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    Pre(Car)ious Insurance

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    (I rent out loaner cars at a luxury-car dealership and try to loan similar cars to customers unless they are already booked.)

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we are out of luxury cars today. I have another vehicle that we can get you going in.”

    Customer: “No. I dropped off a luxury car, I should get one as a loaner.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have any available right now. This other car is actually very nice, and quite–”

    Customer: “I refuse to drive that car! It’s not safe! What if someone crashes into me while I’m driving? There are too many crazies on the road, and I demand a safe car to drive!”

    (A luxury loaner vehicle returns unexpectedly and I offer it to the customer.)

    Me: “Would you like to purchased the additional coverage on the loaner vehicle in case of an incident?”

    Customer: “Of course not! Like anything’s going to happen!”

    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 2

    | Frisco, TX, USA |

    (Due to a power outage, all movies have stopped. After employees visit each theater to tell customers what is happening, the power comes back on.)

    Me: “Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to get your movie back on screen in just a moment.”

    (The movie starts up. Unfortunately, when a projector gets cut off in the middle of the movie, it is about two minutes later in the film than when the power cut out.)

    Customer: “Rewind the movie!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, there is no way to rewind a film sir.”

    Customer: “Just use the remote!”

    Me: “Sir, movies on film are not like DVDs or VHS tapes. You cannot simply rewind it.”

    Customer: “Shut up and give me the remote, I’ll do it!”

    Not Remotely Intelligent

    Talk Is Cheap, Texting However…

    | Utah, USA |

    (A customer walks up to our cell phone store looking very frustrated.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have charges on my bill for text messaging, but I have unlimited texting. Why did you charge me?”

    Me: “Ok, well let me look up your account and take a look.”

    (I look up the account and notice that he activated his service two weeks ago and doesn’t have a balance yet.)

    Me: “Sir, your balance right now is at $0.00. You don’t owe us anything yet.”

    Customer: “Yeah, you said I do! You sent me a text message about it!”

    (He pulls out his phone and shows me a text that says he owes $29.95 worth of texting to premium girls-chat website.)

    Me: “We haven’t charged you, but that company charges you if you use their…services.”

    Customer: “So I have to pay 29 bucks?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Well I’m going to delete her from my phone then, because she’s really expensive!”

    Rejection Incognito

    | New York, NY, USA |

    (A young boy walks in. It is February.)

    Me: “Hello, is there something I can help you find today?”

    Customer: “Hi, do you remember me?”

    Me: “No, sir, not really.”

    Customer: “C’mon, you’re going to tell me you don’t remember me? Remember, I came during the summer! Oh, I know why!” *takes off hat* “How about now?”

    Me: “Sorry, still nothing. Is there anything I can help you find though?”

    Customer: “No, I just came in to see if you remembered me.” *walks out dejected*

    Like Himself, His Answer Was Full Of Crap

    | Oregon, USA | Top

    Me: “Thanks for coming in today, sir. What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I can’t get this thing to work! I set up the password and now I can’t remember it.”

    Me: “Alright, that’s an easy fix. Let’s go to the site to reset your password.”

    (I guide the customer to the correct site and we get to the option to answer a secret question of the user’s choice. The question: ‘Am I a s***head?’)

    Customer: “Hmm…” *types ‘No’*

    Computer: “I’m sorry, the answer you have selected is incorrect. Please try again.”

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