?”

    Me: “Well, you never paid for the item so we reported it as such.”

    Customer: “But I sold that house a year and a half ago!”

    Me: “But you never paid for the air conditioner.”

    Customer: “I KNOW THAT! WHY WOULD I PAY FOR SOMETHING I DON’T OWN! CALL THE NEW OWNERS AND GET YOUR MONEY, AND GET THIS OFF MY CREDIT REPORT!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but we agreed to extend credit to you, not the new owners of the house. You signed the agreement, not them.”

    Customer: “Where am I supposed to get $5000?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but all I can think of is when you got the money for selling the home with the air conditioner, you should have paid the account balance off.”

    Customer: “I TOLD YOU I AM NOT GOING TO PAY FOR SOMETHING I DON’T HAVE!”

    Me: “Okay, then I guess this call is over and I hope you get your bank to loan you the money.”

    Customer: “So you fixed it?”

    Me: “I sure did. Have a great day.”

    (All I did was update her account with her new address and phone number. The legal dept had noted on the account they had been unable to locate her after she sold the home… they’ll definitely find her now.)

    Oooh, So That’s What Marriage Is For

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (A guy has been leaning over the counter trying to chat me up while I rang up his purchases. Finally, he notices the rings on my finger.)

    Customer: “Oh, you’re married?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Don’t you find that puts guys off?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Mission Impossible, Part 4

    , | Ogallala, NE, USA |

    (A customer is buying a file cabinet. ¬†As I’m taking it out for her, the cabinet falls off of the hand truck and the lock gets pushed in.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. The damage isn’t bad. Would you like us to fix it for you?”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy this undamaged!”

    Me: “Of course, we could put together a new one for you.”

    Customer: “I wanted this one.”

    Me: “So shall I take it back and have it repaired?”

    Customer: “I wanted it the way it was!”

    Me: “I understand that, but the damage has been done. If you like, we can refund your money.”

    Customer: “I don’t want a refund. ”

    Me: “Okay… what do you want to do?”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy this like it was.”

    Me: *getting frustrated* “Okay, so what do you want to do?”

    Customer: “I wanted to buy this cabinet like it was! Undamaged!”

    Me: “Well, once you decide what you want to do, you let me know.”

    (At this point, I take the cabinet into the back room and stay there. I never did find out what she did.)

    Related:
    Related:
    Mission: Impossible, Part 2
    Mission: Impossible

    Mission Impossible, Part 3

    Biting The Hand That Feeds You

    | The Netherlands |

    (Even though I stutter a bit, I never had any trouble helping customers. This customer thought otherwise.)

    Me: “C-can I help you sir?”

    Customer: *odd look* “Yes, I’d like a pack of cigarettes.”

    Me: “Okay, that’s th-three ni-ninety please.”

    Customer: “HELP! THIS GIRL CAN’T HELP ME!”

    (At this point my colleague enters the shop, standing at the second cash register which is closed.)

    Customer: “You! You can help me!”

    Colleague: “I’m sorry, this cash register is closed. My colleague will help you.”

    Customer: “But she can’t help me!”

    (A line was begins to form behind the customer.)

    Customer, to me: “So… he says you can help me.”

    Me: “No, I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “WHY?!”

    Me: “I don’t help a**holes.”

    Customer: *swears and leaves the store*

    Related:
    Never Smart: Biting The Hand That Makes Your Coffee

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