Make A Bullet Point About Bertha

| Peoria, IL, USA | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Me: “Sir, do we need to speak with anyone other than yourself to gain access onto your property?”

Customer: “No, no. My wife will be home. Oh yeah, and Bertha.”

Me: “Bertha, sir?”

Customer: “Bertha’s my shotgun, in case any of your technicians decide to get kinky with my wife.”

Excess Of XY

| Hilton, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, My name is Randi, I’ll be taking your order tonight.”

Old man: “Randi? That’s a boy’s name.”

Me: “No, it’s spelled with a ‘Y’. Mine is spelled with an ‘I’. I’m a girl.”

Old woman: “Leave her alone, maybe she’s both! They have those nowadays.”

Labouring Over The Decision

| Wollongong, Australia | Extra Stupid, Politics, Uncategorized

(We are having our federal election. I have just given a voter her ballot papers, and she told me she was familiar with how to vote. However, about 5 minutes later, I see her desperately trying to get her hand into the ballot box.)

Customer: “Someone help me!”

Me: “What is it? Are you okay?”

Customer: “No! I voted for the wrong person! I don’t want that evil man running my country! I just got confused!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, I can’t get into the ballot box until 6pm tonight. Tell me what happened, and I’ll ask my supervisor if there’s anything we can do.”

Customer: “I meant to vote for Julia Gillard but I accidentally put my preference down as Labour!”

Me: “I think you’re okay then. Julia Gillard is the Labour representative.”

Customer: *suddenly looking shifty* “Well duh. Why else would I have voted for Labour?”

How To Rock The Boat

| Escanaba, MI, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

(I work at a hotel where some of the rooms overlook the lake. I get a customer checked in and give him a key to a room over looking the lake, but he comes back to the front desk after 5 minutes.)

Customer: “This is unacceptable!”

Me: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Customer: “I went down there, and there is room 144, then 146, there is no 145!”

Me: “Sir, it’s on the other side of the hotel. You have to go through the hallway.”

Customer: “So I have to walk through someone else’s room?”

Me: “No, this room is on the lake side of the hotel.”

Customer: “The lake side? Well how do I get there? I don’t have a boat!”

These Are Not The Coins You Are Looking For

| Salem, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(I have just finished ringing up a small order for a man and his 20-year-old son. Their change is only three cents, and they have already started walking away before I could hand it to them.)

Me: “Wait, I’ve still got your change, unless you don’t want it.”

Customer’s son: *doing Jedi hand wave* “We want our change.”

Me: *at the same time* “You don’t want your change.”

(We both wait a beat, then everyone in line breaks out laughing. We hadn’t practiced it, either.)

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