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    Bumming Around On The Job

    | Manalapan, NJ, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

    (I work in a high-end grocery store that has a department of employees solely dedicated to pushing shopping carts.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what’s [department name]?”

    Me: “It’s a department where we push shopping carts, assist customers, and maintain the parking lot.”

    Customer: “Yes, but are you an employee at [store]?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m an employee.”

    Customer: “As in, do they pay you?”

    Me: “Yes, this is my job.”

    Customer: “So, you’re not homeless?”

    Incheon Further Away From The Answer

    | Boston, MA, USA | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    Resident: “So are you Chinese or Puerto Rican? It’s hard to tell.”

    Me: “I’m Korean.”

    Resident: “Oh. Is that like Japan?”

    Me: “No, it’s Korea.”

    Resident: “Well, that was my next guess. So, do you speak Chinese or Japanese?”

    Ain’t No Mountain Wry Enough

    | Melbourne, Australia | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Language & Words, Top

    Me: “…and a large Dew.”

    Customer: “I’m sorry, did you just call me a Jew?”

    Customer’s wife: “But honey, you are a Jew.”

    Me: “Oh no, sorry. I meant a large Mountain Dew.”

    Customer: “Oh really? Really, I’m flattered but I’ve never been to the mountains.”

    Me: “Ah, sorry?”

    Customer: *comically bangs his fists against his chest* “I am the large mountain Jew!”

    Customer’s wife: * to me* “I am so sorry about him. Honestly, I can’t take him anywhere.”

    Me: “Really, it’s fine.”

    Customer: “The large mountain Jew goes anywhere he wants to!”

    Criminal Behavior

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (For 11 days each summer Calgary goes a bit crazy with The Stampede. Businesses are decorated in Old West themes, and our bank is no exception. For the occasion we printed up ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’ posters featuring our manager and certain tellers and plastered them around the lobby. A customer walks in, looks at the posters, looks around in alarm at our bank manager and then sidles up to my line.)

    Customer: “Are you alright? I know you can’t talk, but do you want me to call 911?”

    Me: “What’s the problem ma’am?”

    Customer: “Are they holding you hostage?”

    Me: “Who?”

    Customer: “Them!” *gestures at my bank manager*

    Me: Oh, ma’am, they’re not criminals, they’re regular staff. This is Stampede!”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t put up posters like that. It’s like yelling ‘Fire!’ in a movie theater!”

    Fanning The Flames

    | England, UK | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    (A customer wants a specific electric fireplace that is discontinued and so we cant order it. One of my colleagues says that they will go to nearby store after their shift and get one. The customer comes in the next day to collect it.)

    Me: “Okay, because this is discontinued and we don’t stock it here, you won’t be able to return it unless it’s faulty.”

    Customer: “Why would I want to return it? I’m not a moron like you are!”

    (He storms out but comes back in the next day.)

    Customer: “This fireplace won’t work! You put me through all this trouble and you gave me a faulty product! I will report you to your manager for all the stress this has caused!”

    Me: “Sir, the box is still sealed. You haven’t even opened it yet.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, my wife didn’t like it. Can I return it?”

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