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    Limping Through College

    | Flint, MI, USA | Books & Reading, School, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can you help me find the book for my class?”

    Me: “Sure. Do you have your course schedule?”

    Customer: “Uh, no. Why?”

    Me: “They tell me what books are needed for each class.”

    Customer: “Cool.”

    Me: “So, I need to know what class you’re taking.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “English, Math, Physics, Biology? If you can tell me what the course is, we might be able to find it that way.”

    Customer: “Sorry, dude. I’m new to this whole college thing.”

    Me: “How about your professor’s name? We’ve got quite a few professors that only teach one class.”

    Customer: “My class is at night. Wednesdays, I think. And my teacher is a lady, with a limp.”

    Me: *Looking at a course card.* “I found it! Wednesday nights, with the lady who limps.”

    Customer: “Bro, you’re a life saver.”

    Me: “I was kidding.”

    Customer: “So, that’s not my book then?”

    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2

    | Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Child: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “What?”

    Child: “Are you old or just simple?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Child: “Cause my mom said everyone who works at [supermarket] is either old or simple.”

    (The mother comes running behind him, picks him up, and runs off.)

    Related:
    From The Mouth Of Babes

    At Lagerheads

    | Mississippi, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

    (A drunk guest comes down and wants their car but we refuse to give it to him because he is intoxicated. We call him a cab and ask if he needs his house key off his key ring.)

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. I might need that.”

    Me: “Okay, which one is it?”

    Customer: “It’s that black one right there.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s your car key. Which one is your house key?”

    Customer: “No, really. It’s that black one.”

    Me: “No…that’s your car key.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand, I made it universal. It opens everything in my house.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m just going to give you everything but the car key. Have a nice night, sir.”

    A Bit Grey With Anatomy

    | United Kingdom | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (We sometimes lose shoes and are stuck with one which we can’t sell. When this happens and it is a man’s shoe for the right foot, we sell them very cheaply to a war veteran who only has one leg. On this day, the veteran has just paid for one. There is a man behind him in the queue.)

    Customer: “Why does he get those shoes so cheaply?”

    Me: “Because he is only buying the right shoe, not a pair.”

    Customer: “Why would he want just one?”

    Me: “Because he only has one leg. He lost the other in combat.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but even if he lost one leg, he’s still got two feet, right?”

    Doesn’t Un-Dough-Stand What Pizza Is

    | Wyoming, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thanks for calling [Pizza Place]. Is this for carry out or delivery?”

    Caller: “Yeah, uh, I need to order a small pizza for carry out.”

    Me: “Sure, what would you like on it?”

    Caller: “No cheese, ’cause I don’t like cheese.”

    Me: “No problem.”

    Caller: “And no sauce, I hate sauce.”

    Me: “Okay. What toppings would you like?”

    Caller: “Oh, just plain.”

    Me: “Plain?”

    Caller: “Yeah, no toppings.”

    Me: “So, you want a small pizza with NO cheese, NO sauce, and NO toppings?”

    Caller: “Yeah. Do you, like, have a special name for that?”

    Me: “Bread.”

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