November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Short-Sighted Fathers

| Hershey, PA, USA | Top

(A man and his son walks into the guest services office.)

Customer: “The rides person won’t let my son get on the pirate ship ride.”

Me: “Your son doesn’t appear to be tall enough. Will you have him stand by the height chart for me?”

(I measure the child and he is a good two inches shorter than the height requirement for the pirate ride.)

Me: “Sir, your son is not within the height category. He cannot legally ride the ride.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just stamp his hand and let him get on since I said it was okay?”

Me: “No sir, that is illegal. Your son will not be safe on that ride as the restraints are not built for smaller riders. We do have a kid’s version of that ride.”

Customer: “I’m going to get my wife. She’s wearing heels today. He can just put those on and be tall enough.”

Me: “Any shoes that are more than two inches thick need to be removed before we can measure the child, so that won’t work.”

Son: “Daddy, why can’t we ride the rides?”

Customer: “Because that horrible lady thinks you’re a midget.”

Not Exactly Driving Home His Point

| Syracuse, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. May I have your name please?”

Customer: “My bill is too high. I don’t understand why I owe you so much money. I took a bunch of stuff off my policy to lower my bill.”

Me: “Well I’m sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Give me just one moment to review your policy.”

(I place him on hold for a minute and see that the 19 year old kid has received two speeding tickets in less than three months.)

Me: “I see the reason for the increase is that you received two speeding tickets the second half of last year that is impacting your premium.”

Customer: “Fine! Then I request cancellation!”

Me: “Ok. I’ll need to get you in touch with your local agent so that they can assist you with replacing the policy. Let me give you the number in case I lose you in the transfer.”

Customer: “Well give me a minute. You are going to have to talk slowly. I’m driving down the road and need to write this down.”

Idiots Will Leave Behind A Tell-Tale Signature

| Plainville, CT, USA | Uncategorized

(I am a cashier finishing up with a customer. I gesture for him to sign the electronic pad when paying by card.)

Me: “Okay, please go ahead and sign the pad.”

(Customer takes out an ink pen and proceeds to get ink all over the electronic pad.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid that won’t work. You need to use the electronic pen.”

Customer: *suddenly realizing* “Oh, I’m sorry! Look at what I did! Will this come out?”

(Before I can answer, he attempts to erase the ink several times by pushing the “clear” button.)

Customer: “Doesn’t look like it’ll come out…”

Double The Pictures, Half The Brain

| Mexico City, Mexico | Uncategorized

(I am giving information about documents students need to bring to their university interview.)

Me: “We’ll need you to bring your birth certificate, an ID, your high school diploma and 8 black and white photos for your file.”

Customer: “Eight photos? How?”

Me: “Yes, 8 black and white photos.”

Customer: “You mean 4 black and 4 white?”

Giving A Pizza His Mind

| St. Petersburg, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Would you like to try our 2 for $20 special today?”

Customer: “I hate my wife!”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “She’s such a b****! I never did anything to deserve this. She’s so demanding and I can’t deal with it!” *continues ranting for a few minutes*

Me: “Sir, did you want to order a pizza?”

Customer: “No, I just needed someone to vent on.”

Me: “Oh. Well, I hope I helped.”

Customer: “It feels good to get that out! Have a good night.”

Me: “You too, sir!”

Customer: *click*