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    Peppering The Truth With Lies

    | Hinton, WV, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can I get a peppermint tea please?”

    Me: “Okay, what size of mint tea would you like?”

    Customer: “I want a large and I want a peppermint tea. Not a mint tea.”

    Me: “They are both the same thing.”

    Customer: “No they aren’t! Peppermint tea has pepper in it!”

    Like A Fish Out Of Water

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

    (Our store has a return policy involving fish that they can return them as long as they have the animal and receipt.)

    Customer: “My fish died again.”

    Me: “How long did you have the fish for?”

    Customer: “Only about two days. This is the second fish this has happened with.”

    (I proceed to start asking questions about her daily tasks of tank operations. After several minutes, I can’t figure out what is wrong.)

    Me: “How about you take me through your daily routine?”

    Customer: “Well, first I go down and feed the fish. Then I pick him up and pet him for a bit. Then around lunchtime, I pet him some more.”

    Me: “So you pull the fish out of the water and pet it?”

    Customer: “Only for a few minutes. Why?”

    Me: “Fish can’t breath out of water. Didn’t you notice it gasping?”

    Customer: “Well, it can just hold its breath, right?”

    Tis The Pre-Season

    | Westerville, OH, USA | Westerville, OH, USA | Holidays, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, are you all not releasing Christmas ornaments this year?”

    Me: “No, we’re still going to be releasing them.”

    Customer: “Well it’s awfully late. Are they delayed this year? They’re usually out by now.”

    Me: “It’s June, sir. They’ll be out in July like always.”

    Customer: “Oh my! It gets later and later every year.”

    Daddy’s Little Hacker

    | Oregon, USA | Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners, Technology, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “My girlfriend didn’t get her gift, and I want to know why.”

    Me: *looking into order* “Sir, I see that we received an email from you asking that we cancel the order, so we did.”

    Caller: “That’s impossible! Why would I do that? What email address was the email from?”

    (I verify his email address.)

    Caller: “Well, that’s the right address, but I didn’t send the email, you must have done it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but are you saying that I somehow hacked into your email account?”

    Caller: “Well, someone there hacked into my account!”

    Me: “Does anyone else know your password by any chance?”

    Caller: “No, I never give it out to anyone, that would be stupid.”

    Me: “At this point, I’m not sure how else to look into this. If you’re sure no one else has your password, let me get someone in our loss prevention department involved. They may know more. I’ll call you back when I have more information.”

    (I explain this all to someone in loss prevention and she calls him back. Later, she tells me what she found out.)

    Loss Prevention: “Turns out his daughter canceled the order because she doesn’t like dad’s new girlfriend.”

    (Don’t) See How They Run

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    Customer: “I need to find a cage for my hamster.”

    Me: “I can help. Is it a Syrian or a Dwarf?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s really tiny.”

    Me: “Probably a dwarf.”

    (I show her several hamster cages but she doesn’t like any.)

    Me: “If your hamster is a dwarf, he might be able to live inside a mouse cage.”

    Customer: “What’s that? A mouse?”

    Me: “Yes, a mouse.”

    (I show her the mice we have for sale).

    Customer: “I don’t think I have a hamster. I have one of these.”

    Me: “You can’t tell a hamster from a mouse?”

    Customer: “I can’t get a good look at them when they run across the garage!”

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