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    No Paws For Thought

    | Canada | Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, [Public Transport], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you allow cats on your buses?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry, but only service animals are allowed on the bus.”

    Caller: “But she’s a very quiet cat! The airline let me take her!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but those are the rules. We can’t allow animals on board.”

    (We go back and forth like this for a few minutes.)

    Caller: *desperately* “What if I say she’s a seeing-eye cat? I could put a little collar on her saying she’s a seeing-eye cat.”

    Me: “I don’t think that’s going to work.”

    Caller: “What if I dress her like a dog?”

    Me: “They’re not going to buy that.”

    Caller: “Why not?!”

    (The conversation continues in a similar fashion.)

    Caller: “You’re not allowed to hang up on me, are you?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Caller: “I feel sorry for you.”

    Time Waits For Slow Man

    | Austin, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

    (A customer walks right before closing at which point I ask him if there’s anything I can help him find. When he says there isn’t, I politely let him know the store will be closing at in about 8 minutes. After spending 25 minutes in a dressing room, he puts his clothes on the counter and starts to look at the watches.)

    Customer: “I left my glasses at home. What’s this watch say on the face?”

    Me: “It says we closed twenty minutes ago and I’m ready to leave.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Pray There’s No Back Door

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Funny Names, Health & Body, Uncategorized

    Customer: *referring to the recital hall* “Excuse me, can you direct me to your Rectal Hall?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “The Rectal Hall. I need to get into your Rectal Hall. Where is your Rectal Hall?”

    Me: “I sincerely doubt you want the answer to that question.”

    An Open And Shut Case

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, [Tech Support]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “I just got your wireless internet thingy, but I’m not sure I like it.”

    Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

    Caller: “Oh, nothing’s wrong with it. It’s much faster than my old internet; but do I always have to open my windows? I hate opening up the windows.”

    Me: “What computer do you have?”

    Caller: “I have a Mac.”

    Me: “Then how do you–”

    Caller: “Oh! No. Not that computer windows thing! I don’t have that! I mean my actual windows around my house!”

    Me: “You’re… opening up you’re windows around your house?”

    Caller: “Yes! And it’s really chilly today!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I hate to interrupt, but why is this relevant to your internet problem?”

    Caller: “Well, it’s wireless! It comes through the air, right? How else am I going to get it if the windows are closed?”

    Sharing One’s Loss, Part 2

    | ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

    Caller: “I saw on my online account that this book I have out is lost.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “But it’s not lost, it’s right next to me. I can see it!”

    Related:
    Sharing One’s Loss

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