Finals At Hogwarts

| Australia | School, Uncategorized

(One of my students was absent the day of a test and she has had just handed it in.)

Me: “Okay, class. Now that [name] has done the test, I can give you them back.”

(I hand out the test papers.)

Student: “Where’s mine?”

Me: “You just did yours today. I’ll have it back to you tomorrow.”

Student: “But you just said!”

Me: “How was I supposed to mark it in 5 minutes?”

Student: *completely serious* “Doesn’t it just automatically mark itself?”

Retired & Extremely Dangerous

| Georgia, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for call [Pharmacy], may I help you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “I would like to get these two of my medications refilled and I want to pick them up tomorrow afternoon.”

Me: “Okay ma’am, that will be fine. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

Elderly Female Customer: “Honey, you can come to my house and do me anytime.”

Me: “I, uh, oh, uh…”

Elderly Female Customer: “I hope I didn’t offend you, but I’m old so I can say things like that!”

Freudian (Pay) Slip

| Latham, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(I am ringing up a mother and her son.)

Me: “Alright, ma’am, your total is $**.**.”

Son: “Wow, that is so much money! You’re taking all my momma’s money!”

Me: “Actually, your mother is paying for the items that she just purchased, and I’m not the one who gets the money anyways.”

Son: “Do you think I’m dumb? You get all the money; why else would you be here?”

Me: “The money that is paid here is made by the company. I’m here because the company pays me to check out customers.”

Son: “That’s stupid. You should get to keep the money.”

(As I’m about to respond, the mother chimes in.)

Mother: “Just ignore him, he’s stupid.”

The Pen Is Mightier Than The Brain

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “I’m about to give you your account number. Do you have a pen handy?”

Caller: “What’s a pen-handy?”

Popcon

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(A customer walks up holding a large red bag of popcorn to be refilled.)

Customer: “Hi, could I please get a refill?”

Me: “Did you buy this popcorn today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Oh, that’s weird because we stopped selling these popcorn bags a month ago. We have black bags now.”

Customer: “Oh…”

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