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    Bananas For Vanana

    , | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like some banana ice cream.”

    Me: “Sure thing.”

    (She pays and leaves. A moment later, she storms in, literally pushing people out of the way.)

    Customer: “This is not what I ordered!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I’ll be happy to change that for you.”

    Customer: “You better!”

    Me: “So, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Banana ice cream.”

    Me: “Banana? That’s what I served you earlier. Is that not banana?”

    Customer: “No. I said banana!”

    Me: “Yes, banana.”

    Customer:: “You taste it! It’s not banana! I said banana!

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ll be happy to give you a new bowl. Perhaps, since we mix our own ice cream, the banana taste wasn’t mixed all the way through.”

    Customer: “Listen, I said banana, not banana!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “BANANA BANANA BANANA!”

    Me: “Banana?”

    (Suddenly, her B’s turn into V’s…)

    Customer: “Vanana!”

    Me: “Oh my God. Vanilla?”

    Customer: “Yes you dumb, b****! VANANA!”

    Flattery, The Best Medicine

    | Germany |

    (An elderly lady fell down in her apartment and has a cut on her wrist.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I am afraid, we have to go to the hospital. You will need stitches for that cut and an X-Ray to make sure your wrist isn’t broken.”

    Patient: “No, I don’t wanna go. Just give me a shot and it will be okay.”

    Coworker: “You mean for the pain?”

    Patient: “No, so it will heal!”

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m afraid we don’t have this kind of medication.”

    Patient: “But it worked last time!”

    Coworker: “Someone gave you a shot and the wrist healed by itself?”

    Patient: “No, my sugar was too high and they gave me a shot and everything was okay!”

    Coworker: “I see… well I can’t fool you, you know this stuff! Listen, I can give you a shot for the broken wrist, but this counteracts the anti-sugar medicine. So everytime your sugar is too high, you can never get a shot again.”

    Patient: “Never ever?”

    Coworker: “Never ever again…”

    Patient: “So why didn’t you just say so in the first place?”

    Coworker: “Well, not every patient has such an understanding of medicine as you, so I always try to keep it simple.”

    Patient: “Okay, then let’s go to the hospital.”

    Coworker: “Gladly.”

    Something Smells Fishy

    | Orlando, FL, USA |

    (I used to work at a theme restaurant that had a huge, double arch aquarium at the entrance to the dining area. We had staff members who would clean the tanks from the inside in full scuba gear. The tanks were filled with brightly colored, tropical fish.)

    Patron: “Oooh! Is he there to paint the fish?”

    Me: “I’m… sorry?”

    Patron: “The fish. Is he in there to paint them?”

    Me: “Oh no, ma’am, the paint would wash off if we did it underwater. He takes them out to paint them.”

    Patron: “You take them out? That’s horrible? How do they breathe?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s very quick. We use an airbrush and stencils. It really only takes a few seconds. And since the paint is misted on, it dries almost instantly.”

    Patron: “Well, that’s a relief!”

    Behind Every Policy Is A Stupid Customer

    | Rockville, MD, USA |

    Customer: “I don’t want a lid.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s company policy. I have to serve your hot beverage with a lid on.”

    Customer: “This is stupid.”

    Me: “We don’t want you to burn yourself–”

    Customer: “Then I’ll just blame you.”

    Me: “… and that would be why we have the company policy.”

    Related:
    Behind Every New Sign Is Someone Stupid

    Fowl Mouthed

    | Windsor, ON, Canada |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want lunch meat.”

    Me: *grinning* “You’ve come to the right place!”

    Customer: “I don’t appreciate your attitude, you f***ing b***!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I’m paying for your brown a** to live here!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m Irish. And I’ve lived here my entire life.”

    Customer: “GIVE ME SOME F***ING TURKEY!”

    Me: “What type of turkey would you like?”

    Customer: “Plain!”

    Me: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat free? We also have a wide selection of gourmet turkeys, such as honey maple and tomato basil.”

    Customer: “My kid won’t eat that fancy s***! I just want some f***ing turkey!”

    (The store manager has been standing behind her the entire time and speaks up.)

    Manager: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat Free? She gave you the types, just f***ing pick a flavour so she can serve me so I can take my lunch!”

    Customer: “F*** THIS COUNTRY!”

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior, Part 2
    Fowl Behavior
    Fowl Play

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