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    Hopefully They Didn’t Fly, Because Someone’s Walking Home

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How may I help you?”

    Hotel Guest: “I was charged for two movies last night that I did not watch.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately I can not adjust these movies off. They were completely viewed from beginning to end–both movies.”

    Hotel Guest: “That’s absurd, there’s no way I saw those movies last night. I was asleep. What are the movies that were watched?”

    Me: “They’re adult movies, ma’am…”

    Hotel Guest: *enraged* “I DID NOT WATCH ANY DIRTY MOVIES!”

    Me: “Is there someone else in your room that may have ordered them?”

    Hotel Guest: “It’s just me and my boyfriend…”

    Me: *tight smile*

    Hotel Guest: “Oh. My. God. He ordered porn. We’re at a romantic getaway and he orders porn! I’m going to kill him!”

    Related:
    Hopefully, She Got The House

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    She Saw Seashells And Social Strata

    | Petaluma, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello, thank you for calling ***, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have any floating candles?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, we have a Fourth of July set of red, white and blue star-shaped floating candles, and we also carry a set shaped like seashells.”

    Customer: “Yeah, I saw those. The seashells are too ghetto. Do you have any plain white ones?”

    Me: “No, I’m afraid the seashells and the stars are all we have. They’re too… ghetto, did you say?”

    Customer: “Yeah, this is for an outdoor party, you know? Thanks anyway.”

    We All Feel Your Pain

    | Altoona, PA, USA |

    (I was in line to pay for a snack at a local convenience store when an elderly woman comes in, heads right to the front of the line.)

    Customer: “My gas tank isn’t filled.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, I’m waiting on these customers right now. ¬†If you get in line, I’ll be happy to–”

    Customer: “No!¬†Your gas isn’t filling my tank, and I want to know why.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, may I help you?”

    Customer: “Your gas doesn’t fill up my tank. I came in with less than half a tank and your gas didn’t even fill it up three quarters of the way!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am. ¬†I’ll have someone come in and look at the pump you were using. ¬†For right now, you’re welcome to go to one of our other pumps and finish filling your tank.”

    Employee, to the manager: “She only prepaid $10…”

    Manager: “You prepaid for $10 of gas?”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Manager: “And… $10 isn’t… filling your tank….”

    Customer: “When my husband, God rest his soul, pumped gas, he used to pay $10 and it would fill up our tank.”

    Manager: “When was this?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t matter! ¬†My son-in-law has been pumping my gas since. ¬†I’ve given him $10 and it’s filled up my tank every time. You’re trying to take advantage of me because I’m an old woman!”

    Manager: “No, ma’am… the price of gas has gone up quite a bit in the last few years… It costs me almost $50 to fill my car–”

    Customer: “Don’t give me that! ¬†It’s always cost me $10… I’m going right to the Better Business Bureau and the Attorney General’s Office!”

    Manager: “Yes, ma’am. Sorry about the trouble. Good luck with all that…”

    Mmm, Moisturizer

    | Montana, USA |

    (At the shop, all the flavors of gelato are plainly labeled. This particular question happened almost daily…)

    Customer: “What does the Rose taste like?”

    Me: “Roses.”

    Customer: “No way! Let me try!”

    (I hand the customer a sampler of rose-flavored gelato.)

    Customer: “It tastes like lotion!”

    Me: “How often do you eat lotion?!”

    Just Quit While You’re Ahead

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA |

    Me: “You find everything okay today, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Oh my God! What’s wrong with your face? ¬†Are you okay?”

    Me: “What?¬†What are you talking about?”

    Customer: ¬†”Your jaw! It’s so swollen!”

    Me: “Um… no, I’m just fine.”

    Customer: “Oh… your left jaw is just so huge, I thought, maybe… never mind.”

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