November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!


| Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Does this printer use ink?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “And I have to buy the ink separate?”

Me: “Yes, once the ink runs out. It actually costs quite a bit compared to the two dollars this used printer is priced at.”

Customer: “Oh, well I don’t want that. Where can I get a printer that doesn’t use ink?”

Lost In Time And Retail Space

| Billings, MT, USA | Top

(I’ve worked in the store for over a year. There is also a small pin on my badge saying ‘serving you since 2008’.)

Customer: “Hi! Are you new? I haven’t seen you here before.”

Me: “Actually, no, I’ve worked here for a year and a half.”

Customer: “No way! I shop here everyday! I’ve never seen you!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that I’ve worked here for that long. Look at my name badge.”

Customer: “I want to see your manager! You’re a liar! It says you’ve been here since 2008!”

Me: “I have.”

Customer: “Who did you steal that pin from?”

Me: “It’s mine.”

(My manager comes over.)

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “This girl is a liar! She’s says she worked here since 2008!”

Manager: “She has.”

Customer: “2008 hasn’t even happened yet!”

Picture Imperfect

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

(I am speaking to a woman who is wanting to specify a ring valued at £4,000.)

Me: “Okay, so just to let you know that because the item is valued at over £1,500, you will need to provide proof of its value if you do have to make a claim on it.”

Customer: “So a receipt would be okay?”

Me: “That’ll be fine, but for peace of mind a lot of people take pictures of their more expensive items in case they do need to claim on them because of loss or theft.”

Customer: *long pause* “Um… how am I supposed to take a picture of it if I have lost it?”

Me: “You…you take a picture of it before you lose it.”

Customer: “Oh! That makes more sense now. I thought you were saying I’d have to find it again so I can take a picture to claim for it.”

Pre(Car)ious Insurance

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(I rent out loaner cars at a luxury-car dealership and try to loan similar cars to customers unless they are already booked.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we are out of luxury cars today. I have another vehicle that we can get you going in.”

Customer: “No. I dropped off a luxury car, I should get one as a loaner.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have any available right now. This other car is actually very nice, and quite–”

Customer: “I refuse to drive that car! It’s not safe! What if someone crashes into me while I’m driving? There are too many crazies on the road, and I demand a safe car to drive!”

(A luxury loaner vehicle returns unexpectedly and I offer it to the customer.)

Me: “Would you like to purchased the additional coverage on the loaner vehicle in case of an incident?”

Customer: “Of course not! Like anything’s going to happen!”

Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 2

| Frisco, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(Due to a power outage, all movies have stopped. After employees visit each theater to tell customers what is happening, the power comes back on.)

Me: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to get your movie back on screen in just a moment.”

(The movie starts up. Unfortunately, when a projector gets cut off in the middle of the movie, it is about two minutes later in the film than when the power cut out.)

Customer: “Rewind the movie!”

Me: “I’m sorry, there is no way to rewind a film sir.”

Customer: “Just use the remote!”

Me: “Sir, movies on film are not like DVDs or VHS tapes. You cannot simply rewind it.”

Customer: “Shut up and give me the remote, I’ll do it!”

Not Remotely Intelligent