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    At Least She Was Honest

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA |

    (I get a service call to go out to a customer’s house to service a malfunctioning laptop. I was talking to my boss and he gave me the run down of the call.)

    Me: “Alright, so what exactly does the customer want?”

    Supervisor: “She says her laptop isn’t turning on, and there might be something wrong with her LCD screen.”

    Me: “Ok, sounds like a hardware problem. Did she tell you why all this is going on?”

    Supervisor: “Well…she was completely honest with me.”

    Me: “?”

    Supervisor: “She got angry and threw it against a concrete wall in a fit of rage.”

    Me: “…I’ll take care of it.”

    Must Be From Orange County

    | Catalina Island, CA | Top

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “What time does the island close?”

    Me: “Close? It doesn’t close. It isn’t like Disneyland, sir. People live here.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I’ve been walking around, and those houses are too small for anyone to live in.”

    Me: “Sir, I live in one of those houses.”

    Customer’s wife: “No, honey, she can’t break character.” *winks at me* “I get it.”

    Customer: “But really, when do you close?”

    Me: “I’m not ‘in character.’ This is an actual town, with actual people living in it. It doesn’t close.”

    Customer’s wife: “Don’t treat us like we’re children, just tell us when.”

    Me: *sigh* “5 o’clock, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

    Fortunately, Stupidity Is Not Tax Deductible

    | Houston, TX, USA |

    (During a heated debate in my Sociology class about the pros and cons of immigration, the discussion turned to illegal immigration.)

    Student: “I pay my taxes. If I have to pay sales tax, I think they should too!”

    If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Top

    (I was walking a customer through setting up a fairly complex product.)

    Customer: “Next or back?”

    Me: “Next.”

    Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

    Me: “We do not need to change any of the default settings, so we will be hitting next on the next 7 or 8 screens in a row. Let me know when another option other then next or back appears.”

    Customer: *obviously not getting it* “Okay, now do I hit next or back?”

    Me: “Hit next, and also hit next on the following 5 or 6 pages until there is no more next button.”

    Customer: “Okay, I clicked next. Now do I hit next or back?”

    (At this point I am going insane and decide to have a little fun.)

    Me: “Click back.”

    Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

    Me: “Click next.”

    Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

    Me: “Click back.”

    Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

    Me: “Click next.”

    Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

    Me: “Click back.”

    (This goes on for a few minutes until the customer realises what’s going on. Or so I thought…)

    Customer: “I think it’s broken, it keeps looping through the same pages!”

    Tampax, Kayaks, Same Thing

    | Hill Country, TX, USA |

    (I work at a place that provides kayaks, hiking/climbing gear, canoes, and inner tubes for students at our university.)

    Young Woman: “Hi, I need deodorant and a tampon.”

    Me: “Um, we don’t have those here.”

    Young Woman: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “This is the Outdoor Center. We provide outdoor recreational equipment for students.”

    Young Woman: “Well I’m a student, I’m outside, and I need deodorant and a tampon!”

    (About this time my co worker looks up with a look on her face of WTF?!)

    Me: “Yeah…those don’t come with kayaks or canoes.”

    Young Woman: “They should!”

    (I walk off to let my female coworker take over this one.)


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