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    Let’s All Just Randomly Grab Crap

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a customer’s items.)

    Customer: “That’s wrong. That’s on sale.”

    Me: “Well, the system is usually correct, and I don’t believe it is, but I can have someone check.”

    (After the area is checked, we find that I am correct.)

    Me: “The sign back there says the clearance EXCLUDES your item.”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t.”

    Me: “Ma’am I just had an associate check for you to ensure that the item is not on sale.”

    Customer: “Yes it is! You are just a dumb cashier! Where is your supervisor?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am the supervisor. I’m sorry, but the sign clearly says in large red letters that your item is excluded from the sale.”

    Customer: “Well, I shouldnt have to pay attention! I saw clearance so I just grabbed something. I should get it cheaper because of it!”

    Hey G.W., Crazy Lady On Line 1

    | Washington, DC, USA |

    (I used to work in a building on 17th and Pennsylvania Ave, which is a block away from the White House.)

    Me: “Good morning, *** & ***.”

    Lady: “Uh, hi… is this office in DC?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, this is the DC office. How may I direct your call?”

    Lady: “Is your building by the White House?”

    Me: “Yes, it is…?”

    Lady: “Can you run over there and tell them to pick up the phone? I’ve been calling all day but I can’t get ahold of the President!”

    Me: *click*

    From Runaway Bride To Ex-Wife

    | Texas, USA | Spouses & Partners, Top

    (A few years ago I was working at a video store when there were still late fees, and this exchange occurred after I scanned a couple’s rentals:)

    Me: “Okay, sir, with the late fee from your last rental, your total is $9.50.”

    Husband: “What do you mean a late fee? I ALWAYS return my movies on time, so you need to remove that late fee right now!”

    Me: “Well sir, you returned–”

    Husband: “I said I ALWAYS return my movies on time and you need to remove that late fee right now! I’m not paying this!”

    Me: “Then you won’t be renting these movies tonight. All late fees must be paid before renting again.”

    Husband: “I’m NOT paying this, so you better take it off now!”

    Wife: “What movie is this late fee for anyway? We ALWAYS return our movies on time!”

    Me: “This is for Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts. You rented it on the 6th and it was due on the 11th, but you didn’t return it until the 15th. ”

    Husband: “Oh yeah, that’s right, we never got around to watching it. I’ll pay for it.”

    Wife: “We never rented Runaway Bride and I was out of town on the 6th.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s showing that Jennifer rented the title.”

    Wife: “Who is Jennifer?” *pauses and her face becomes red* “Oh, that b***h!”

    (The wife proceeds to slap her husband, takes the keys and drives away, leaving her husband in the store.)

    Husband: “Well, I guess I deserved that, huh?”

    Me: “Sir, you put your mistress on your account?”

    Husband: “Yeah, she likes movies…”

    Me: “You are aware that she could have opened her own account for free, right?”

    Husband: “Oh s***, really?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    So Dumb It Hurts

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Top

    (I work at a vet’s office, and am giving a woman and her three children basic grooming information for their new puppy. The conversation has already been going on for an hour.)

    Me: “… the groomers can do different ‘cuts’ or ‘styles’ for your dog, depending on how you want him to look.”

    Customer: “Will that hurt?”

    Me: “Will what hurt?”

    Customer: “Cutting him, will it hurt when you cut him?”

    Me: “No… it’s not cutting HIM, it’s just cutting his fur.”

    Customer: “Oh…¬†but will that hurt?”

    Me: “No… it’s hair.”

    Customer: “Are you sure it won’t hurt when you cut it?”

    Me: “It’s just like when you get your own hair cut. Does it hurt when you get your hair cut?”

    Customer: *looks confused*

    Me: “Okay… well no, it won’t hurt.”

    (I then go on to other aspects of grooming… clipping toe nails, cleaning the ears, etc.)

    Me: “… you can clean the puppy’s ears if they get dirty, or just whenever you give him a bath.”

    Me: *goes over the ear cleaning process*

    Customer: “Will it hurt? ”

    Me: “No… he may not like it, and may shake his head, but it shouldn’t hurt. Just make sure you don’t stick anything, like a Q-Tip, into his ear.”

    Customer: “Okay, so how do I do that?”

    Me: *goes over the ear cleaning process again*

    Me: “… and again, just whenever you give him a bath…”

    Customer: “Okay, how do I do that? ”

    Me: “Well, there are several different shampoos you can use…”

    Customer: “But how do I do that?”

    Me: “You mean… how do you actually give him a bath?”

    Customer: “Yes, how do I do that?”

    Me: “Just like you’d bathe your kids… the puppy’s small, so you can bathe him in the sink, or in the bath tub…”

    Customer: “But how do I bathe him?”

    (At this point, I look at the woman’s three children, and wonder how they’ve survived their mother.)

    Me: “Umm… you put water on him… err… you know, we have full-service grooming here, it includes a bath, we’ll do everything for you… cut his toe nails, clean his ears, trim his hair…”

    Customer: “But we don’t want to hurt him. Will a bath hurt?”

    Me: “It’s WATER!”

    That Was Random

    | Alpharetta, GA, USA |

    Me: “Good afternoon! What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a [frozen coffee drink], please.”

    Me: “Alrighty, that’s gonna run you $3.42.”

    Customer: “Alright.” *begins to dig around in her purse*

    Me: “I’m going to go ahead and get this started for you.”

    (As I start to make the drink, I turn to look at the woman and notice that she is slowly making her way behind the counter.)

    Me: “Uh, ma’am…”

    (The woman proceeds to walk behind the counter, walk to a sink, wash her hands, wipe her hands, throw the paper towel away, and then walk right back around the counter and straight out the door. As my coworkers and I attempt to figure out what just happened, we watch her walk by the drive-thru window, around the building, around the building NEXT to our store, and then back into the store. The woman then approaches the counter.)

    Customer: “So, what do I owe you?”

    Me: “Uh, $3.42, please.”

    Customer: “Sure.”

    (An incredibly awkward silence follows.)

    Customer: “So, what just happened?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “What just happened?”

    Me: “I’m really not sure, ma’am!”

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