October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Car Parked, Brain In Neutral

| Downers Grove, IL, USA | Top

Customer: “Hi, um, my car was stolen.”

Me: “Well, okay, let’s go out and see where you’re parked.”

(We walk into the parking lot.)

Me: “Okay, where did you park?”

Customer: “Right there, where the Prius is parked! God d***
tree-hugging democrat piece of s***!”

Me: “Okay, well, let’s go inside and call the police.”

(While we wait for the police to come she makes some phone calls and then comes back into the office.)

Customer: “Sorry, never mind. Turns out I drove the Prius today and not the Honda.”

A Misunderstanding Of Pi

, | Howard Beach, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a large pepperoni pie and a bottle of [soda] delivered to [address].”

Me: “Okay, your total is ***. That’ll be about a half hour. Is that all?”

Customer: “Oh, also, how much extra would it cost to have my pie be 16 slices instead of 8? Because I’m really hungry tonight.”

Future Underwater Basketweaving Majors

| Perth, Australia | Uncategorized

(I work in a clothing clearance outlet and I’m helping a kid pick out a pair of shoes whilst his mother is on the phone.)

Customer: “How much are these shoes?”

Me: “$100, but we’re having a sale with 50% off the price of
everything in store, so those will end up being $50.”

Customer: “So they’re free?”

Me: “No, they’re $50.”

Customer: “But 50% off $50 equals nothing, so they’re free!”

Me: “No, the original price is $100. It’s 50% off that price, which ends up being $50.”

Customer: “Hey mum, these shoes are free!”

Un-Four-tunate Inch-uendo

, | Portland, OR, USA | Top

(I am selling a TV to a middle aged man and his wife.)

Me: “So it’s between the 32 and the 36 inch TV, right?”

Husband: “Yes, but I don’t understand the difference between them.”

Me: “Well, they have the same specs all the way down the line. One is just bigger.”

Husband: “Who in the h*** would pay almost $350 more for four more inches?”

Wife: “I would!”

Rain Drops Keep Falling On My (Thick) Head

, | Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for choosing [name], how can I help you?”

(All I hear is the rain falling, so I repeat several times until the customer finally pulls around.)

Customer: “Did you get my order?”

Me: “No, I didn’t hear you say anything, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I didn’t want rain to get in my car. I wasn’t sure if you could hear me through my window.”

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