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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

    | Boston, MA, USA | Top

    (A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

    Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the internet.”

    Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

    Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

    Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

    Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour…I keep closing it and trying again!”

    Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

    Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

    Me: “What’s that word?”

    Patron:Now!”

    Me: “And the others?”

    Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”

    Cool Bosses Make All The Difference

    , | Lewistown, PA, USA |

    Deli Customer: “I’d like the Italian, please.”

    Me: “Would you like any condiments on that? Spicy relish, oil?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like both, please.”

    (I finish making the hoagie and ring up the price which is now $3.20 with the extra condiments.)

    Customer: “Last time I was here, my hoagie was $2.75.”

    Me: “Actually, that’s the price of the regular Italian hoagie. Is that what you wanted instead of the Super Italian?”

    Customer: “No, I wanted the Super.”

    Me: “Well, the Super is $3.00, and with the spicy relish and oil your total comes to $3.20.”

    Customer: *angrily* “Last time it was $2.75!”

    (She walks off to the counter to pay, and complains to the assistant manager.)

    Assistant Manager: “She says she’s coming in tomorrow to complain about you to Mike (the owner).”

    Me: “Oh, great…”

    (The next day…)

    Mike: “You made sure she wanted the Super Italian?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Mike: “And you made sure you checked that you added up the price right?”

    Me: “Yes… so what do you think?”

    Mike: “Psht, f**k her!”

    Driving While Supplemented

    | Australia |

    (While interviewing a man I had just stopped for drunk driving one night…)

    Me: “How much did you have to drink?”

    Him: “A bottle of wine and a scotch in four hours. I thought I was okay to drive.”

    Me: “Are you taking any medication?”

    Him: “Well, I just started taking those fish oil capsules.”

    Me: “The Omega 3 ones?”

    Him: “Yes, those ones.”

    Me: “Those are supposed to make you smarter.”

    Him: “Yes, they are.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure you can get your money back for them, then.”

    Hopefully, He Doesn’t Look As Stupid As He Sounds

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you sir?”

    Customer: “Do you guys sell pallets?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t.”

    Customer: “… but there’s a whole bunch behind your store just sitting there.”

    Me: “Yes, but we reuse those. We don’t sell them.”

    Customer: “Well, is it illegal if I steal one of them?”

    Me: “Repeat what you just said to yourself.”

    Customer: *thinks for a second* “Oh.”

    It (Almost) Never Hurts To Check

    , | Baltimore, MD, USA | Top

    Customer: “Let me see that knife in the case.”

    Me: “Here ya go.”

    Customer: “I don’t think this knife is sharp enough.”

    Me: “Really? ”

    (The customer pulls the blade across his palm, slicing his hand open and spilling blood all over the floor.)

    Customer: “I guess it is.”

    Me: “Would you like some paper towels?”


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