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    May We Suggest The Decaf

    | Portland, OR, USA | Uncategorized

    Coworker: “Hi there, what can we get you today?”

    Customer: “I want a mocha with THIS much coffee in it.”

    Coworker: “Alright, so about two inches of brewed coffee as well as the espresso and all the other stuff?”

    Customer: “What is it with you people? How come every time I go here, you have to ask me a million questions? Are you all stupid? All I want is a mocha with coffee!”

    Me: “We just want to make sure we make your drink the way you want it.”

    Customer: “So what? I don’t care! I’m not answering anymore questions! Just make me my drink!”

    Me: “Okay, so I’m just going to put coffee in the cup with–”

    Customer: “No! No, no, no, not coffee! Mocha! MOCHA! Mocha with THIS much coffee!”

    Me: “So, no coffee. Do you just want a mocha with two inches of espresso then? It usually only comes with–”

    Customer: “You’ve got to be kidding me! You are all idiots! Let me tell you step by step how to do it. First, walk over to that machine over there and put that brown stuff, COFFEE, into the cup to THIS line and then add the shot…and chocolate…and milk!”

    Me: “So you do want brewed coffee in it?”

    Customer: “JUST DO IT!”

    Customer Is No Shrimping Violet

    | Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

    Customer: “My shrimp is cold.”

    Me: “Okay, sorry about that ma’am. I’ll bring it to the kitchen and they’ll make you a new serving right away.”

    Customer: “Fine, but feel this shrimp. Feel how cold it is.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s unnecessary. I believe that it’s cold. Just let me take the plate away for you so I can get you a new serving.”

    Customer: “Feel my shrimp!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not going to touch your shrimp.”

    Customer: “Feel my shrimp or I’m leaving!”

    (Bra)ce Yourself

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A very elderly female customer walks up to the register and hands over an empty hanger.)

    Me: “Excuse me ma’am, but what exactly was on this empty hanger?”

    Customer: “This!” *very elderly customer lifts up shirt to reveal bra*

    Me: “Oh…oh God.”

    If You Can’t Bear Them, Join Them

    | Coral Springs, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I like that little teddy bear with the sweater. How much is it?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the teddy bear comes with this gift set of fragrance and body wash. It’s $30.”

    Customer: “No. Just the bear.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I have no way to just ring up the bear as it comes with the gift set only.”

    Customer: “Then how do I get the bear?”

    Me: “Well, you would have to buy this gift set. It’s a very popular and only $30.”

    Customer: “No, thank you. I’ll just take the bear today. How much?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do have a good deal for the holidays. I can sell you the bear, for only $30, and not only that, but I will throw in this fragrance gift set, just for you.”

    Customer: “Thank you so very much, dear!”

    Fowl Behavior, Part 3

    , | Kelmscott, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, sir, can I take your order?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah…can I have two whole roast chickens?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are all out at the moment. If you come back in 30 minutes, there will be some chickens available”

    Customer: “But what about those chickens over there?” *points at plastic display chickens*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but those are display chickens. They are not real.”

    Customer: *raises voice* “I reckon those chickens are real and you’re just trying to keep them for yourself!”

    (The customer stabs the chicken with a plastic knife from our tray. A chunk of polystyrene is taken out.)

    Customer: “Oh, I guess you were telling the truth. I’ll come back in half an hour.”

    Fowl Behavior, Part 2
    Fowl Behavior
    Fowl Play

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