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    Reincarnavian

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I need to buy this bird.”

    Me: “Ok, have you ever had a bird before?”

    Customer: “I’ve had THIS bird before! I need to have this bird! My bird died last week and this bird tells me that he is my bird reincarnated! I need to have this bird.”

    Me: “The bird told you?”

    Customer: “How else would I know?”

    Hamming It Up

    | Liberty, MO, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m not sure what to get. Do you have any suggestions?”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am! The oven roasted turkey is very popular, and the black pepper chicken is quite good.”

    Customer: “What about this ham, have you tried it?”

    Me: “I haven’t, no, but would you like a sample?”

    Customer: “Why haven’t you tried it? Is it gross?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t tried it because it’s not kosher.”

    Customer: “You work here, you should have tried everything!”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am. Would you like a sample?”

    Customer: “No! I want you to try it first!”

    Me: “I’m not going to eat the ham.”

    Customer: “Well that’s not very Christian of you, is it?”

    When You’re This Stupid You Have Nothing Toulouse

    | London, UK |

    Customer: “I need to change my currency before I get on the train to Paris.”

    Me: “Okay, sir. There is a Bureau De Change just over there where you can purchase your Euros.”

    Customer: “What? I already have Euros. I need to get some Francs.”

    Me: “Sir, they only accept Euros in France now. You will not need Francs.”

    Customer: “OK whatever. Next question: how do I get to France from Paris?”

    Saw The Wrong Dust

    | London, UK |

    Customer: “Is this movie one of those violent ones?”

    (Customer shows me a copy of ‘Stardust’.)

    Me: “No sir, that’s a family fantasy movie.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I thought Sawdust was violent and gory?”

    Me: “Sir you’re think of the ‘Saw’ movies. You have a copy of ‘Stardust’, which is completely different.”

    Customer: “I was looking for something really disturbing and violent.”

    Me: “Well ‘Stardust’ has a scene with Robert De Niro in a dress doing the can-can.”

    (Customer mulls this over for a few seconds.)

    Customer: “I think you’d better show me where those ‘Saw’ movies are.”

    Dog Teeth Are Not Rootine

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, can I have a toothbrush?”

    Me: “Sure.” *I hand her a toothbrush*

    (The customer leaves, and she comes back about five minutes later.)

    Me: “Do you need toothpaste?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, I was just wondering if this toothbrush is ADA approved? It doesn’t say that on the label.”

    Me: “That’s because we special order our toothbrushes in bulk. The box that the shipment comes in says it’s ADA approved, though, if you want me to show you that.”

    Customer: “I should. Harry is very finicky about his teeth, and I forgot his toothbrush at home.”

    (I get the box and show her that the toothbrush is ADA approved.)

    Customer: “Oh, good, Harry will be so happy! Here, let me show you some pictures of my baby!”

    (She takes out her wallet and shows me pictures of a golden retriever.)

    Me: “Um…is Harry a dog?”

    Customer: “Of course! He’s my baby!”

    Me: “We don’t allow pets in this hotel.”

    Customer: “Oh. Can I still keep the toothbrush?”

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