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    Obviously Not An Outsider

    | Sussex, NJ, USA |

    (My flower stand is outside right next to a payphone, which starts ringing.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Hi is this [Auto Company]?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “[Auto Company]? I need someone to look at my car.”

    Me: “Sorry, this is a pay phone. I just picked it up because I heard it ringing.”

    Customer: “Are you sure you’re not in [Auto Company]?”

    Me: “Nope, I’m outside.”

    Customer: “Can you check?”

    Not Exactly The Pick Of The Litter, Part 2

    | NL, Canada |

    (One of my regulars comes to my cash with her small child. The mother is very much pregnant.)

    Me: “Oh hello, [mother] and [daughter], how are you today?”

    Customer: “We’re great!” *turns to daughter* “Tell [me] what Mommy is going to have in September!”

    Customer’s daughter: “A baby!”

    Me: “Really? What do you hope it’ll be?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “A puppy!”

    Related:
    Not Exactly The Pick Of The Litter

    If She Were Blonde It Would Be Stereo(Typing)

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “My email is not working!”

    Me: “What do you mean it’s not working?”

    Customer: “I can’t send any email. I need to send email. I have to confirm bookings and other stuff for my B&B! I need this fixed right away!”

    Me: “Okay, I was just heading out. I will drive straight over.”

    (I arrive at the customer’s B&B.)

    Customer: “I am so glad you could come so quickly. I just don’t know what to do without my email!”

    (I look at the computer, use the mouse to send myself a test email, everything works fine.)

    Customer: “No, no! Not like that! Type the email!”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    (I type and nothing happens. I reach behind the computer and plug the keyboard back in. The email starts to work again.)

    Me: “Your keyboard was unplugged.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, a wire got kicked out when I was sitting there. I guess it was an important one after all.”

    Cold But Not Calculating

    | Australia |

    (There is a deal at my store that reduces the prices on DVDs if you get five or more. A customer rings up 4 DVDs.)

    Me: “So, you know if you get another movie, it’ll cost you fifty cents less than what you have right now?”

    Customer: “What did you say to me?”

    Me: “Um, well, we have this deal…”

    Customer: “If I wanted another DVD, I would have gotten one before. And I would pay for it, too, because I believe in the system we have running here. I don’t need no filthy communist telling me how to use my money!”

    Me: “I really don’t think that’s how communism works, but okay. That’ll be eight bucks.”

    Customer: “Don’t you tell me how communism works! I fought in that war!”

    Me: “Which war?”

    Customer: “The Cold War!”

    A Revelatory Thought

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have an important question.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “You know a lot about the Bible, right?”

    Me: “Well, not everything entirely.”

    Customer: “Okay. Can you tell me what part of the Bible does Narnia come in?”

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