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    Exorcisms Not Included

    , | Rochester, NY, USA |

    (I was a cashier at a popular toy store chain when a woman came up to the register with an opened Ouija board.)

    Customer: “I’d like to return this, please.”

    Me: “Is there anything in particular that’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “Well, no, it works. I’m returning it because it let evil spirits into my house!”

    Me: *laughs*

    Customer: “Why are you laughing? This game let spirits into my house, and I demand a refund!”

    Me: “Uh, oh, alright then.” *I process the return*

    Customer, on the way out: “You really shouldn’t be selling satanic toys like this. What if a demon had come through and possessed one of my children?”

    Me: “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll definitely pass that on to management.”

    When Not In Rome…

    , | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    (A customer came in looking for a specific FM transmitter. I pointed him in the right direction and he came back five minutes later with the device in hand.)

    Me: “Found it alright?”

    Customer: “Yup. I came, I saw, I conquered.”

    Me: “Veni, vidi, vici?”

    Customer: “What the h*** did you just call me?!”

    Fowl Play

    , | New Orleans, LA, USA | Top

    (A customer comes in to return a powerhorn. We’re often wary of these returns, as customers often put them under their car to increase their radio’s volume and blow them out within a day.)

    Customer: “I don’t need this. I didn’t open it.”

    Coworker: “Okay, let me take a look at it…”

    (The packaging HAS been opened, but it still might not be a big deal. However, my coworker finds a chicken bone in the box.)

    Coworker: “Ma’am, I think you left something in here.”

    Customer: “Oh! That’s my lunch!”

    Coworker: “You said you didn’t open it?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Coworker: “But there’s a chicken bone in the box. And the wiring has been cut. And the unit is cracked.”

    Customer: “It CAME like that.”

    Coworker: “With a chicken bone in the box?!”

    Customer: “YEAH!”

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior

    The Infomercials Must Love You

    | Bay Area, CA, USA |

    (A customer comes up to the register with her sandwich purchase, which had sun-dried tomatoes on it.)

    Customer: “Do you make the sun-dried tomatoes here?”

    Me, jokingly: “Yes, we have several lawn chairs in back. We cut the tomatoes into little strips and leave them out there for a week or two. ”

    Customer: “Really?!”

    Me: “No, I was just kidding. We get them from a distributor. ”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not nice of you at all! When I was growing up I was always taught to believe things I was told by salespeople!”

    And The Angels Sang

    | Sandy, OR, USA |

    Me, on overhead: “Good evening shoppers, the time is now 11 PM and your shopping center is now closed for the evening. Please bring all final purchases to the lit registers and thank you for shopping with us. Good night.”

    (5 minutes later…)

    Customer: “Can I still check out?”

    Cashier next to me: “Yes, come on in.”

    Customer: “I need to check some prices on a few items, can you do that for me?”

    Cashier: “I think everyone in that department has gone home, but I can check for you.”

    (10 minutes later…)

    Cashier: “That will be $174.34, please.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have enough money. Can I write you an IOU? I shop here all the time.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, we can’t take IOU’s.”

    Customer: “Then can you hold this until the morning, and I can come back?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, we can’t hold things overnight. Our policy states we can’t do that.”

    Customer: “So what… you’re trying to kick me out of the store?!”

    Cashier: “No, ma’am. If you’d like to take a few things off to afford your purchase, I’d be more than happy to check you out.”

    Customer: “FINE! I’m done!” *storms out of the store*

    Me, on overhead: “Hallelujah! Hallelujah!”

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