November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Your Logic Is See-Through

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “Can you have someone clean the water fountain filter? The water comes out dirty.”

Me: “Are you sure it’s dirty? Or is it just cloudy? Sometimes we just get air bubbles in the filtration and it looks cloudy.”

Caller: “No. I put it in a glass and it comes out filthy.”

Me: “If you set the glass down for a few minutes–”

Caller: “Yeah, it clears up.”

Me: “Well then, those are tiny air bubbles. As long as it clears up, that’s just-”

Caller: “No, but it comes out of the water fountain dirty. People drink from there.”

Me: “What if you put it into a glass, and leave it for a few minutes?”

Caller: “Right! Its clean then! The glass cleans it!”

Me: “Actually, I don’t think it’s the glass.”

Between A Rock And A Hard Head

| Lexington, KY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “What is a pebble?”

Me: “Well, it’s a very small rock…generally smooth.”

Customer: “Fine, where do you sell pebbles?”

Me: “Right at the back of the garden section, sir.”

Customer: “Are your pebbles heat-resistant?”

Me: “I’m not sure, but I could call one of our garden specialists to help you.”

Customer: “Never mind! I need heat resistant rocks!” (He shows me a rock.) “Is this rock limestone? Limestone is heat resistant.”

Me: “I can’t tell if it’s limestone just from looking, but limestone has a lot of calcium in it, so if you dip it in vinegar and fizzes up, it’s probably limestone.”

Customer: “Forget it! You are worthless! I’ll just stick this in the microwave and see if it’s heat resistant!”

(He storms off. He came back the next day…for a new microwave.)

Magnetic Lines Of Farce

| Hagerstown, MD, USA | Math & Science

(An elderly customer we have would order a new credit card, like clockwork, every two weeks.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. This is [credit card company]. We were reviewing your history with us and we noticed that you get a new one every two weeks.”

Caller: “Of course I do! They won’t work!”

Me: “What exactly is wrong with it ma’am?”

Caller: “The magnetic strip isn’t working!”

Me: “How can you tell this?”

Caller: “Well, when I put it on the fridge, it just falls off!”

Cost In The Translation, Part 2

| Cambridge, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “This food is terrible. I want a refund!”

(Turns to her daughter and starts speaking in Spanish.)

Customer: “The food was amazing, actually!”

Me: *also in Spanish* “I’ll send my compliments to the chef, then.”

Cost In The Translation

Matchless Yet Priceless

| San Diego, CA , USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Okay, that will be $230.11.”

Customer: “I’ll give you $75 for it.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “$110.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our prices are set.”

Customer: “Okay. $159.”

Me: “I am really sorry. I can’t bring it down from $230.11. If you’d like, I can help you pick out something within your price range?”

Customer: “Fine. Throw in that and I’ll get out of your hair.” (Points to a $100 hand held massager.)

Me: “I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “So much for price match! F*** this!” *leaves*