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    Not-A-Brainer Might Have Been More Apt

    | Auckland, New Zealand | Uncategorized

    Me: “We do have seats available on that flight, but if you were willing to leave an hour later the fare would be $200 less. Would that work for you?”

    Elderly Customer: “That’s not a brainer!”

    Me: *laughing*

    Elderly Customer: “That’s what the kids say, ‘not a brainer’. I’m going to use it on my grandson to show I’m hip with the kids.”

    Me: “I think ‘that’s a no-brainer’ might be more usual.”

    Elderly Customer: “You know what else the kids say? Go f*** yourself!”

    A Model Perspective

    | Devon, UK | Uncategorized

    (A customer is visiting South Devon where there are a lot of tourist attractions including a very popular model village. He has just been on a tour and is now looking out over the town from a hillside.)

    Customer: “You have a good view here. Is that the Model Village over there?”

    Me: “No, sir. That is an example of perspective.”

    Little Nuggets Of Interest

    | Dublin, Ireland | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, History

    (I am providing a tour through Ireland and explaining its history.)

    Me: “…and then the Danish Vikings and the Norse Vikings got together, and created the most fantastic thing in the world. Does anyone know what that is?”

    Young passenger: “Chicken nuggets!”

    Me: “I was going to say red hair, but that answer just blows mine out of the water!”

    Business Daze

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (The customer has a covered hardware issue. It’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.)

    Me: “I’m going to request that a replacement device be sent to you, free of charge. You should receive your replacement in 2 business days.”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t have to wait 2 business days! You need to make it arrive Friday!”

    Me: “I understand your frustration sir, but tomorrow is Wednesday and the second business day is Friday. Thursday is the holiday.”

    Customer: “You make it get here Friday!”

    Me: “Sir, Wednesday is one business day. Friday is two business days. You will have your replacement on Friday.”

    Customer: “Put your supervisor on!”

    Supervisor: *after greeting the customer and looking at the details for the replacement* “What can I do for you sir?”

    Customer: “That girl’s trying to teach me how to count!”

    The Conversation Has Taken A Sudden Dive

    | Chesapeake, VA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am answering basic questions for a potential skydiving customer.)

    Customer: “How long is the free-fall part?”

    Me: “About 30-40 seconds.”

    Customer: “30 seconds!? I thought it was like five minutes? That’s how it is in the movies!”

    Me: “But that’s in movies. Actual skydives average about a 30 to 40 second free-fall.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because that’s how long it takes to fall from the highest altitude that you can safely jump from.”

    Customer: “If I’m going to pay $250 to jump, I want to fall for five minutes.”

    Me: “Might I point out that it doesn’t even take objects in space five minutes to fall to earth? You could be in orbit and not get a five minute free-fall.”

    Customer: “So if I call around, no one will be able to give me 5 minutes?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Is there anyway you guys could fly the plane higher so I’d fall for five minutes?”

    Me: “No ma’am, we cannot do that. Besides the fact that it is physically impossible, you would die. If you’re still hung up on this five-minute thing, call NASA and tell it to them.”

    Customer: “Oh, so they do that?”

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