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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • After This, She’s Gonna Need An Antidepressant

    | Elk Grove, CA, USA | Health & Body

    Customer: “Hi, can I have some of those allergy medications that are behind the counter? The 24 hour kind.”

    Me: “Sure thing…”

    (I grab one, because law mandates that the computers only allow me to check out one 24 hour medication for a certain period of time).

    Customer: “Oh, I wanted four. Can I have four, please?”

    Me: “Sorry, I can only give you one. There’s a law that makes me check your ID on the computer. It won’t let me check out more than one for you, at least not in the 24 hour dose.”

    Customer: “Well, can you at least try? If you’d TRY once in a while, you never know what you can do!”

    Me: “Alright then…”

    (I scan one and sure enough, the second won’t go through.)

    Me: “Yup, it won’t let me check out the second one. Your total’s gonna be about 20 bucks.”

    Customer: “Okay, now try the third one.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “If the second one didn’t work, maybe the third one will.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all four of these are exactly the same. If the second one didn’t work, what makes you think if I rang up another box of the exact same thing would work?”

    Customer: “JUST DO IT!”

    Me: “Okay… yeah… it’s not working.”

    Customer: “Okay, now try the fourth one.”

    (Suffice it to say it doesn’t work; after she buys her one box, she comes back about fifteen minutes later.)

    Customer: “HOW DARE YOU SELL ME THIS EXPIRED MEDICATION!”

    Me: “Err… what? I can guarantee you it’s not. I checked it before I gave it to you.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? Then what’s this? It says FEB 10!”

    Me: “Yes… February… of 2010. Not February 10th.”

    Customer: “Uh… well, I’m older than you and I probably make way more than you anyway, so I’m right. I’m 42 and I make $** an hour!”

    Me: “I’ll agree with you, you’re much older than I am. I’m only 26. But ma’am, you are talking to a pharmacist. I make twice that. Oh wait… I’m in overtime now… three times that. Actually, in the time it took me to help you, I just made one hour’s worth of your wage. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

    Parental Gui-dunce

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I’m working at a movie theatre when a woman and her son who looks about 8 storms outside and up to me at the box office.)

    Customer: “I demand my money back for our movie!”

    Me: “Okay, no problem. Because it’s been within the first 30 minutes I can refund you the full price. What movie was it that you went to see?”

    Customer:Sin City!”

    Me: *begins to refund the two tickets*

    Customer: “You know, this is ridiculous. You should have told me that this movie was inappropriate for my child. There’s not even a notice anywhere telling me this!”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “How on earth was I supposed to know that this movie is inappropriate? You really should have told me!”

    Me: “Are you serious? The movie is rated 18A, the poster right in front of you has a half naked lady dancing, AND it’s called SIN City! Did you expect it to be about bunnies and rainbows?”

    Customer: *grabs her money and storms off with her son*

    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3

    | Beaverton, OR, USA |

    Me: “What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I want a small popcorn, and don’t try to upsell me a medium!”

    Me: “Can I interest you in a large then?”

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager.”

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2
    Be Careful What You Ask For

    No Debit, But Plenty of Loonies

    | Alberta, Canada |

    (At the gas station where I work, a young woman staggers in drunk and tries to buy a bag of chips on debit.)

    Me: “Okay, that will be $1.35 on debit.”

    (The customer picks up the pin pad and proceeds to swipe a quarter through the slot.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “That’s a quarter.”

    Customer: “Yes, I know. For some reason it won’t work. Is this thing turned on?”

    Me: “But… that’s… that’s not a debit card. Do you have a debit card?”

    Customer: “I’m TRYING! But it won’t work!”

    Me: “It’s plastic? Kinda rectangle shaped? Has your bank name on it?”

    Customer: “Why won’t it work?”

    Me: “You know what? I don’t think that one is working. Do you have another one? Sometimes these machines won’t like a card for no real reason. It happens.”

    Customer: “Oh ya? I get that at my work too…”

    (She proceeds to put away the quarter and pulls out a loonie instead.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I think I see the problem now. All of our card systems are down. They must have crashed with all the people buying things today. Do you have cash instead?”

    Customer: “Sure, no problem.” *pulls out 20 dollar bill* “Keep the change. It’s only a few dollars anyway. I don’t want it….”

    Me: “Sure, thanks!”

    (She wanders off to pass out in the bathroom for 3 hours but I just couldn’t bring myself to call the cops on her.)

    Right Next To The Special Chinese Gefeltifish

    | Omaha, NE, USA |

    Customer: “Miss, I need some ranch for my crab rangoon.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Ma’am, we don’t serve ranch here.”

    Customer: “What kind of g**d**ned Chinese restaurant doesn’t have ranch? What? You don’t have barbeque sauce either?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we don’t. I’m very sorry. I could walk down to the pizza place next door and get you a container of ranch.”

    Customer: “NO! I WANT YOUR SPECIAL CHINESE RANCH!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not serve ‘special Chinese ranch.’ I’m very sorry, but like I said, I ca–”

    Customer: “WHATEVER, YOU G**D**NED C**T!” *storms out*

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