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    Dora The Exploder

    | Connecticut, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like one of those balloons. The Dora one, please?”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    Customer: “What do you fill those with? Propane?”

    Me: “(!?) Uh, no. Helium.”

    Customer: “Is it going to explode in my car?”

    Me: “No, it shouldn’t…”

    One Man’s Trash Is… Another Man’s Trash

    | Blacksburg, VA, USA |

    Hotel guest: *glances at front desk* “Do you have any newspapers?”

    Me: “If there aren’t any out on the counter, we’re all out.”

    Hotel guest: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes sir, I’m sure. If I had any more, I assure you they’d be sitting there on the counter.”

    Hotel guest: ¬†”Okay, is there one in there?” *points to trashcan behind the front desk*

    Me: ¬†”Um, sir… are you asking if there are any newspapers… in the trash?”

    Hotel guest: “Yes.”

    Me: ¬†”Um… well… sir… I don’t think you want to look through here, there’s food and all sorts of gross–”

    Hotel guest: “I want to look through there for a newspaper.”

    Me: ¬†”Um, okay…”

    (He brings the trash to the front and starts digging through it.)

    Hotel guest: ¬†”UGH! This trash is DISGUSTING!” *storms off*

    (There was a gas station literally 100 feet away from the hotel. This guy would rather dig through the trash for a newspaper than walk up the street and buy one.)

    The Honest Liar

    | New Jersey, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [italian restaurant], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation for two people.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

    Customer: “But I want to make a reservation for two people.”

    Me, repeating: “I’m sorry, we only take reservations for parties of six or larger.”

    Customer: “Well, what if I tell you the reservation is for six people and then only show up with two?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I won’t write that reservation down.”

    Customer: *click*

    TMI Redux

    | Belgium |

    (An older woman in her 50s needed some help picking out a new MP3 player.)

    Me: “Okay, so you got any preferences?”

    Woman: “Well, do you have any that are waterproof?”

    Me: “Not really…”

    Woman: “I had one before, but it’s broken.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Woman: “Yeah, it was my own fault though, I think.”

    Me: “How come?”

    Woman: “Well, I put it in here–” *points and looks at her breasts* “–while I was at the gym. I guess I was sweating a bit too much!”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    One Loses His Allowance, The Other His Immortal Soul

    | Kane, PA, USA |

    (I was in high school working at a dollar store. It’s a small town so Sundays are usually busy after church services. This man, his wife, and his young son were in line.)

    Me: “That will be $25.30.”

    Man: “I’ve only got $15… we gave twenty at the offering today. You think you could give me a break?”

    Man’s young son: *innocently* “We didn’t give any money at church today.”

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