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    Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 5

    | United Kingdom | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [service provider]. How may I help you today?”

    Customer: “Well, I bought one of these mobile phones, only I don’t find it very ‘mobile’.”

    Me: “I’m not really sure I understand the nature of your problem. Are you not receiving a good signal strength?”

    Customer: “I’m able to call people. It’s just that I had a corded phone before, and this one is no better. I can’t get any further away from the wall.”

    Me: “Do you have the handset attached to the charger cable?

    Customer: “Yeah, the booklet said to plug it in before I can use it. This is crazy! I spent all this money and it’s still got 3 feet of cable!”

    Me: “Ma’am, once the phone has had the initial charge of around 12 hours, you can detach the cable and take it with you where ever you like.”

    Customer: “Oh! Asking my son would have been much less embarrassing. Thanks!”

    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 4
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 3
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless, Part 2
    Wireless, Clueless & Hopeless

    Caught In Your Own Conundrum

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA | Uncategorized

    (The company I work for sends out notices to people with FHA home loans letting them know that they may be eligible for a new FHA program, and to call us for more information.)

    Me: “Hi, this is ***. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Take me off your mailing list!”

    Me: “Okay, that’s no problem. What’s the file-number on the notice?”

    Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

    Me: “I just need that so I can pull up your file and remove you from the system.”

    Caller: “I’m not giving you any information!”

    Me: “But then I don’t know who you are.”

    Caller: “Good!”

    Me: “But then how do I know who to stop sending the notice to?”

    Caller: *several seconds of silence, and then she hangs up*

    Scratching Is Believing

    | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

    (A customer appears at my elbow and grabs my arm.)

    Customer: “You’re wearing too much make-up!”

    Me: “I’m not wearing any makeup. I just have chap stick on my lips.”

    Customer: “I don’t believe you!”

    (Suddenly, the customer scratches her nail down my cheek and checks under it for make-up.)

    Customer: “Oh, I guess you’re not. You have lovely skin.” Walks away*

    (Her scratch left a huge red mark on my lovely skin that was still clearly visible three days later.)

    Cereal Alcoholic

    | Manitoba, Canada | Uncategorized

    (It is 9 AM. I am serving a mother and her young son.)

    Me: “Can I get you anything to drink while you’re looking at the menus?”

    Mom: “What’s in a Roy Rogers?”

    Me: “Grenadine and coke.”

    Son: “I want that!”

    Mom: “No, you can’t have coke for breakfast!” *to me* “Can you make it with sprite instead?”

    Seriously Bad Hair Day

    | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

    (It’s 10pm we are in the final motions of locking up, registers closed and lights off. I’m just locking the door.)

    Customer: *runs up in a panic* “Oh no! You are closed? It’s an emergency! I really need to buy one thing!”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re closed. Maybe you could come back in the morning.”

    Customer: “No! I can’t wait that long-this is an emergency! Please help me!”

    Me: “OK, I suppose I can help you quickly for an emergency. Do you need antibiotics or paracetamol or something?”

    Customer: “I need a packet of hair pins!”