Understating The Obvious, Part 2

| Sioux City, IA, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s a slow day at the mall when a customer walks our store. Two steps in, she puts her fingers in her ears.)

Customer: “Can you turn that music down?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t turn it down, but I’ll ask my manager.”

Customer: “Okay…” *walks to the back of the store with her fingers in her ears*

Me, to my associate: “Can you go ask the store manager if we can turn down the music? I don’t want a customer shopping with her fingers in her ears.”

(She eventually returns to my counter.)

Customer: “Can’t you turn it down?! I’m the only one here!”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re working on it.”

Customer: “The bass is too loud!”

Me: “We’ll get the volume down for you.”

(My associate walks to the back room, and as he opens the door the customer continues shouting until he turns down the music. Satisfied, she eventually buys one shirt.)

Customer: “Can I get a gift box?”

Associate: “We only have them at Christmas.”

Customer: “Oh. Then I’ll just come in and look for the two of you at Christmas and get a box.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work all the time. If you bring your receipt in, any of the associates will be happy to give you a box at Christmas.”

Customer: “But I want a box from you! You won’t forget me.”

Me: “I meet a lot of people during the week, ma’am.”

Customer: “You won’t forget me!” *circles her face with her hand* “I was the crazy lady with fingers in her ears that asked you to turn the music down!”

Five Days Later

| Bellingham, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer in their 50s walks into my pawn shop, which sells weapons.)

Customer: “Yeah, can you get me that shotgun behind the table?”

Me: “Sure, do you have your license and registration?”

Customer: “Yeah, right here.”

Me: “Thank you sir. There’s a 5 day waiting period for firearms. Come back soon.”

(He looks disappointed, but forks over the cash and walks out. Five days later…)

Customer: “Okay, dude, I’m back. Where’s the gun?”

Me: “Right here, sir…

(I make the transaction and hand him his shotgun.)

Me: “Have a nice day and come back soon!”

(About one minute after the customer leaves the store, I hear several loud shotgun blasts. I look through the window and the man is firing rounds into the air! He then runs into the store.)

Customer: “The zombie invasion has begun! It’s every man for himself!”

(I hide under the desk and press the silent alarm. Five minutes later, the police arrive, taser the guy, and bring him out of our back room in cuffs. I work at an ice cream store now.)

I Once Had A Game This Big

| Philly, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, may I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure, what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Can you tell me if this game will fit on my computer?”

(I look at size of game install from box.)

Me: “Okay, this takes four gigs of hard drive space. How big is your hard drive?”

Customer: “I’m not sure. About this big, I think?” *holds hands about four inches apart*

One Ring To Sue Them All

| Australia | Top

(I am a shift manager at a restaurant. I have many facial piercings, but always take them out for work.)

Me: “Hello this is the manager speaking, what seems to be the problem today?”

Caller: “I am calling to complain about one of your staff. They have horrendous facial piercings. It’s disgusting!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must let you know that all of our staff are required to take out any piercings before starting their shift. What did this employee look like?”

Caller: “She looked like the devil! She had piercings in her lip nose and eyebrow!”

(I am the only one with these piercings, so she must be referring to me.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, are you sure you saw this employee at the restaurant?”

Caller: “No, she was at the supermarket!”

Me: “You’re calling about one of our employees while they were off duty?”

Caller: “Yes! She never has them on at your restaurant, so they must have fallen into my food!”

Me: *speechless*

Caller: “YOU’RE GETTING SUED!”

Sins Of The Father

| Perth, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t do that thingy.”

Me: “I’m sorry, What thingy?”

Customer: “Emails. It keeps saying error 421. I never put that number in.”

Me: “That’s an error number. Can you tell me what lights are flashing on the modem?”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s a small box with cables running into it. It will have a lot of lights flickering on it.”

Customer: “The box with the blinky lights?”

Me: “Yes, that should be it.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought my son put that in here to annoy me, so I unplugged it!”

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