Not Quite Catching On

Chester, NY, USA | Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(This was back when the movie "Catch Me If You Can" came out. The movie poster has two large blue arrows pointing in different directions.  A man buys a ticket and goes down the hallway to the theater. We see him again, walking the other way and looking angry. Finally, he comes up to the counter.)

Me: "May I help you, sir?"

Customer: "Yes, where are you showing this movie?" *waves
the ticket in my face*

Me: "Just down that hallway, sir…the second door."

Customer: "Don’t give me that! I followed the arrows on the poster, and they led me to the bathroom and then a closet!"

Mall Brats

| Netherlands | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(My theatre group does a play at an amusement park. We often walk around the park in costume to tell visitors about the play. Note that the play was about two "bad guys" who wanted to cut all the trees to build a large shopping mall in the forest.)

Me: “Did you see those two guys? They want to build a mall here. I don’t know what that is, but it sounds bad!”

Little Girl: “You really don’t know what a mall is?”

Me: “No, I just live here in the forest.”

Little Girl: *with piercing eyes* “Really. I mean in real life.”

Me: “I really live here!”

Little Girl: “No, I mean when you’re in your normal clothes.”

Me: *giving up* “Okay, in real life I know what a mall is.”

Little Girl: *looks satisfied* “I knew it!”

Caesar 2: The [Roman] Empire Strikes Back

| Connecticut, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you carry books by Shakespeare here?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Which play did you need?”

Customer: “The one that sophomores read.” *gestures to the teenager next to her, presumably her daughter*

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s not just one play that sophomores read. Do you happen to know the title, or maybe what it’s about?”

Customer: *loudly* “The-One-That-Sophomore’s-Read!”

Me: “Well, let’s walk over to the section and see if we can figure it out. A lot of early high school students read A Midsummer Night’s Dream or Romeo & Juliet.”

Daughter: “I think Romeo & Juliet.”

Me: “Great!” *pulls out a copy to hand to her*

Daughter: “I don’t know though.”

Me: “Okay. Well, could it be Hamlet, maybe? Or Julius Caesar?”

Daughter:Julius Caesar? Isn’t that the sequel to Romeo & Juliet?”

Articulated Truck Drivers Aren’t Articulate

| Massachusetts, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(A truck driver walks up to desk and stares at wall behind me.)

Me: “Can…I help you?”

Driver: “Yeaaaaa…” *waits ten seconds, looks behind him, looks back at me, waits another 5 seconds* “I don’t have my shipment numbers.”

Me: “Well, where are they?”

Driver: “They’re in the truck.”

Me: “They’re in the truck?”

Driver: “Yup.”

Me: “So you left the truck with the numbers inside, walked all the way through the property, and up to my desk to tell me you left the numbers in the truck?”

Driver: “Yeaaaaaaa.” *stares at the wall again*

Me: “You want to go get them?”

Driver: “Get what?”

Me: “Are you filming this?”

Emergency Disservice

| Indiana, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(I am a Community Assistant. When a resident has a problem with their apartment they have to call the CA Duty phone. However, today is labor day and it’s my day off.)

Resident: “I have a emergency at my apartment!”

Me: “How can I help you sir?”

Resident: “There was a bee’s nest in my roof, but now the bees have come through a crack in the ceiling! My apartment is full of bees!”

Me: “Sir, I would recommend that you call some sort of animal services, but I can’t help you.”

Resident: “Well, why not? Doesn’t the apartment have some sort of procedure for this type of situation?”

Me: “Well, it’s Labor Day and my day off. Plus, you’re supposed to call me for maintenance issues, not insects.”

Resident: “You can’t take the day off! What if there was a medical emergency on a holiday!”

Me: “Then I hope you would call 911.”

Resident: “Don’t they have the day off, too?”

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