Tis The Pre-Season

| Westerville, OH, USA | Westerville, OH, USA | Holidays, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, are you all not releasing Christmas ornaments this year?”

Me: “No, we’re still going to be releasing them.”

Customer: “Well it’s awfully late. Are they delayed this year? They’re usually out by now.”

Me: “It’s June, sir. They’ll be out in July like always.”

Customer: “Oh my! It gets later and later every year.”

Daddy’s Little Hacker

| Oregon, USA | Family & Kids, Spouses & Partners, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [business]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My girlfriend didn’t get her gift, and I want to know why.”

Me: *looking into order* “Sir, I see that we received an email from you asking that we cancel the order, so we did.”

Caller: “That’s impossible! Why would I do that? What email address was the email from?”

(I verify his email address.)

Caller: “Well, that’s the right address, but I didn’t send the email, you must have done it!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but are you saying that I somehow hacked into your email account?”

Caller: “Well, someone there hacked into my account!”

Me: “Does anyone else know your password by any chance?”

Caller: “No, I never give it out to anyone, that would be stupid.”

Me: “At this point, I’m not sure how else to look into this. If you’re sure no one else has your password, let me get someone in our loss prevention department involved. They may know more. I’ll call you back when I have more information.”

(I explain this all to someone in loss prevention and she calls him back. Later, she tells me what she found out.)

Loss Prevention: “Turns out his daughter canceled the order because she doesn’t like dad’s new girlfriend.”

(Don’t) See How They Run

| Chicago, IL, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to find a cage for my hamster.”

Me: “I can help. Is it a Syrian or a Dwarf?”

Customer: “I don’t know. It’s really tiny.”

Me: “Probably a dwarf.”

(I show her several hamster cages but she doesn’t like any.)

Me: “If your hamster is a dwarf, he might be able to live inside a mouse cage.”

Customer: “What’s that? A mouse?”

Me: “Yes, a mouse.”

(I show her the mice we have for sale).

Customer: “I don’t think I have a hamster. I have one of these.”

Me: “You can’t tell a hamster from a mouse?”

Customer: “I can’t get a good look at them when they run across the garage!”

Without A Cake The Birthday Boy Will Be In Tiers

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

Me: “Oh, hi. Welcome to [Bakery]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to order a 3 tiered cake for my son’s birthday party.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. We have a design book on that table behind you where you could look at some possible designs.”

Customer: “Okay. How long would it take you to make the cake?”

Me: “Well it depends. If you get a simple design you might be able to pick it up by tomorrow afternoon, but if you get a more complicated design it make take 3 to 4 days.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s not gonna work for me.”

Me: “Why? What’s the problem?”

(The customer’s son runs inside the bakery.)

Customer’s son: “Dad, come on! The party starts in an hour!”

Logic Board Illogic

| Indianapolis, IN, USA | Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, this is ***.”

Caller: “I want to get my money back on a laptop I bought.”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Caller: “Nothing’s wrong. My mom won’t let me put internet on my laptop, so I don’t want it anymore.”

Me: “I don’t give refunds. My warranty only covers breaks.”

Caller: “So, if I break it you will give me my money back?”

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