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    At Least She’s Not Returning Used Diapers

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”

    Coworker: “Alright, may I see your receipt?”

    (The customer hands over a receipt dated about 7 months ago.)

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”

    Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”

    Customer: “Well, what am -I- supposed to do with them? Why should -I- lose money because of this?!”

    Coworker: “…”

    A Mother’s Love

    | Spokane, WA, USA | Top

    (A pimply, overweight 18 year-old boy dumps a satin black flame-job man thong on the counter.)

    Boy: “Uh, can I return this? My mom got it for me.”

    Sheet Happens

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    (Customer calls our department.)

    Me: “Bath and Bedding Department…”

    Customer: “Yes, do you guys carry sheets?”

    Me: “Yes we do.”

    Customer: “Do you carry king sized sheets?”

    Me: “Yes we do.”

    Customer: “Do you have a lot of sheets?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have a wide variety of sheets.”

    Customer: “Good. I need you to put on hold for me a green set. Then again, put on hold a rose color too. Oh, and ivory and white. And some navy. I’ll be in to pick out what I want.”

    Me: “But what kind of sheets? We have several brands and thread counts to choose from…”

    Customer: “What is your name?”

    Me: *gives her my name*

    Customer: “Okay, I am going to come into your store and find you! Just be sure to get me those colors. I’ll be there in an hour!” *hangs up*

    (Of course, she never showed up.)

    Is That An Ethernet Cable In Your Pocket…

    | Israel |

    (Talking to a female customer…)

    Me: “Do you see the ‘Local Area Connection’ icon?”

    Customer: “Yes, I see your ‘Local Erection’.”

    More Clueless Than Keyless

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (After being in the same little hut for 25 years we moved the keyshop to a larger, inline store 120 feet away. After moving EVERYTHING except the counters to the new location I am in the old shop getting ready to lock it up until it is torn down.)

    (A customer walks in and drops 2 keys on the counter.)

    Customer: “Make me 2 of each.”

    Me: “I am sorry, this location is closed…you have to go to the new key shop over there.”

    Customer: “I’m not walking over there. I always get my keys here. Make me two of them.”

    Me: “How?”

    Customer: “What do you mean, ‘How’?”

    Me: “Well there are no keys blanks on the wall, there are no key machines on the counter, there is no cash register. In fact there are no light fixtures in the building, the air conditioner is gone, the signs are gone from the roof and the electricity is turned off. This is building is totally empty except for you and me. So how do you expect me to make you four keys?”

    Customer: “Ah, where did you say I have to go?”


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