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    | Kennewick, WA, USA |

    Customer: “How much is a large popcorn and large drink?”

    Me: “That would come to $11.50.”

    Customer: “S***! That’s f***ing highway robbery, man! How do you sleep at night?”

    Me: “Sir, I work on my feet for 8-hour shifts at minimum wage. I don’t even buy concessions at the movies because they’re so freaking expensive and they don’t pay me enough here to turn around and spend my paycheck back on them.”

    Customer: “Good point. I’ll have a medium popcorn and medium soda, please.”

    Me: “Would you like to up-size those to larges for just 50 cents each?”

    Blue Haired Drug Pushers

    , | Boston, MA, USA |

    (One evening, an elderly irish woman, complete with white hair, a cane, and a heavy accent, comes up to the photo counter to pick up some pictures she dropped off earlier.)

    Customer: “I would like to have a discount on these photos I just printed. Can you give me 5 of the 20 for free?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we really can’t do that.”

    Customer: “I’ll give you some perks.”

    Me: “Perks?”

    Customer: “Percs. You know… percs.”

    (Customer reaches out to shake my hand and places 3 pills in it.)

    Customer: “Those are good percs, I know you’ll like them!”

    Talking S*** Behind Someone’s Back 101

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I need to buy something for my 12 year old niece. I’d like a classic.”

    (I show her the classics.)

    Customer: “Oh! The Little Princess! What’s this about?”

    (I tell her the story.)

    Customer: “Sounds good…” *turns to her daughter* “So honey, we’re buying this for Monica, because she’s a spoiled brat, her parents treat her like a princess, and we want her to learn what it’s like to have nothing! Doesn’t that sound good?”

    The Customer Is Sometimes Right

    | Savannah, GA, USA |

    Customer: “You don’t have any candy apples?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we only make them on Fridays and they usually sell out before the weekend is over.”

    Customer: “Oh. Do you get that question a lot?”

    Me: “… yes.”

    Customer: “I bet you get sick of it, don’t you? I bet you’re thinking, ‘B***, you see candy apples?’”

    Me: *laughs*

    (Sometimes, the customer is right!)

    Ironically, She’s Applying For A Customer Service Position

    | Yukon, Canada |

    (I work in an employment office where we help people with their resumes. We often send/receive resumes as needed.)

    Caller: “Hi, my name is ***. Can you get my resume faxed for me?”

    Me: “Where would you like it faxed?”

    Caller: “It’s in Drayton Valley, Alberta.”

    Me: “Okay, so where in Drayton Valley would you like it sent?”

    Caller: “No, no, I need it sent to me HERE. It’s IN Drayton Valley. Someone there has it.”

    Me: “Who has it there?”

    Caller: “I dunno! Pam… something! She wrote it for me, and I need it! Phone Drayton Valley and get it for me!”

    Me: “Miss, Drayton Valley is a TOWN in Alberta. I need the name and number of whatever business or person in that town that has your resume, before I can have it sent here for you.”

    Caller: “I know that! Just phone around there! It’s a small town, someone will have it!”

    Me: “I can’t exactly go phoning random companies in a town asking if they have your resume.”

    Caller: “Well, it’s a small town like here! Someone will have it! Call someone named Pam… something.”

    Me: “Okay, look. I either need a company or persons name and their phone number to contact them to ask for it, or I can’t get your resume.”

    Caller: “Ugh! But I left my papers at home! Can’t you just phone around?”

    Me: “No, sorry.”

    Caller: “FINE. I’ll have to FIND my papers MYSELF with the number. You’re supposed to be able to get my resume FOR me.”

    Me: “Only if I know who to talk to…”

    Caller: “Whatever!” *click*

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