November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Op-tickle Fibers

| Utah, USA | Uncategorized

(I am in the middle of finishing the last download to fix a customers computer, but his internet keeps resetting.)

Me: “Sorry the download didn’t work. Your internet reset again. We will have to try it again and hopefully it will finish this time.”

Customer: “You know, if you want to speed this up, all you have to do is take the mouse, and kinda rub it over the download box.”

Me: “I’m sorry, rub it over the download box?”

Customer: “Yea you know? If you tickle the download box with the mouse it goes faster. I thought you would know that, being a Tech Support guy and all.”

Imagine If It Had Been India…

| Canada | Uncategorized

Caller: “So, where are you located?”

Me: “Canada.”

Caller: “Oh my God! I’m speaking to Canada!”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Wow, you speak English really good!”

Me: “Uh, thank you?”

Caller: *yells to husband excitedly* “Hey Bobby! I’m speaking to a foreign country!”

Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence

| Miami, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Cheeseburger and a small coke.”

Me: “Alright, your total is $2.99.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your total is $2.99, sir.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. It’s free!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I won some of your scratch off things and got a free cheeseburger and small coke!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, you should have said that sooner. Well, give me the coupons then.”

Customer: “I had to bring them?”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3

| Brisbane, Queensland, Australia | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what’s the time in the UK now?”

Me: “Its 9pm. They’re ten hours behind.”

Customer: “Oh, so if I call the UK in another half hour, what time will it be?”

Me: “It’ll be 9:30pm.”

Customer: “You mean if half an hour passes here, it will also be half an hour later there?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh! So that’s how it works?”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude

Replacing One Clause With Another

| Tampa, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m talking to a caller about warranty issues for their kitchen appliance.)

Me: “Unfortunately sir, that serial number tells me that your appliance is out of warranty. Do you happen to have a sales receipt or other proof of purchase showing it was purchased during the warranty period?”

Caller: “No, it was a gift. I just got it for Christmas.”

Me: “I am sorry to hear that sir. Is there any way you would be able to get the receipt from the person who got it for you? Or even a bank or credit card statement showing the date of purchase?”

Caller: “But it was a gift!”

Me: “I understand, sir, but without a proof of purchase, there’s nothing I can do under warranty. Are you positive you can’t check with the gift-giver and see if you can get something showing the date of purchase?”

Caller: “It was from Santa!”