Stupidity In Bloom

| Long Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(We have run out of sandwiches that had meat and are only left with garden/veggie burgers.)

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a veggie burger, so there’s no meat in it. We call it a garden burger here.”

Customer: “Garden burger? So there are flowers in there?”

Half Past Wine

| Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(It was past closing time, all the lights were off and the gate was half closed. I came out of the back to find a woman standing in the store.)

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

Customer: *slurred* “But I need to buy some peanut butter.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to come back tomorrow morning, we open at 10.”

Customer: “I thought you were open till 9? You shouldn’t be closing early. That’s bad business.”

Me: “It’s past 9, ma’am.”

Customer: “But the bartender downstairs said it was another half hour until all the stores closed.”

Me: “How long ago was that?”

Customer: “It couldn’t have been too long. I only had a couple of drinks after he told me.”

Make A Bullet Point About Bertha

| Peoria, IL, USA | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Me: “Sir, do we need to speak with anyone other than yourself to gain access onto your property?”

Customer: “No, no. My wife will be home. Oh yeah, and Bertha.”

Me: “Bertha, sir?”

Customer: “Bertha’s my shotgun, in case any of your technicians decide to get kinky with my wife.”

Excess Of XY

| Hilton, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, My name is Randi, I’ll be taking your order tonight.”

Old man: “Randi? That’s a boy’s name.”

Me: “No, it’s spelled with a ‘Y’. Mine is spelled with an ‘I’. I’m a girl.”

Old woman: “Leave her alone, maybe she’s both! They have those nowadays.”

Labouring Over The Decision

| Wollongong, Australia | Extra Stupid, Politics, Uncategorized

(We are having our federal election. I have just given a voter her ballot papers, and she told me she was familiar with how to vote. However, about 5 minutes later, I see her desperately trying to get her hand into the ballot box.)

Customer: “Someone help me!”

Me: “What is it? Are you okay?”

Customer: “No! I voted for the wrong person! I don’t want that evil man running my country! I just got confused!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, I can’t get into the ballot box until 6pm tonight. Tell me what happened, and I’ll ask my supervisor if there’s anything we can do.”

Customer: “I meant to vote for Julia Gillard but I accidentally put my preference down as Labour!”

Me: “I think you’re okay then. Julia Gillard is the Labour representative.”

Customer: *suddenly looking shifty* “Well duh. Why else would I have voted for Labour?”

Page 1,957/2,704First...1,9551,9561,9571,9581,959...Last