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  • Same Disgusting Difference

    | USA |

    Customer: “I need to return these bladder control pads. They won’t work for me.”

    Me: “Sorry, you can no longer return anything to this store of that nature.”

    Customer: “Why?!”

    Me: “Not only has it been opened, but you used a pad and put it back in the package.”

    Customer: “I didn’t use it! I only tried it on!”

    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I need a driver’s licence. ”

    Me: “Okay… you can come to our office; as it is Saturday, we are open ’till 12:30 pm.”

    Caller: “I can’t make it in time, can you fax me one?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. It’s a plastic card and it can not be faxed or emailed. We also have to take your photo, so this can be done only in person.”

    Caller: “It was my birthday yesterday, so my licence is expired. Can’t you do it over the phone?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I can not send you a plastic licence over the phone.”

    Caller: “F*** you!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t do that over the phone, either.”

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For

    Choose Your Battles

    | Lake Creek, TX, USA |

    (Note: I’m about five-seven, one-hundred forty pounds and work at a video game store. My best friend is a foot taller, and about a hundred pounds heavier.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh yeah, I bought this stupid hockey-game, and I wanna return it ’cause I don’t like it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry sir, but you can’t simply return a game because you didn’t like it.”

    Customer: “Uh… I mean, the game doesn’t work right.”

    Me: “Sir, you just told me that you didn’t like the game, not that it was defective.”

    Customer: *click*

    (Thirty minutes later, I’ve just opened the store and my best friend stops by. The same customer storms in with a game.)

    Customer: “Uh, yeah, I just called about thirty minutes ago, and some guy said I could get my money back because I didn’t like this game.”

    Me: “Sir, the person you spoke to was me. I’ll tell you now, as I told you then, you can’t get a refund for a game if you don’t like it. Nor can you get an exchange.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m just gonna have to come across the counter and kick your a**, you son of a b****!”

    My friend: “Hey, really quick, could I get your name and if you have any severe allergies to pain-killers?”

    Customer, to my friend: “Who the h*** are you, and what the h*** are you doing?!”

    My friend: “I’m his wrestling and sparring partner, and I’m calling you an ambulance.”

    (The customer leaves, quickly. And yes, my best friend is also my wrestling and sparring partner, for the past 3 years.)

    Chippendales, The Golden Years

    | Syracuse, NY, USA |

    (Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

    Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

    Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

    Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    The Danger With Rhetorical Questions

    | Dallas, TX, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ******, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I am in the back office and someone told me that we were supposed to be able to use wireless keyboards, so I cut the cable.”

    Me: “You… cut the cable?”

    Customer: “Yes, and now it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “You cut the cable on your keyboard, and now it doesn’t work?”

    Customer: “Yes”

    Me: “You’re going to have to buy a new keyboard.”

    Customer: “Why? I was told we could use wireless keyboards.”

    Me: “That is not a wireless keyboard.”

    Customer: “Yes it is.”

    Me: “Just because you cut the cord does not make it wireless.”

    Customer: “Can’t you just make it work?”

    Me: “Does your phone have a cable?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “If you cut it, do you think your phone will work?”

    Customer: *line disconnects after 20 seconds of silence*

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