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    Ah, Fathers

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada |

    (I was a cashier and father and young son were in line.)

    Son: “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff!”

    Dad: “Yeah, I might have to sell your bike to pay for it all.”

    Son: “Noooo, not my bike!”

    Dad: *laughs* “No, I wouldn’t sell your bike for food. Although, I might sell it for beer…”

    Blue Screen Flash Of Death

    | Mt. Laurel, NJ, USA |

    (Client, a postman, walks in with his older machine. He sets it down on the desk, I turn it on and dust comes out the back. He explains how slow it’s been and how much he hates Windows Millennium Edition.)

    Me: “We can fix that up for you, but with the cost of the upgrade to Windows XP, the memory to support it, etc, it might be wise just to purchase a new computer and transfer the data.”

    Him: “Nah, that’s alright. I like this one.”

    (I go around the desk to fetch his paper work. He somehow finds a paper clip and decides to remove the dust on the back of his power supply fan with it. Shortly thereafter, a blue flash comes out the back, he jumps a bit, and the computer turns off.)

    Him: “Yanno what, I’ll just get that data backup.”

    Me: “One moment, please…”

    (Every customer in line and all of my employees cried laughing. Poor guy.)

    No, Thank YOU!

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Customer: “You have shoe with knife on bottom?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “Shoe with knife on bottom!”

    Me: “Do you mean ice skates?”

    Customer: “Yes, skate!”

    Me: “Yes, we do sell ice skates.”

    Customer: “NO! You have skate?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Customer: “So you have shoe with knife on bottom?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    Me: “You’re welcome–”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    Me: “You’re wel–”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    *click*

    Please Do Not Pet The Employees

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    (I was a volunteer at the zoo, and was walking around an exhibit room with a boa constrictor in my arms so people could pet her.)

    Man: “Can we pet it? It’s not slimy, is it?”

    Me: “No sir, not at all. She’s very sweet, go ahead.”

    Man: *pets snake* “Wow, it’s really soft.” *reaches for my head* “Let’s see if its handler is, too…”

    Me: “?!?” *dodges his hand*

    (Thankfully, he left quickly!)

    Always Right, Even If It Requires Changing The Space-Time Continuum

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA |

    (A customer walks up to the box office, obviously very angry. She throws a newspaper down onto the counter.)

    Customer: “Sir, these show times are wrong.”

    Me: “Ma’am, those are yesterday’s show times.”

    Customer: *smugly* “Well, why are they in today’s paper?”

    Me: “That’s yesterday’s paper.”

    Customer: “Oh… well, they’re still wrong!”

    Me: “…”

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