Constant New Viruses Are Such A Strain

| Maryland, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can you recommend a perfect anti-virus to use on my computer?”

Me: “At the rate viruses are coming out sir, there isn’t really any that protect your computer perfectly.”

Customer: “So they don’t really work?”

Me: “No, not really sir.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, which one doesn’t work the least?”

Sales (Baby) Boom

| Denver, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(The store allows you to pay off your store credit card bill at any of their stores. I was in the store paying off the company’s bill at one of the regular checkout stations. I had my 5 month old son with me in his carrier, which I put on the counter while the clerk was scanning the statement stub and the check. Another customer came up behind us, saw the carrier, but no items, on the counter and the clerk scanning a check.)

Customer: “Is she buying a baby?”

Clerk: *without missing a beat* “Yep, she got the last one on the shelf.”

Incheon Further Away From The Answer, Part 2

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I’m an Asian Spanish/English interpreter in charge of taking care of our Spanish speaking custumers. I approach a Mexican customer.)

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Oh my god, you speak Spanish!”

Me: “Yes I do, it’s a service provided by our store for your convenience. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “But you’re Chinese!”

Me: “I’m actually Korean born and raised in Argentina, so it’s easier for me to speak in Spanish.”

Customer: “That’s not possible! Chinese people only speak Chinese!”

Me: “I assure you I’m not Chinese and cannot speak Chinese at all.”

Customer: “But…but Chinese people should speak Chinese!”

Related:
Incheon Further Away From The Answer

Bread And Prejudice

| Ireland | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Religion, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can I have a ham and cheese sandwich please?”

Me: “Would you like that on white or brown bread?”

Customer: “I don’t mind. I’m not prejudiced.”

Me: “You’re not… prejudiced?”

Customer: “Not at all, sure the other day I ate some ‘properdoms’!” (That’s how she pronounced papadums – the flat crunchy bread you get in Indian restaurants.) “They were lovely.”

Me: “Oh good. Now what type of bread would you like?”

(At this point a woman of another ethnicity that had been served by my co-worker leaves. Suddenly, this customer becomes visibly relieved.)

Customer: “Give me some good, God-fearing white bread!”

Bird Brained, Part 7

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(I overhear a group of teenagers talking while looking at the penguin exhibit.)

Teenager 1: “What exactly is a penguin?”

Teenager 2: “Are you that stupid? A penguin is a fish!”

Teenager 2: “No. A penguin is an amphibian. You know, like frogs.”

Teenager 1: “You know guys I think penguins are mammals, because they got fur. ”

Me: *addressing everybody at exhibit* “The penguin is a unique bird that can ‘fly’ in the water.”

Teenager 2: *after looking at his friends in awe* “I still think it’s a fish.”

Related:
Early Bird Brained
Bird Brained
Bird Brained, Part 2
Bird Brained, Part 3
Bird Brained, Part 4
Bird Brained, Part 5
Bird Brained, Part 6

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