July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Popcon

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(A customer walks up holding a large red bag of popcorn to be refilled.)

Customer: “Hi, could I please get a refill?”

Me: “Did you buy this popcorn today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Oh, that’s weird because we stopped selling these popcorn bags a month ago. We have black bags now.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Very Low Key Driver

| Norway, Europe | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

Caller: “Hi, I need help to open my car. The beeper doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay, have you tried to see if the keys work?”

Caller: “What do you mean?”

Me: “The car keys. They’re attached to the beeper.”

Caller: “Uh… how do I use them?”

Me: “Just like you would unlock anything that’s closed.”

Caller: “I don’t understand. I need to open the door to my car. How do I use keys to do that?”

Me: “You uh… put the key in the keyhole, turn it around and open the door.”

Caller: *pause* “Oh! Do you mean like the same way you
open the door to a house?”

Me: “Yes, it’s quite similar to that.”

Caller: *very enthusiastic* “Wow, okay! I’ll try that! If that doesn’t work, I’ll call right back!”

This Child Has Few Reservations

| Asheville, NC, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

Child: “Excuse me, but I have a question.”

Me: “What is it?”

Child: “Do you believe in Native Americans?”

Me: *slight pause* “Yes. Yes, I do.”

Child: “That’s good to know.”

On Completely Different Wavelengths

| Chesapeake, VA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(Note: the caller ID shows an out of town number.)

Caller: “Uh, hi. My room radio doesn’t work anymore.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. What room are you in?”

Caller: “Oh, no, I’m at home! I took the radio home and now the buttons on top don’t work. It’s just fuzz! No music!”

Me: “Wait. So you stole a radio, took it home, and now you’re calling because the pre-assigned buttons don’t work?”

Caller: “Can you fix it or not?!”

Loathe Of Bread

| Sydney, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I work at a bakery that cuts bread with a machine.)

Me: “Okay, sir, would you like me to cut your bread for you?”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “This machine here will cut it.”

Customer: “You use a machine rather then cutting it by hand?!”

Me: “Yes sir, it is quicker and gets the job done well.”

Customer: *at this point he is getting furious* “This is outrageous! You use a machine to do a mans job! You are putting people out of their jobs! You are ruining the natural process of man and the cutting of bread.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t realize. Would you like me to cut your bread by hand?”

Customer: “No, use the machine! I’m in a big rush to get to my sister’s place. It’s her birthday, you know.”

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