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    Never Piss Off A Man With A Meat Cleaver

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Top

    (It was 5:45 pm on Christmas Eve, and the grocery store I worked at closed at 6 pm.)

    Customer: ¬†”Why don’t you have any big frozen turkeys? ¬†I need a 20 pound frozen turkey!”

    Me: ¬†”Sir, we only have what’s left in the counter.”

    Customer: ¬†”Go look in the back! ¬†I know you have some hiding back there.”

    Me: ¬†”Um, sir, I put all the turkeys out already. ¬†What’s out is all we have.”

    Customer: ¬†”LISTEN! ¬†I NEED A G**D*** 20 POUND TURKEY!¬†GET IN THE BACK AND FIND ME ONE!”

    Me: ¬†”There are no more turkeys in the back…”

    Customer: ¬†”I’ll just go look myself!”

    (The customer proceeds to march through the “Staff Only” doors and is met by one of the butchers who stands 6′ 5″.)

    Customer: ¬†”GET ME A G**D*** TURKEY!”

    Big Butcher: ¬†”GET THE H*** OUT OF MY STORE!”

    And Here, We See The Customer In His Native Habitat

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I was quietly working down my aisle when a disgruntled man stops at the end and looks at me.)

    Me: *resumes working as he is making no advances*

    Man: “Awwharhaghhsss!”

    Me: *looks up*

    Man: “TOMATO SAUCE!” *angry look*

    Me: “Uhhhh…”

    Man: *furious look*

    Me: “… aisle 10!”

    It’s For A Really Long Game Of Musical Chairs

    | Florida, USA |

    Man: “Hey! You guys are giving away 100 free tickets to the Friday show, right?”

    Me: “Yep! We have 24 left, and each customer can take up to four. How many do you need?”

    Man: “Awesome! Can I have the rest?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. The limit is four per customer.”

    Man: “But they’re free… what do you care?”

    Me: “I care that the line of people behind you get some as well. Would you like four tickets?”

    Man: “Give me the rest! You don’t understand, I NEED them!”

    Me: “Sir, the limit is four. I’m sorry.”

    Man: “I want the rest! You have to give them to me! I’m a paying customer and I deserve it!”

    Me: “The tickets are free, sir… and you can have four of them. Would you like four FREE tickets?”

    Man: “I need the rest of them! Everyone in my party needs to have one!”

    Me: “Well, I can offer you four tickets for free and a discount if you wish to buy more. How many people are in your party?”

    Man: “It’s just me and my wife.”

    Me: “…”

    Picking The Wrong Employee To Mess With

    | St. Paul, MN, USA |

    (I had a severe headache from having been locked in the store overnight while the floor was being stripped. The store opened on time and the manager arrived in street clothes to help move displays back to the tile.)

    Old Lady: “Do you want to look in my shopping bag?

    Me: “No, ma’am, you’re fine.”

    Old Lady: “LOOK IN MY BAG!”

    Me: “I don’t need to.”

    (The old lady comes over, opens it, and shoves it in my face.)

    Me: “Okay, then…”

    (I peeked in the bag and saw her groceries from another store.)

    Old Lady: “What the h*** do you think you are doing? I’m not a thief! Where do you get off doing something like that! Just because I am old doesn’t make me a thief!”

    Me: “What? Where do you get off coming in here and raising your voice at me?”

    Store Manager: *quiet*

    Old Lady: “There was no reason to look in my bag!”

    Me: “I don’t know what your problem is, but you are going to take it with you and leave this store right now!”

    Store Manager: *still quiet*

    Old Lady: “You had no right to look in my bag!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you demanded I look in that bag. Even the store manager heard you do it. I’m in no mood for your paranoid games. If you ever come back in here and treat any of my employees the way you have just treated me, I’ll escort you through that door so fast you’ll get whiplash.”

    Old Lady: *huffs out*

    Store Manager: “A little tired, are we buddy?”

    Dora The Exploder

    | Connecticut, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like one of those balloons. The Dora one, please?”

    Me: “Sure thing!”

    Customer: “What do you fill those with? Propane?”

    Me: “(!?) Uh, no. Helium.”

    Customer: “Is it going to explode in my car?”

    Me: “No, it shouldn’t…”

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