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    No Brains And The Bees

    | Maryland, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have anything I can spray on my flowers to keep the bees off them?”

    Me: “You want to keep the bees off your flowers?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you sell that?”

    Me: “Do you understand how flowers work?”

    Not All Re-Cycling Is Good

    | California, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am in a public park, riding my quad. A little girl comes up and asks for a ride. Since I’m not accustomed to giving strangers rides, I politely decline. A few minutes later, an angry woman storms up.)

    Woman: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Uh, yes?”

    Woman: “Why won’t you give my daughter a ride?! You made her cry!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that.”

    Woman: “So you’ll give her a ride?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel comfortable giving strangers rides.”

    Woman: “What terrible service! I am going to report you!”

    (I hear her on the phone with the police.)

    Woman: “Yes, this person refuses to give my daughter a ride on her quad. No, I don’t know her. What?! No, I am not on drugs!”

    Deli-cate Situation

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, this is–”

    Caller: “Baby, what are you doing? Want to come over later?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: *laughs* “You heard me, baby.”

    Me: “Sir, I think you may have the wrong number. This is a deli.”

    Caller: “Woah, are you serious?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Caller: “I’m so sorry!”

    Me: “It’s okay.”

    Caller: “So…do you want to come over?

    Non-Plussed With Tax

    | Washington D.C., USA | At The Checkout, Politics, Uncategorized

    Me: “Your total is $22.15 with tax.”

    Customer: “What? How can that be?”

    Me: “Well, you had one stamp at $13.95, and one candle at $6.95.”

    Customer: “That doesn’t add up!”

    Me: “Fourteen plus seven is twenty-one, and then with sales tax.”

    Customer: “I still don’t know how that adds up. Oh well…I guess math has changed with inflation and all.”

    It’s All Dutch To Me

    | Eindhoven, Netherlands | Canada, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hey, can I buy these, please?”

    Me: “Sure. That’ll be 10 euros.”

    (The customer hands me 10 Canadian dollars.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take that currency.”

    Customer: “What? Why?”

    Me: “Because this isn’t Canada.”

    Customer: “But I thought you guys use Canadian dollars? My friend said they use Canadian dollars outside the US.”

    Me: “We don’t. We use Euros here.”

    Customer: “Since when?”

    Me: “Since 2002. Although before that, we used guilders, so your dollars would still be useless.”

    Customer: “But they’re Canadian dollars!”

    Me: “But this isn’t Canada.”

    (At this point, I take a second look at the magazines he’s trying to buy.)

    Me: ” Excuse me, but do you speak Dutch?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then why are you buying Dutch magazines?”

    Customer: “I thought they’d be in English.”

    Me: “Because they speak English in Canada?”

    Customer: *blushing* “Yeah.”

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