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    Stupidity Makes A Good Case

    | Online | Technology, Uncategorized

    Customer: “I received an cell phone case in the mail today. You sent the wrong item.”

    Me: “It looks like you ordered a neon green silicone case for 50 cents and shipping was $2.00. What did you receive?”

    Customer: “A bright green phone case.”

    Me: “What is the problem with it?”

    Customer: “So the $2.50 wasn’t for a phone?”

    A Rude Retorte

    Alabama, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I am a cake decorator in a bakery. I am closing up the department when the phone rings.)

    Me: “This is the bakery, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes! Oh my god, please tell me you have the cake kit!”

    Me: “Yes we do have the kit.”

    Customer: “Finally! I’ve looked everywhere for it and you’re the only place that has it! Okay I need to order a cake.”

    Me: “Alright, when you were going to need it?”

    Customer: “In about thirty minutes.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I would not be able to do that.”

    Customer: “What? Why the h*** not?”

    Me: “The bakery closes at 6:00 pm on Sundays and I’ve already clocked out for the day. I can place the order for tomorrow afternoon, though.”

    Customer: “No! No! I need it now! It’s my son’s birthday today and I need a cake! I forgot to order the cake!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s nothing I can do.”

    Customer: “You can make my son’s g**d*** cake is what you can do!”

    Me: “I’m sorry. You can come and choose one from our case and I could write something on it for you.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want those cakes! That’s great! Just great! I hope you’re happy; you just ruined my baby’s first birthday!” *hangs up*

    May Contain Traces Of Messiah

    | Davie, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Religion, Uncategorized

    Me: “Welcome to [Smoothie Store]! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Good morning to you! I need the large blueberry please.”

    Me: “Alright sir, Ill get those started for you. What kind of free boost would you like in your smoothies?”

    Customer: “You know what my favorite and the best boost of all is?”

    Me: “No sir, I don’t. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Jesus.”

    Me: “Oh, haha. You would like a Jesus boost?”

    Customer: “Why yes, I like to boost my day with Jesus everyday! mAre you filled with the light, have you accepted Christ into your life?”

    Me: “Yes sir, I have. So what boost would you like in your smoothie?”

    Customer: “I told you already.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, looks like were fresh out of Jesus today.”

    Customer: “Oh that’s too bad. I’ll just have the whey protein, then.”

    Taxing Faxing, Part 5

    | Fond du Lac, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can you make a copy of my fax papers?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “Okay, now fax them.”

    (I go over to the fax machine and send them; I come back with the papers.)

    Customer: “I thought you were going to fax my papers?”

    Me: “I just did.”

    Customer: “Then why are the papers in your hands still?”

    Me: “What are you talking about?”

    Customer: “When you fax something, it sends the papers to them instantly doesn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, because it scans them and sends it.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it sent the papers instantly to the number.”

    Me: “Phone lines can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Well I guess I didn’t need the copies then. Do I still have to pay for them if I give them back to you to get rid of?”

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 4
    Taxing Faxing, Part 3
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing

    Do As I Say, Not As I Play

    | Wilmington, NC, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    (A little girl approaches me by herself.)

    Little Girl: “The game I was playing didn’t give me all of my tickets.”

    Me: “Do you know what the game was called?”

    Little Girl: “Uhh…no.”

    Me: “Well, if you could just go find out the name of the game and come back and tell me, I can send someone over there to help you.”

    (She walks back into the arcade. Thirty seconds later, a very angry looking man walks up to my counter.)

    Customer: “Why the h*** would you send her back there by herself? She’s only 8 years old!”

    Me: “Well, she came up here unsupervised.”

    Customer: “I was playing a game! I couldn’t stop in the middle of my game!”

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