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    Like Father, Like Son

    | Santa Fe, NM, USA |

    (A guy walks up to the register carrying his two or three year old son and places him on the counter.)

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us?”

    Guy: “No, and I don’t want one either. No!”

    (The little boy grabs the stylus from the PIN pad and starts trying to draw.)

    Little boy: “No! No! No! No!”

    Me: *jokingly* “See, look what you taught him.”

    (The guy tries to take the stylus from his son.)

    Guy: “Give me the d*** pen!”

    Little boy: “Give me the d*** pen! Give me the d*** pen!”

    How Many Ways Can You Say Woof

    | Palm Beach, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yeah, can I help you?”

    Customer: “My son is in the hospital because of a car accident, and I want to get him a sympathy card.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; the sympathy cards are right over here.”

    (The customer goes through the cards for a few minutes, and then comes back to find me at the counter.)

    Customer: “I found a card for him from me, but I also need one from his dog.”

    Me: “His… dog?”

    Customer: “Yes, I want to send him a card from his dog to show him that he cares.”

    Me: “I don’t think we carry sympathy cards from pets. But, we do have blank cards with pictures of dogs on them that you can use.”

    Customer: “No! It has to be a SYMPATHY CARD!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we just don’t sell that card.”

    Customer: “Yes you do! I saw one like it just a few weeks ago! I want to see your manager!”

    Manager: “Is there a problem ma’am?”

    Customer: “YES! I need a sympathy card for my son from his dog!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we don’t carry that type of card.”

    Customer: “Yes you do! I saw it here a few weeks ago!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but we’ve never sold that type of card here before. You could fill out a blank card if you like? They’re pretty cheap, and some have pictures of dogs on them.”

    Customer: “Uggghhh!” *throws hand up in the air*

    Kitteh Sez STFU

    | Concord, CA, USA |

    (I’m tending to the cats at our pet store when a young woman comes up and points at a small tabby, Velma.)

    Me: “Ah, would you like to see Velma? She’s a little shy but very sweet.”

    Customer: “I can has cat?”

    Me: “Um… if you are interested in adopting, I’ll be happy to get out Velma or any of the cats so that you can get to know them a little better.”

    Customer: “I can has lolcat?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “She is in her playpen, stealin our funs!”

    Me: “You know, pets can be a big responsibility, and I’m not sure a cat would be the best thing for you right now.”

    Customer: “K thanks bye!” *turns and walks out of the store*

    Me, to Velma: “I think I may have just saved your life.”

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    Amen

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (A customer runs in two minutes to closing time.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we’re closing soon.”

    Customer: “What do you mean, you’re closing? But I haven’t had time to get what I want!”

    Me: “We’re open again tomorrow, 9 til 9.”

    Customer: “You should stay open until 10. People need to do their shopping, you know.”

    Me: “Sir, people like you are the reason that people like me don’t have lives.”

    How Spiderwoman Goes Shopping

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, where is the exit to the street?”

    Me: “Take the escalator down to the first floor and go out any of the doors.”

    Customer: “Down? I have to go down? But I came in on this floor.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the 3rd floor.”

    Customer: “But I came in on this floor.”

    Me: “That’s impossible, this is the 3rd floor. ”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I swear I came in on this floor. And you know, the customer is always right. ”

    Me: “Unless you scaled the building to get in, I am right on this one.”

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