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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Aisle Be Watching You, Part 2

    | Montana, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’m looking for horseradish.”

    (I take her to the condiment section, where there are seven different kinds of horseradish.)

    Customer: “No, it’s not any of these.”

    Me: “Is it a refrigerated product?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know.”

    Me: “Well, this is the only place I know of where we stock horseradish.”

    (A few moments later, the customer finds me again.)

    Customer: “I know where it is. But I’m not going to tell you. You need to figure it out on you own.”

    Related:
    Aisle Be Watching You

    Kids Movies Cost An Arm And A Leg

    | Estonia | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (A mother and her young daughter approach the counter. She puts down Princess Mononoke and begins to get out her card.

    Me: “I’d just like to point out while this is an excellent movie, it’s probably
    something you’d be uncomfortable with your daughter watching.”

    Customer: “Why? It’s just a princess cartoon!”

    Me: “It’s actually quite violent, it deals with a lot of complex subjects, and has scenes with realistic sword fights, there’s several dismemberments in the first few minutes. But I can recommend several other movies by the same animation studio that both of you could enjoy.”

    Customer: *slightly taken aback* “Um, yes, that sounds like a good idea, I wouldn’t want her to be scared.”

    Customer’s daughter: *to me* “What’s a dismem-peppermint?”

    Customer: “Don’t answer that!”

    Rectify The Situation

    | UK | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi there, do you sell rectums?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Rectums. I need a rectum. do you sell them?”

    Me: “Why do you need it?”

    Customer: “I have some tablets here and it says ‘insert via rectum’ and as I don’t have one, I thought I better buy one.”

    Me: “I think I better call the pharmacist in.”

    (I call the pharmacist in who explains to the man exactly what a rectum is. He leaves red faced.)

    Related:
    Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Bungholio!

    Age Is Only A Social Security Number

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Politics, Uncategorized

    (I am ringing up a middle-aged man.)

    Customer: “You go to school, son?”

    Me: “Yes sir, I’m a college student.”

    Customer: “Good good. Be sure to start paying into social security. I’m going to need it soon.”

    Benefits Are All About Sustaining Labor

    | UK | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, benefit section new claims.”

    Caller: “My wife wants to claim for a baby.”

    Me: “Your wife just had a child? How old is the child?”

    Caller: “2 years old.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, if the child is that old you cannot receive additional benefits.”

    Caller: “But we need money.”

    Me: “I understand but it’s too late now, she could have claimed 11 weeks before the child was born or up until it was a year old. There is nothing we can do now.”

    Caller: “So how does my wife get money for a baby?”

    Me: “Well, she needs to be pregnant.”

    Caller: “Okay! I will call you back.”

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