We Ain’t Got Jack

| Worcester, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: this occurred on October 30th.)

Customer: “Hi, can you help me find a costume? I’m looking for a Jack Sparrow costume for my son.”

Me: “Ah, well, I can tell you that Jack was a very popular character this year, and unfortunately we are out of all our Jack Sparrow costumes, even adults. But we–”

Customer: “What! That’s outrageous! How can you be out of the most popular costume?”

Me: “Well we’ve tried to keep up with demand, but I guess a lot of people shopped early this year. We sold out of many of the most popular costumes, Jack Sparrow being one of them. We have other pirate items.”

Customer: “No, no, no! He wants to be Jack! I can’t believe this, this is the fifth costume shop I have been to today and no one has this costume! Why don’t you people keep more of them around?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. If you like, I would be happy to help you pull together a Jack Sparrow costume out of items we do have.”

Customer: *walking away* “Outrageous! How can a store be out of the most popular Halloween costumes when Halloween is tomorrow?!”

Truly Fake Intentions

, | Waterford, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer and his wife come in to find an outfit for her to wear. He seems particularly interested in one that’s being worn by a mannequin.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you have the outfit on the mannequin?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I sold the last one earlier today. The one the mannequin is wearing is the only one I have.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t you just give me that one then?”

Me: “I can, but I do have another almost identical outfit in stock.”

Customer: “No, I want that one!”

Me: “Okay, sir.”

(I start dragging the mannequin to the back.)

Customer: “Where are you going?”

Me: “City law says I can’t undress her in front of the windows, sir.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t I have that one?”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I want the one on the mannequin!”

Me: “That’s what I’m doing sir.”

Customer: “I WANT THE ONE ON THE MANNEQUIN!”

(His wife suddenly appears from another part of the store.)

Customer’s wife: “He just wants to see the mannequin naked.”

Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 3

| Jackson, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a store near a drive-through safari. One day, a motorcycle rider comes into the store.)

Manager: “Sir, you can’t go through on a motorcycle–it’s not safe for you or the animals.

Motorcycle rider: “I’ve been through before in my car and nothing happened.”

Manager: “Sir, there are bears, monkeys, and giraffes wandering loose. You could be hurt. We can’t let you got through. We offer a bus service–”

Motorcycle rider: “This is discrimination! What kind of place doesn’t allow cycle riders?”

(During this time, a group of bus riders is shopping in the store. One of them speaks up.)

Bus rider: “Oh, just let him get eaten! That’s a nice bike, and the monkeys and bears will tear it apart anyway.”

Motorcycle rider: “They’d do that to my bike?”

(He rode the bus that day.)

Related:
Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2
Getting Your Priorities Straight

Loosely Based On A True Story

| Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

Patient: “I think there’s something wrong with my tooth.”

Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

Patient: “Well, I think it’s loose.”

(The patient suddenly spits his tooth onto the counter in front of me.)

Me: “Yes…yes, I think you’re right.”

Disappointed By A Lack Of Disappointment, Part 2

| Kennewick, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support, how can I help you?”

Customer: “My device won’t charge!”

Me: “Okay, is it plugged in right now?”

Customer: “No, but it doesn’t charge!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, just to cover all the bases, can you plug it back in for me?”

Customer: “Okay, but it won’t charge!” *pause* “G** D*** it! It’s charging!”

Me: “Well, it sounds like it was a one-time glitch, but if it gives you any more problems, please call us right away so we can get it fixed for you, okay?”

Customer: “I’m not going to call you back! You’re just going to make it work again!”

Related:
Disappointed By A Lack Of Disappointment

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