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    Stuck On Fast Forward

    | Texas, USA |

    Me: “Hi there, how are you today?”

    Customer: “A medium popcorn.”

    … And They Say The Post Office Is Slow

    | Troy, NY, USA | Top

    (A customer is buying a stamp for a letter shortly after the 2007 price increase.)

    Customer: “Why can’t I get a 39 cent stamp? You still have them.”

    Me: “We still have them in stock, but we have to make up the difference with 2 cent stamps. Don’t worry, we’ll stick the right amount on for you.”

    Customer: “I just want a 39 cent stamp.”

    Me: “Okay, but your letter will not get there.”

    Customer: “Just give me it!”

    (The customer takes the stamp, affixes it, and tosses the letter into the slot. I promptly pick up the letter from the bin and stamp it “Insufficient Postage, Return To Sender”.)

    There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People, Part 2

    , | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (I overheard a coworker trying to help someone choose a plant.)

    Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a nice plant for the front of my house.”

    Coworker: “Alright, we have a number of excellent options to choose from. What kind of sun exposure does the spot get?”

    Customer: “Well… it’s light all day, then dark at night.”

    Me: *losing hope*

    Related:
    There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People

    Next Time, Less Hair, More Planning

    | Ottawa, Canada |

    (My mother is a hostess in a Chinese buffet restaurant. Said restaurant only has Chinese employees. A woman with a fully stacked plate angrily approaches her.)

    Woman: “Excuse me! There’s a hair in my food! You have to give this meal to me for free!”

    (My mother looks at the woman’s plate, and what does she find? A single long blonde hair, neatly laid on top of her plate.)

    Related:
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 5
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 3
    How To Scam A Scammer, Part 2
    Lesson 1, How To Scam A Scammer

    Murphy’s Law In Action

    | Washington, D.C., USA |

    Me: “Tall latte on the bar.”

    (The latte does not get claimed.)

    Me: “We’ve got a tall latte up here, ready for pickup.”

    (The latte still does not get claimed. We make drinks for a few other customers, giving it a few more minutes.)

    Me: “Okay, last call for a tall latte, if nobody claims it we’re pitching it.”

    (The latte once against does not get claimed.)

    Me: “Okay then…”

    (I pour the drink down the sink.)

    Me, to a coworker: “I bet that in less than 30 seconds, we’ll get someone asking about a tall latte.”

    Woman, exactly 0.0001 seconds later: “Hi, was there a tall latte?”

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