Fast Food For Fast Thinkers

, | Maryland, USA | Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Top

(I am working as a cashier and two customers come in talking loudly about how dumb minimum wage fast-food workers are. One of them decides to prove it…)

Customer: “Let me ask you a question. What’s 7 times 7?”

Me: “49.”

Customer: “What’s 8 times 8?”

Me: “64.”

Customer: “E equals MC squared?”

Me: “What about it?”

Customer: “What does it mean?”

Me: “Energy equals mass times the speed of light squared.”

Customer: “Uhm…”

Me: “Would you like fries with that?”

A Sign Of A Long Day

| Mississauga, ON, Canada | Top

(Note: I am a self-checkout attendant.)

Customer: “Miss, my debit card doesn’t seem to be working.”

Me: “Are you sure you’re swiping it the right way?”

Customer: “Which way is the right way?”

Me: “Stripe facing outward.”

Customer: “Miss, it’s still not working!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but that debit machine is currently out of order.”

Customer: “I want to use this one. Why isn’t this one working?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we called tech support. If you’d like, I’d be more than happy to suspend your order and–”

Customer: “It’s your responsibility to put up signs if something isn’t working! I want to speak to your store manager.”

Me: “There’s no sign on that machine? I’m sure I put them up just a couple of minutes ago.”

Customer: “Do you SEE a sign?”

(I walk over to the machine, and see the sign laying by the customers feet on the floor. It was clearly ripped off of the machine, as it’s half torn.)

Me: “Hmm, I’m terribly sorry sir. It seems someone ripped the sign off.”

Customer: “Yeah, that was me.”

Me: “Can I ask why?”

Customer: “No, you can’t.”

Me: “Why would you use this machine is you had seen and read the sign, stating that the debit machine wasn’t working?”

Customer: “Because there was no sign!”

Me: “But you ripped the sign off.”

Customer: “Yeah, so now that it’s not there anymore the debit machine should be working! Forget this! I’m going to another store!”

Baaah-laboring The Obvious

, | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any kid’s shoes?”

Me: *thinking she’s referring to a similar-sounding brand* “Yes. They are right over here.”

Customer: “No, not these. Kid’s shoes!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The youth department is over here.”

Customer: “No, not kid’s, kid’s!”

Me: “I’m sorry, are you looking for the brand, or kid’s shoes?”

Customer: “Kid’s!”

Me: *showing her the brand* “Is this what you are looking for?”

Customer: “Yes. Do you have them in kid’s?”

Me: “No, we do not have kid’s sizes.

Customer: “I am not looking for kid’s sizes! I am looking for some to fit me!”

Me: *confused* “These are our adult shoes…the youth section is over there.”

Customer: “Do you even know what a kid is?”

Me: “No?”

Customer: “A kid is a baby goat! I am looking for shoes made out of baby goat skin!”

Your Improv Needs Improvement

, | Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at my university calling alumni for donations. The person who picks up has a normal American accent.)

Caller: “Hello?”

Me: “Hi, may I please speak with [name]?”

Caller: “Who is this?”

Me: “This is *** from [university].”

(Suddenly, the caller changes his voice to a thick, supposedly foreign accent. It’s obvious it’s the same person.)

Caller: “He not here now.”

Me: *playing along* “Oh, okay. Do you know a better time for me to reach him?”

Caller: *still using accent* “No, no. He not here! If he need to sign form, send them to his work.”

Me: “Okay. Well, thanks for taking the time to speak with me. Have a great evening!

Caller: *back to an American accent* “You too!”

Stir, Yes, Sir!

, | Rochester, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Coworker: “Thank you for choosing [fast food restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Medium! Coffee! Two! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Coffee! Two! Cream! Three! Equal!”

Coworker: “Okay, two medium coffees. Will that be all?”

Customer: “NOOO! Medium! Honey! Lemon! Tea! Three! Splendid!”

Coworker: “Okay, will there be anything else?”

Customer: “YESSS! Large! Coffee! French Vanilla! Double! Double!”

Coworker: “Is that all?”

Customer: “YESSS!”

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