Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • God Loves Little Girls Who Stand Up For Others
    (2,365 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Fowl Mouthed

    | Windsor, ON, Canada |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I want lunch meat.”

    Me: *grinning* “You’ve come to the right place!”

    Customer: “I don’t appreciate your attitude, you f***ing b***!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I’m paying for your brown a** to live here!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m Irish. And I’ve lived here my entire life.”

    Customer: “GIVE ME SOME F***ING TURKEY!”

    Me: “What type of turkey would you like?”

    Customer: “Plain!”

    Me: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat free? We also have a wide selection of gourmet turkeys, such as honey maple and tomato basil.”

    Customer: “My kid won’t eat that fancy s***! I just want some f***ing turkey!”

    (The store manager has been standing behind her the entire time and speaks up.)

    Manager: “Cooked? Smoked? Oven Roasted? Fat Free? She gave you the types, just f***ing pick a flavour so she can serve me so I can take my lunch!”

    Customer: “F*** THIS COUNTRY!”

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior, Part 2
    Fowl Behavior
    Fowl Play

    Renamed: The iPod Please Touch The Frigging Screen

    , | Toronto, Canada |

    Customer: “Hello, I just bought this iPod, and I can’t make it go.”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Customer: “It won’t go.”

    Me: “Okay, how exactly?”

    Customer: “IT WON’T GO.”

    Me: “Can I see your iPod?”

    (The customer takes out iPod Touch and shows it to me. I turn it on and open up Safari.)

    Me: “It seems to be working fine.”

    (I hand it back to her. She presses the home button multiple times.)

    Customer: “How did you do that? It’s not working.”

    Me: “Ma’am, what kind of iPod is that?”

    Customer: “iPod Touch.”

    Me: “Yeah… so try touching one of the icons on the screen.”

    (She does.)

    Customer: “OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO COOL! YOU’RE A GENIUS!”

    Me: “Yeah, well.”

    The Cutter Gets Queued

    | London, UK |

    (I work at a cookie store in a train station and am serving a customer; there are a few people waiting behind him. Suddenly, a man comes and pushes in front.)

    Customer: “Five white chocolates!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I have to finish serving these people first. Only then I will serve you.”

    Customer: “But I have to catch a train!”

    Me: “So does everybody else… this is a bloody TRAIN STATION!”

    Customer: *looks a bit scared, nods his head and goes to the back of the queue like a good boy*

    Dads: Gotta Love ‘Em

    | Massachusetts, USA | Top

    (My father owns an auto shop, where I sometimes work part time. Late one afternoon, a woman comes in.)

    Me: “May I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. I need my car inspected.”

    Me: “Well, we’re not taking any more inspections this afternoon. May I schedule you for tomorrow?”

    Customer: “No, I want my car inspected now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we take in our last inspection at 4:00 so we have time to pack up and shut down the machine.”

    Customer: “Yes, but I just bought my car from *** and they told me I could bring my car here to get inspected for free.”

    Me: “Yes, they will pay for your inspection here, but we’re closing soon. I’d be happy to schedule you an appointment for another day.”

    Customer: “No! This is an outrage! At *** they told me I could bring in my car ANY TIME to be inspected here!”

    Me: “Um… well…”

    Customer: “I want my car inspected RIGHT NOW. They told me I could have it inspected any time!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s 4:45 and we are closing in 15 minutes. We don’t have time…”

    Customer: “Where is your manager!? I want to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Um… I’m afraid he’s out test driving a car.”

    Customer: “That’s unacceptable! Is there anyone else I can talk to? I need to get my car inspected!”

    Me: “Hold on…”

    (I go out into the shop and check, but sure enough the only other person still here this late is the trainee mechanic. The woman proceeds to yell at us for about ten minutes. Eventually, my dad returns from his test drive.)

    Me: “Dad, can you help this woman?”

    Dad: “What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I brought my car here from *** for an inspection but they won’t give one to me!”

    (My dad proceeds to tell her everything I told her, smiling through all her abuse. Eventually…)

    Customer: “Fine! This is an outrage! I’m going to write a complaint letter to *** about you!”

    Dad: “Yeah, good luck with that.”

    Me: “My God.”

    Dad: “Let me give you a little advice about people like that. When somebody gets all worked up at you like that, you need to remain calm. Because the calmer you are, the angrier they get, and it’s REALLY funny.”

    Straight Into The Lion’s Den

    , | Israel |

    Customer: “Hi, can you help me?”

    Me: “Sure, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I have Windows on my computer and it’s not booting up properly anymore.”

    Me: “Did you buy the PC here?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Did you buy Windows here?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid I can’t really help you with that.”

    Customer: “Look here, you sell Windows. I downloaded and installed Windows, and it’s not working. You’re supposed to help me.”

    Me: “Let me just get it right. You’ve downloaded a copy of Windows, installed it and now it’s giving you problems.”

    Customer: “Yes, and it’s your job to help me.”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Here’s Microsoft Israel support phone number. Call them and tell them exactly what you told me.”

    Page 1,942/2,163First...1,9401,9411,9421,9431,944...Last