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    Safe To Assume There Are No Insecurities Here

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    (After taking the customers name, phone number, credit card info.)

    Me: “To finish creating your account, I need an answer to a reminder question. In what city were you born?”

    Customer: “That is way too personal.”

    Me: “Okay. We have a few other questions. What is your pet’s name? What is your favorite television show? What is your favorite pastime?”

    Customer: “Ask me my favorite pasttime.”

    Me: “What is your favorite pastime?”

    Customer: “Making loooooooove.”

    Not About To Start A Revolution

    | Barrie, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A young female customer is paying for a work order. Her friends are nearby.)

    Me: “The tech also recommends a tire rotation.”

    Customer: “Oh okay…is that something I could get a friend to do?”

    Me: “If they’ve got a jack and the lug nut key, sure.”

    (Her friends come over.)

    Customer: *to another young female friend* “I have to rotate my tires.”

    Customer’s friend: “I thought they did that when you drive?”

    Should Get His Head Chequed

    | Australia | Uncategorized

    (A client calls in regarding a payment he is expecting from us. I determine the reason for delay, correct it and all that is left is the processing of the payment.)

    Me: “How would you like the payment, sir? Electronically or by cheque?”

    Client: “Electronically, please.”

    Me: “Not a problem. I just need your bank account details so we can transfer the payment.”

    Client: *short pause* “Who are you again?”

    Me: “I’m [my name] from [government department].”

    Client: “So this is [government department]? How do I know that’s true?”

    Me: “Well, you called me.”

    Client: “Did I? I’m still not sure. I think you’re faking it.”

    Me: “Well, sir, if you’re uncomfortable providing your bank account details over the phone, we can send the payment via cheque.”

    Client: “No, a cheque takes too long.”

    Me: “We currently don’t have your bank account details, so you will need provide them to us if you want electronic payment.”

    Client: “Well, that’s no good.”

    Me: “Cheque then, sir?”

    Client: “I guess, do I have to give you my address?”

    Me: “No, we already have your address unless…have you moved
    recently, sir?”

    Client: *exasperated sigh* “How would I know that?”

    Likely To Cause IRE (Ironic Resourceful Ethics)

    | New Orleans, LA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am working near a copy station, and a woman comes up with a large stack of papers.)

    Customer: “Do you have any zip ties to bind this with?”

    Me: “Sure, here.”

    (As she binds the papers, I see the word “Ethics” on the first page.)

    Me: “Oh, is this for an Ethics class?”

    Customer: “Yes! I didn’t want to pay for the book, so I photocopied it. Do you think the professor is going to like how resourceful I am?”

    Me: “I’m sure you’ll have a very lively discussion about it.”

    Pain In The Derrière

    | Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A customer comes up to me holding a package of Naan bread.)

    Customer: What kind of bread is this?”

    Me: “That’s just plain white naan.”

    Customer: “They forgot the ‘L’.” *points to the words ‘Naan Pain’ on the front of the package*

    Me: “Oh, that’s French for ‘bread’.”

    Customer: “So the flavor isn’t pain?”

    Me: “No, sir, pain isn’t a flavor.”

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