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    Bird Brained, Part 2

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA |

    (I had just finished giving a 45 minute tour about a certain “mysterious” spot that causes people to supposedly feel dizzy and stand at strange angles.)

    Tourist: “So do the birds feel the effects of the mystery?”

    Me: “Well they don’t appear to fly funny, but it’s possible.”

    Tourist: “…but do they FEEL the effects?”

    Me: “Well, I don’t really know because I can’t exactly ask them how they feel. They are birds.”

    Tourist: “I just wanna know if they feel the effects!”

    Me: “Hold on, I’ll go ask them.” *walks away*

    Related:
    Bird Brained

    Pepperoni And A Side Of Dentures, Please

    , | Oregon, USA |

    Me: “[Pizza place], what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’d like a large cheese pizza.”

    Me: “Great. Anything else for you today?”

    Customer: “Um…yeah. Could you undercook that? Most of the people eating the pizza don’t have teeth.”

    I Bet It’s Dying From Stupid Owneritis

    | Sao Paulo, Brazil |

    (I used to work at this cellphone carrier like Vodafone or Cingular and people usually messed up who they were talking to.)

    Me: “Good evening, who am I talking to?”

    Customer: “Please, call an ambulance!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We can’t make outgoing calls here. Not even for an ambulance. Please hang up and make the call.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand. I need an ambulance NOW!”

    Me: “I understand. But we can’t call it for you!”

    Customer: “Please help me! My cat is dying!”

    Me: “Your…what?”

    Customer: “My cat! He’s lying on the floor and making weird noises. He’s dying, I need an ambulance.”

    (I was never sure if this was a prank call cause the lady sounded pretty serious.)

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you really will have to call the vet yourself.”

    Customer: “No! I need an ambulance. You can’t refuse to help me like this. I’ll sue you!”

    Me: “…for what?”

    Customer: “For neglecting help to someone in need! You could have called an ambulance already!”

    Me: “You could too if you had just hang up and called somebody yourself, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Fine, but if my cat dies, I’ll call you back!” *click*

    No Pink Bunnies, But Plenty Of Jackasses

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (During Christmas season, our large bookstore gets awfully busy. The phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book.”

    Me: “Sure, I can help you out. Do you know the title?”

    Customer: “Okay, so the book is about a bunny rabbit and I used to read it when I was a kid. It had a pink cover.”

    Me: “…do you know the title, maybe?”

    Customer: “Look, I’m very busy and I need this book for my kid. It’s about a bunny and the cover is pink. How many pink bunny books can there possibly be? Go look for it!”

    Me: “Sir, we have no option in our search system regarding book covers–”

    Customer: “Look. Go f***ing find it. I’m very busy!”

    Me: “Sure, let me put you on hold for a little bit.” *click*

    (Later, I found out that a customer came in looking for a pink bunny book and a ‘fruity sounding’ bookseller. I’m a girl.)

    I’ll Take A Schizo With Cheese

    , | Omaha, NE, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like a churro.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve churros. For desserts we have caramel apple empanadas or cinnamon twists if you want to try one of those.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t want dessert! I want an enchilada!”

    Me: “You mean an enchirito?”

    (The customer pulls forward without saying anything. I ask a coworker to verify the order at the window because the guy wasn’t making sense.)

    Coworker at the window: “You ordered a beef enchirito, correct?”

    Customer: “NO! I wanted a gordita!”


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