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    If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Top

    (I was walking a customer through setting up a fairly complex product.)

    Customer: “Next or back?”

    Me: “Next.”

    Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

    Me: “We do not need to change any of the default settings, so we will be hitting next on the next 7 or 8 screens in a row. Let me know when another option other then next or back appears.”

    Customer: *obviously not getting it* “Okay, now do I hit next or back?”

    Me: “Hit next, and also hit next on the following 5 or 6 pages until there is no more next button.”

    Customer: “Okay, I clicked next. Now do I hit next or back?”

    (At this point I am going insane and decide to have a little fun.)

    Me: “Click back.”

    Customer: “Okay, now next or back?”

    Me: “Click next.”

    Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

    Me: “Click back.”

    Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

    Me: “Click next.”

    Customer: “Okay, next or back?”

    Me: “Click back.”

    (This goes on for a few minutes until the customer realises what’s going on. Or so I thought…)

    Customer: “I think it’s broken, it keeps looping through the same pages!”

    Tampax, Kayaks, Same Thing

    | Hill Country, TX, USA |

    (I work at a place that provides kayaks, hiking/climbing gear, canoes, and inner tubes for students at our university.)

    Young Woman: “Hi, I need deodorant and a tampon.”

    Me: “Um, we don’t have those here.”

    Young Woman: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “This is the Outdoor Center. We provide outdoor recreational equipment for students.”

    Young Woman: “Well I’m a student, I’m outside, and I need deodorant and a tampon!”

    (About this time my co worker looks up with a look on her face of WTF?!)

    Me: “Yeah…those don’t come with kayaks or canoes.”

    Young Woman: “They should!”

    (I walk off to let my female coworker take over this one.)

    A Whale Of A Story

    | Alaska, USA | Top

    Tourist: “Are you from here?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Tourist: “We are here to see the whales.”

    Me: “Oh, that sounds exciting.”

    Tourist: “So is there some little place known only to locals where you can watch the whales lay their eggs?”

    Me: *trying not to die laughing* “Um…yes there is, but we really aren’t supposed to tell the tourists.”

    Tourist: “Come on, please? We’ve come a long way. There’s big tip in it for you.”

    Me: “Well, okay. If you go down to the beach around 2am, make really loud whale calls and wave your arms around, it will make them feel welcome. They will swim up to you, dig a hole in the sand with their fins and lay their eggs.”

    (I always wondered if she went.)

    Step One: Stay Away From The Computer

    | United Kingdom |

    (I’m meeting a client’s boss face to face, after only contact via email thus far.)

    Client’s Boss: “So you are the guy sending technical emails to one of my teams!”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t follow.”

    Client’s Boss: “You sent a bunch of emails filled with technical jargon when all they wanted was some help with their system.”

    Me: “It wasn’t technical, it was just a step by step guide on how to zip a file and send it via email. I checked it with my colleagues to make sure it was easy to understand.”

    Client’s Boss: “But the team wanted to save space on their server, not do programming. You have to understand that many of them are older and don’t understand how to use computers!”

    (So they don’t know how to use computers, and yet they use them everyday…scary.)

    Bird Brained, Part 2

    | Santa Cruz, CA, USA |

    (I had just finished giving a 45 minute tour about a certain “mysterious” spot that causes people to supposedly feel dizzy and stand at strange angles.)

    Tourist: “So do the birds feel the effects of the mystery?”

    Me: “Well they don’t appear to fly funny, but it’s possible.”

    Tourist: “…but do they FEEL the effects?”

    Me: “Well, I don’t really know because I can’t exactly ask them how they feel. They are birds.”

    Tourist: “I just wanna know if they feel the effects!”

    Me: “Hold on, I’ll go ask them.” *walks away*

    Related:
    Bird Brained


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