Perhaps He Would Prefer An Abacus

| Tennessee, USA | Uncategorized

(I was helping a user in one of our accounting firm’s remote offices.)

Caller: “My email isn’t working!”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “I already said, my email isn’t working!”

Me: “Okay, so is it not sending email, or is it not opening?”

Caller: “It’s not sending email. This is pathetic! I don’t have
time for this!”

Me: “I am here to help you. Does it say ‘connected’ at the lower right hand of the screen?”

Caller: “I don’t know, this isn’t my job! It’s yours, so fix it!”

Me: “I am trying to, sir, but I will need your help with fixing this issue remotely.”

Caller: “No, that’s not what I get paid to do. I am an accountant! I’m not supposed to know how to use a computer!”

Not Always Right Book: Facebook Giveaway

Facebook Giveaway | Uncategorized

Not Always Right Book

Dear Readers,

Win a FREE copy of the new Not Always Right book!

To enter our book giveaway, simply visit the official Not Always Right Facebook group and follow the contest instructions.

Psst #1: Not a Facebook user? No problem! We have a similar book giveaway planned for following us on Twitter in the next few weeks–stay tuned for details!

Psst #2: Don’t know what book we’re talking about? Visit the official Not Always Right Book page!

Fighting Fire With Fire, Part 3

| Huntingdon, Cambs, UK | Uncategorized

(A man walks up to our gas station pumps smoking a cigarette. I am working alone, so I talk to him using the microphone.)

Me: “Could you please move away from the pumps with your cigarettes immediately?”

Smoking Man: *shouts back to me* “Petroleum extinguishes cigarettes!”

Me: “You can’t smoke here. There are lots of explosive fumes!”

Smoking Man: “No, I am a fireman! We use petroleum to put out fires!”

Me: “I doubt that. I have now stopped all the pumps so no one else can get any gas until you leave the gas station.”

Smoking Man: “PETROL EXTINGUISHES CIGARETTES!”

(Just then, a customer who has been pumping gas speaks up.)

Customer: “I’ll f***ing extinguish you, you d***!” *chases Smoking Man out of the gas station*

Related:
Fighting Fire With Fire, Part 2
Fighting Fire With Fire

When Good Onions Go Bad

| Gainesville, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(At the natural foods store where I work, we cater to a lot of people with food allergies. I overhear this conversation between two customers:)

Customer 1: “I have a mild case of celiac disease. It’s always so tempting to just eat a little bit of bread or cookies, but I regret it so much later!”

Customer 2: “Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I love onions, but I’m terribly sensitive to them. They make me suicidal!”

Customer 1: *laughs* “I’m sure they’re not that bad!”

Customer 2: “Very much so! I can tell when I accidentally eat some because my thoughts turn dark. I hallucinated the bacon had a gun and wanted revenge!”

The Aura-oma Of Fresh Coffee

| Lakeville, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer orders a Zebra Mocha, but requests ‘love’. I add the note ‘Please make with love!’ to the order. I give the drink to her, and she takes a sip.)

Customer: “Hey! I wanted it made with LOVE! I can taste the despair and hatred!”

Me: “Sorry, do you want me to remake it?”

Customer: “No! I want someone else to make it. You reek of hate and despair and sadness. I want LOVE!”

Me: “Um…okay. Well, I’m the only one here, so can I give you a refund or remake it?”

Customer: “Fine, but remember the LOVE.”

Me: *remakes drink* “Here you go…honey!”

Customer: “Thanks!”

Page 1,951/2,467First...1,9491,9501,9511,9521,953...Last