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  • Full Of S***

    | Brisbane, Australia |

    (A guy with a dog walks up to our car park.)

    Guy: “Can I bring my dog in here so it can take a dump?”

    Me: “Sorry, we can’t allow you to do that. Plus, you don’t even look like you’re carrying anything to clean up the mess.”

    Guy: “No, I’m not carrying anything to clean it up so you’ll have to do that. My dog needs to go to the toilet. You’re not being very helpful here.”

    Me: “Sorry, I’m just here to direct people to where they need to park.”

    Guy: “Look, my dog needs to go to the toilet and I’m bringing it in.”

    Coworker: “Look, you bloody moron. This is a car park, not a g**d*** toilet! Take your dog and piss off!”

    Guy: “You are not being very helpful at all! ¬†I’m going to go and issue a complaint against you but after I bring my dog in here and let it do its business!”

    Coworker: “You bring your dog in here and we’ll have you fined. This car park is located on government property and allowing a dog to go to the toilet carries a fine.”

    Guy: “It’s people like you who are what is wrong with the world!”

    Going Bananas

    | Oildale, CA, USA |

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need to know what you can do for my dog. He’s really aggressive and tries to bite me and everyone. Do you train dogs here or something?”

    Me: “No, sir, but I can refer you to a trainer.”

    Customer: “I don’t have time for that I need advice now. What do you think I should do?”

    Me: “Well, sir, is he a show dog?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Are you going to use him for breeding?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “I would suggest that you have him neutered as a first step; it will help calm him down. Also, enroll him in an obedience class, that will–”

    Customer: “Neuter him? You mean cut his ball off!?”

    Me: “Well…”

    Customer: “G**d***it, that’s so typical! All you feminist Nazis all just wanna cut off all us men’s balls!”

    (Just then, the main veterinarian comes out from the back to see what the yelling is about.)

    Veterinarian: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I’ll tell you what! That girl there suggested I get his balls whacked off!”

    Veterinarian: “Now, Sarah, I’ve told you before we don’t treat exotic animals here, haven’t I?”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Veterinarian: “Well lets not have this happen again…” *turns back to customer* “I am sorry, sir. We normally do not treat large apes, but since my person here already told you we did, I’ll honor it. When would you like to make the appointment?”

    Customer: *storms out*

    But Daddy, I Don’t Wanna Be An Ad Executive

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Hello, ***. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. Yeah, I’m coming into New York next week and I was wondering if you could watch my kid for awhile.”

    Me: “… Excuse me?”

    Caller: “I googled ‘entertainment’ and ‘New York’ and your name came up. I saw that you do stuff with Nickelodeon. Where are you guys? Can I just drop her off?”

    Me: “Sir, this is an office. We handle transmedia needs for companies like Nickelodeon that want to expand awareness of their media into other formats.”

    Caller: “Oh, is that good for kids?”

    Would You Like French Resistance Fries With That

    | Canberra, Australia |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Elderly customer: “SIX OF THE ENEMY PLEASE!”

    Me: “… Sorry?”

    Elderly customer: “Six of the german frankfurts!”

    Me: “Oh, right…”

    Customer Of The Week: Non-Native Speaker

    | Sasketchewan, Canada | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: Non-Native Speaker
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    He Uses The Google

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