If It Walks Like A Duck And Quacks Like A Fish

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: “I think my dog is allergic to this food I bought here.”

Me: “That’s too bad. Would you like to exchange it for another kind?”

Customer: “It’s the fish in it. I thought fish was good for dogs.”

Me: “It is unless they are allergic to it, every dog is different. Why don’t you try this one? It has duck in it.”

Customer: “Duck? Duck is fish!”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Customer: “Well, what is it then?”

Me: “Ducks are birds.”

Customer: “But they go in the water!”

Pane-ful Marriage

| Phoenix, AZ, USA | Top

(A customer who has just made a purchase comes back into our store asking for help; she’s locked her keys in her car. I go out to try and help.)

Me: “Ma’am, your window is open.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your window. It’s open.”

(The customer reaches in and gets her keys, opens the door, rolls up the window, locks the car, throws the keys back inside, and closes the door.)

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “I know! I know! It’s just that I already called my husband to bring the second set! He’d have given me h*** if he saw the window was open!”

Customers Projections Can Leave You Reeling

| California, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Two for [movie].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that film at this theater.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have it?”

Me: “I’m not sure. The decisions on where to play the films are made by corporate.”

Customer: “But I’m here and I want to watch that movie.”

Me: “Well, I can sell you a ticket to another movie.”

Customer: “But I want to see that one! Can’t you just go get it? I’ll wait here.”

No Pranks, Just Thanks

| Eugene, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

(I am shelving DVDs in a library when a man comes in with a boy who appears to be autistic. The boy sees a movie about Thanksgiving.)

Boy: “Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving! I’m thankful… I’m thankful for… I’m thankful for my friends at school!”

Caretaker: “You’re thankful for your friends at school?”

Boy: “Yeah! Yeah and… and… what are you thankful for? Are you thankful for your friends?”

Caretaker: *no response*

Boy: “Are you thankful for me?”

Caretaker: “I’m thankful for you, kid. I’m more thankful for you than all my friends in the world.”

Boy: *smiles*

When Judgment Is Clouded

| Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Military

(We give weather forecast information for Royal Air Force aircrew officers for fast jet flying.)

Caller: “Hi this is flying officer [name] with [squadron]. I need the weather for 5 hours time on the west coast.”

Me: “So that’s the forecast pressure, wind and cloud cover?”

Caller: “No, I don’t want the forecast conditions. I want the actual weather for 5 hours ahead.”

Me: “I can only do actuals for what’s happened, but I can give my best forecast.”

Caller: “No, that’s not good enough. I don’t want forecasts. I want to know what’s going to actually happen!”

(Someone else takes the call.)

Caller 2: “Hi this is [squadron] navigator. Sorry about that. Can I get the forecast conditions for him, please?”

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