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    Pointless Pickiness

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “What can I get you?”

    Customer: “I want coffee, but I don’t want any caffeine in it.”

    Me: “So you want decaffeinated coffee?”

    Customer: “No, I want regular coffee. I also want you to take the caffeine out of it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to buy decaf if you don’t want any caffeine.”

    Customer: “Just gimme that coffee, and make sure to take the caffeine out.”

    (She turns her back for a moment to rummage through her purse. I pour her a cup of decaf anyway.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Did you take the caffeine out?”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Too Bad They Don’t Sell Brains Too

    | Milford, CT, USA |

    (I’m shopping in the dollar store, fully clothed in my Taco Bell uniform. I even have the hat on, too.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sir, do you work here?”

    Me: “Does it LOOK like I work here?”

    Customer: “Yes?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Oh…well, do you know how much this is?”

    Me: “It’s a dollar.”

    Customer: “How did you know that if you didn’t work here?”

    Me: “Lady, do you have ANY idea where you are right now? You are in a dollar store. Do you know what that means?”

    Customer: “That’s impossible.”

    Me: “…what?”

    Customer: “This store doesn’t sell dollars.”

    (At this point I didn’t know whether I should slap her or retreat and laugh till I puked.)

    Totally Loopy, Thru-And-Thru

    , | Texas, USA |

    (My store has a drive-thru menu board before the actual board where customers order. It only has pictures on it, no electronics of any sort.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I already gave my order to the first guy and he told me to pull up to the second board.”

    Me: “That’s not possible, ma’am. There’s no one who could take your order at that first board. Can I take your order?”

    Customer: “I already told you I gave my order to the first guy. He knows it. Ask him.”

    Me: “Could you repeat it for me?”

    Customer: “NO! I’m driving up now.”

    (The customer drives up and I finally get her to repeat her order, which turns out to be a lot of food. I ask her to pull to the front door, which is literally twenty feet from the drive-thru window. Instead, she drives out of the drive-thru lane, drives around the entire store, and comes back in the drive-thru lane. She pulls up and looks at me again.)

    Customer: “I told the guy at the first board that I was parked and he told me to pull right up. I hope you are nice because the last girl was really rude to me.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer Knows Best

    | Perimeter, GA, USA | Top

    (We are running this little sale that offers the customer 20% off on regular priced item.)

    Customer: “So, can I use the sale coupon on sale items?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, the coupon is only good on regularly priced item.”

    Customer: “What about sale items?”

    Me: “It can only be used on regularly priced items.”

    Customer: “But the shoes were $109, and now they are $79.”

    Me: “We can only use it on regularly priced items.”

    Customer: “But it’s marked down!”

    Me: *losing patience, but still with a smile* “I’m sorry, but again we can only use it on regularly priced items.”

    Customer: “Well, then make my shoes regular priced and give me my 20%!”

    Me: “Sure, I’d be happy to. You grand total comes to $87.20.”

    Customer: “Finally! I swear, all you people try to do is swindle us out of buying sale items with that regular priced coupon. But I see through what you’re trying to do.”

    Me: “Yes. I’ll do everything I can to give you the best deal you want.”

    Everything But

    , | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Man: “I want to get a drink.”

    Me: “Sure. We have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

    Man: “I’ll have an orange soda.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we only have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

    Man: “I’ll take fruit punch.”

    Me: “No, we only have Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

    Man: “Pink lemonade?”

    Me: “It’s regular yellow. Is that okay?”

    Man: “No, I’ll have the raspberry tea.”

    Me: “It’s unsweetened.”

    Man: “What kind of place is this?! Is there ANYTHING to drink here?”

    Me: “YES! Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, lemonade, root beer, iced tea, shakes, or smoothies.”

    Man: “I’ll just have a cup of ice.”

    Me: “…”


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