Featured Story:
  • Got A Tip-Off About Grandpa’s Antics
    (2,149 thumbs up)
  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
    Submit your story today!

    When Right Can Be Wrong

    | Lindon, UT, USA |

    Me: “Sir, go ahead and right click on the icon. Now do you see that menu that appears when you right click?”

    Customer: “Nothing happened.”

    Me: “That’s alright. If you double click on the icon, does it open up the file?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it opens it up. Just nothing happens when I right click.”

    Me: “Ok, have you had any issues with right clicking before?”

    Customer: “No, the mouse always clicks and opens whatever I click it on.”

    Me: “Ok, try right clicking on the icon again.”

    Customer: “It’s still doing nothing.”

    Me: “Is your mouse cursor on the icon?”

    Customer: “Yeah, but if I move it any further to the right, it won’t be on the icon anymore.”

    The Hangover Doesn’t Taste So Suite

    | USA |

    Me: “Guest services, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “You can help me by telling me what this 500 dollars is on my d*** bill!”

    (After looking up his bill, I see that not only did they smoke a number of substances which they left evidence of in the room, but they also broke the entire bathroom mirror, and burned a heart design into the computer desk.)

    Me: “Sir, it appears that have charge a fee on each of your rooms for damage as well as a fee for smoking in the room. This is a non-smoking property.”

    Caller: “I can’t help what my girl does.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we have a strict no-smoking policy, and you are responsible for the state of the room because you made the reservation.”

    Caller: “I can’t help it! My girl likes to smoke afterwards!”

    Me: “It also looks like you broke a mirror in one of the rooms.”

    Caller: “That was Bibby. Bibby crazy, girl. Bibby crazy.”

    Me: “Well sir, you made the reservations, so you are responsible for your girlfriend, as well as ‘Bibby’.”

    Caller: “She ain’t my girlfriend, she just my girl.”

    Me: “Someone burned a heart into the desk in one of the rooms, and we had to bring in a steam cleaner for both carpets, because of the vomit.”

    Caller: “I told you Bibby was crazy.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we are keeping the damage fee, even though ‘Bibby’ burned the desk.”

    Caller: “Oh, no the desk was me.”

    Me: “Then it is absolutely your responsibility.”

    Caller: “It was a declaration of love, woman. She wanted a declaration of love!”

    Me: “If you have any further questions, sir, you’re going to have to call our corporate customer care line.”

    Caller: “It was for LOVE!”

    Talking Turkey

    | United Kingdom |

    (A customer rings the store on Christmas eve to speak to the meat manager.)

    Caller: “I’ve bought this turkey from you and there’s no meat on the breast. How am I supposed to feed everyone tomorrow?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, can I just ask you to check you haven’t put the bird in the oven upside down?”

    Caller: “I know how to roast a bloody turkey!”

    *sound of footsteps*

    *sound of oven door opening*

    *sound of oven door closing*

    *sound of footsteps*

    *sound of phone hanging up*

    Reincarnavian

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I need to buy this bird.”

    Me: “Ok, have you ever had a bird before?”

    Customer: “I’ve had THIS bird before! I need to have this bird! My bird died last week and this bird tells me that he is my bird reincarnated! I need to have this bird.”

    Me: “The bird told you?”

    Customer: “How else would I know?”

    Hamming It Up

    | Liberty, MO, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m not sure what to get. Do you have any suggestions?”

    Me: “Certainly, ma’am! The oven roasted turkey is very popular, and the black pepper chicken is quite good.”

    Customer: “What about this ham, have you tried it?”

    Me: “I haven’t, no, but would you like a sample?”

    Customer: “Why haven’t you tried it? Is it gross?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I haven’t tried it because it’s not kosher.”

    Customer: “You work here, you should have tried everything!”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am. Would you like a sample?”

    Customer: “No! I want you to try it first!”

    Me: “I’m not going to eat the ham.”

    Customer: “Well that’s not very Christian of you, is it?”

    Page 1,951/2,560First...1,9491,9501,9511,9521,953...Last