Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • Thanks For Clearing That Up

    | Taylor, MI, USA |

    (I notice a female customer shoving a few acne treatments into her purse.)

    Me: “Excuse me, miss; you’re going to have to pay for those.”

    Customer: “For what?”

    Me: “For the treatments you just shoved into your purse.”

    Customer: *sounding offended* “I did no such thing!”

    Me: “Fine. Will you please show me there aren’t any stolen items in your bag?”

    Customer: “No! You’re only doing this because I’m ugly!”

    Me: “…what?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe an ugly person can’t go out into public anymore without be accused of stealing!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I’m never coming here again! *storms out, setting off the alarm and alerting security*

    Co-worker: “Maybe we should have just let her have them.”

    You Just Had To Ask

    | Harrisburg, PA, USA |

    (I work at the customer service desk at a grocery store. One day I had a guy come up and cash a winning lottery ticket for a dollar, and this is what then took place.)

    Me: “There you go. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, uh…I’ve got some dishes to be done, some windows to be washed, and a lawn to be mowed.”

    Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Ha ha, yeah….”

    Customer: *blank stare* “Well…are you gonna help me?”

    Me: still thinking he’s joking* “Ha, well, until **** opens up an At-Home division, I guess I can’t help you out.”

    Customer: “So you’re not gonna help me?”

    Me: *realizing he’s serious* “Well…no, sir. I can’t just leave and go home with you to do chores.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be offering to do something if you don’t plan on going through with it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but-”

    Customer: *interrupting* “Next time, don’t offer if you’re not gonna do it!” *storms off*

    Redemption Is Futile

    | Novi, MI, USA |

    Customer: “I want money for this.” *holding up a gift certificate*

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but we can’t give you money back for that.”

    Customer: “But someone gave YOU money for this; I want MONEY for it.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. Our store is closing. I can talk to Corporate and see if they can do something for you, but it’s Sunday and they’re not open today.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! This is horrible customer service. I’m never shopping here again!”

    Me: “It doesn’t matter. We’re closing.”

    The Root Of The Problem

    , | Colorado Springs, CO, USA |

    Customer: “Hey there! Do you guys have any bamboo wood flooring?”

    Customer’s Wife: “Not fake bamboo. Real bamboo.”

    Me: “Not in stock, but we can easily special order some for you. Might I ask why you specifically need bamboo?”

    Customer: “Well, you see, we had our basement finished a few years ago with oak floors, but since then it has flooded several times. We keep having to tear up the floor and put down new stuff.”

    Customer’s Wife: “It’s very annoying.”

    Customer: “Very. So we figured that if we had bamboo floors it would be able to soak up the water easily, or be reusable or something like that.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Do you know if bamboo can do that?”

    Me: “Um…I’ve never thought much about it, but I think the bigger concern here is whatever’s causing your basement to consistently flood.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Something with the window wells. I just figured this would be a quick fix.”

    Me: “Sir, you’re in the completely wrong department.”

    Santa Goes Psycho

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (I am stocking Christmas ribbon with a coworker.)

    Customer: “You two ladies look like you can help me.”

    Me: “Sure, what do you want to know?”

    Customer: “I’m looking for a tree.”

    Me: “Ok, the trees are in the back of the store under the ‘Seasonal’ sign.”

    Customer: “No, no. Let me finish. I want a tree; it’s circular, but it’s a tree, and it’s a circle, but it’s only a half-circle, but it’s a tree. Oh! And you hang it on your window, and it’s a tree, and a circle.”

    Me & Coworker: “…”

    Customer: “IT’S A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW, BUT IT’S ONLY A HALF-CIRCLE, BUT IT’S A CIRCULAR TREE!!

    Me: “Uh…a wreath?”

    Customer: “NO, NO, WHAT THE F***?! IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A HALF-CIRCLE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS?!”

    Me: “No…sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Well, is there someone else in here that can help me?”

    Coworker: “There are other people here, but with that description I doubt anyone will be able to help you.”

    Customer: “OH, WHAT THE F***?!”

    (Customer storms off, but a moment later comes back.)

    Customer: “Oh, by the way, do you sell Jello here?”

    Me: “Um, no. We’re a craft store, not a grocery store.”

    Customer: “Well, people use Jello for crafts.”

    Me: “Uh, sorry.”

    Customer: “SERIOUSLY! THEY HIRE F***ING IDIOTS HERE!” *storms off…again*

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