Some Customers You Just Have To Let Slide

| Wichita, KS, USA | Top

Me: “Good afternoon, this is [cellphone store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I came in to your store today and you sold me a defective phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What is your full name and phone number so I can pull up your account?”

Customer: *gives information*

Me: “Okay, thanks. I see, you bought a [phone]. What seems to be the problem?

Customer: “The keyboard on this piece of s*** won’t come out!”

Me: “Have you tried sliding it the other way?”

*really long pause*

Customer: “Well thanks a lot, b****! Now you made me feel like a f***ing idiot!” *click*

Taking It Down To The Wire

| USA |

Customer: “My computer says I didn’t pay my internet bill and it won’t let me do anything. I just paid my bill!”

Me: “Well, lets take a look and see what is happening with this.”

Customer: “I make my living off the internet! Hurry up!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid my records show that you don’t have internet as one of your services through this company.”

Customer: “I pay a lot of money every month for this d*** service! You need to fix this and fix this now! I have been a customer of yours for years!”

Me: “Can you please read me the message that is appearing on your computer monitor?”

(Customer reads me message.)

Me: “It appears that you indeed do not have internet service through us because the message you just read included someone else’s wireless account number. Ma’am, you are using someone else’s internet service.”

Customer: “Why did you shut me off then?”

Me: “We didn’t shut you off. We shut off someone else’s account for a delinquent balance and that was the account that you were stealing internet from.”

Customer: “Well, just turn it back on then. I need my internet.”

Me: “I can turn it back on in one of two ways. One: you pay for your own internet. Two: you pay for your neighbors internet to be turned back on so you can continue using something you aren’t supposed to be.”

Customer: *hangs up*

How To Deal With Gritty Customers

| Ohio, USA |

(Our home phone number is very close to a local hardware and building supply store.)

Me: “Hello?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna order some gravel.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number. You want [correct number].”

Customer: “That’s what I called!”

Me: “No, it isn’t.  You’re trying to call [Supply Store]. This is a private residence.”

(This goes on for eight sets of hang-up and call backs, with the guy getting nastier and nastier.)

Customer: “Listen, lady.  I’m getting really tired of the run-around, so just take my d*** concrete order!”

Me: “Fine, sir. That was 8 tons? It’ll be delivered around 4pm today.”

A New Dimension of Stupidity

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Top

(I pass the customer 3D glasses for his movie.)

Customer: “So these are 3D glasses?”

Me: “Yes sir!”

Customer: *getting excited* “So, if I put them on and look at you, you’ll be in 3D?”

Me: “Sir, by definition, I’m already 3D.”

Customer: “No. I mean, if I put on 3D glasses and look at you, or anything else, will you become 3D?”

Customer’s girlfriend: “You’re dumb. Just stop talking.”

Milk That Lie Dry

| Thunder Bay, ON, Canada |

Me: “Here’s your smoothie, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, does this have milk in it? I have a violent reaction to milk! I can’t have milk.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. There’s 2% in it. I can make it with a protein powder but that may have milk products in it.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I can’t have it. Just make me a hot chocolate.”

Me: “Ma’am, to make that, I have to use milk.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I can have milk if it’s hot chocolate.”

Me: “Alrighty.”

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