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  • His Attitude Speaks Volumes
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    If The Shoe Fits…

    | Santa Rosa, CA, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling **** Orthopedic office. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “PUT MY DAUGHTER ON THE PHONE!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? This is **** Ortho–”

    Caller: “No it isn’t! Now put my daughter on the phone right now! She knows she isn’t supposed to have boys over!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I think you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “NO I DON’T.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid–”

    Caller: “You better be! I’m on my way home RIGHT NOW and god help you if you’re still there!”

    (By this point we have several calls waiting to be answered. My supervisor signals me to transfer the call to them so I can get back to my job.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I assure you this is a medical office. Would you like to speak to my supervisor?”

    Caller: *dripping with sarcasm* “Oh suuuure! Put me through to your supervisor!”

    Supervisor: “Thank you for calling **** Orthopedics, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “WHAT?! WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?!”

    (It took several minutes for my supervisor to get the woman off the phone, after which she called three more times…)

    Yeah, But Our Delhis Come With Salami

    | Mount Laurel, NJ, USA |

    (Please note that I have a rather generic first name for the US, generic like, say, John or Mike.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ******* Tech Shop, ***** speaking. Can I help you?”

    Irate customer: “Can I speak to a f**king American?”

    Me: “Last time I checked, I’m an American. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? Well where are you!?”

    Me: “Mount Laurel, New Jersey–in the store you called.”

    Customer: “That sounds like it’s in India.”

    Me: “Unless New Jersey has moved recently, we’re part of the US…”

    Customer: “Just let me speak to an American, d**n it!”

    Me: “Yes sir, please hold.”

    (At this point I transferred him to the Wilmington, DE store, as we do with many of our irate customers.)

    Conscience: We Loves It

    | Madison, WI, USA | Top

    (Background story: This is around Halloween, and Halloween parties in Madison is THE biggest event of the year. My store had many Halloween costumes and other Halloween-related products during that time. I was at my cash register for check-out when a customer came to me.)

    Customer: “Hi. Uhh… I’d like to buy these.”

    (The customer puts down a wig, make-ups, a pantyhose, condoms, and lubes on my register.)

    Me: “Ok.” *starts scanning*

    Customer: “…”

    Me: *still scanning*

    Customer: “DON’T JUDGE ME!!!!” *runs out*

    Me: “!?!”

    Time To Move The Bodies In The Backyard

    | Northern California, USA |

    Dog Owner: “Yeah, my Golden Retriever keeps bringing things back to me. Do you know why?”

    Trainer: “Well, ma’am, what’s the second word in the breed’s name?”

    Owner: “Uh…retriever?”

    Trainer: “That would be why.”

    Note To Self: Stop Wearing Ninja Outfit To Work

    | Mission Viejo, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me sir, where are the Exacto knives?”

    Me: “They’re on aisle 24, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Thank you, you do seem like someone who would know where the knives are.” *walks off*

    Me: “…”


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