July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Suffering For Art

| Laguna Beach, CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(There are giant "No Photography" signs posted on all doors and all over the gallery. A gallery patron pulls out her camera and starts photographing artwork.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

Patron: “Oh, sorry. Why can’t I take pictures?”

Me: “These are copyrighted images and if we let everyone take pictures, they would have no reason to purchase the art.”

(The patron shrugs, pulls out her cell phone, and walks around the gallery. She holds it up in the air while taking pictures of the wall art.)

Me: “Excuse me, but like I said before, we do not allow photography in the gallery.”

Patron: “I wasn’t taking pictures, I was talking on the phone!”

Me: “Ma’am, you were holding it over your head, and you weren’t even talking.”

Patron: “Well, it’s none of your business how I talk on my phone. Besides, I don’t think any of them were in focus.”

In A Stupid Mood

| Corolla, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(At the checkout line, a customer and her grand daughter have placed mood rings all over their fingers.)

Customer: “Isn’t it amazing how they know exactly what type of mood you’re in?”

Me: “Would you to add any mood rings?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, it will be [price].”

Customer: *pays*

Me: “Your change is [change]”

(I hand the customer one of the new five dollar bills.)

Customer: “I think this bill is counterfeit.”

Me: “I assure you, it’s not ma’am.”

Customer: “Sure it is, it’s colored.”

Me: “It’s actually a mood five. It changes according to your mood.”

Customer: “The things they do with technology!”

Marriage Bed(ding)

| Ontario, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(A male customer comes up to the return desk holding a bagged bedding set.)

Me: “Hi sir, would you like to return that?”

Man: “Yes please.”

Me: “May I ask why?”

Man: “Um…my wife told me to?”

Me: “Good enough for me!”

Fair Trade Waylaid

| United Kingdom | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, where is the tea?”

Me: “Right this way.”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade? It’s more expensive!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you are missing the point.”

Customer: “It’s more expensive! That isn’t very fair to me!”

Caught Red Carded

| New Zealand | Liars & Scammers, Money, Uncategorized

(A customer comes in to get replacement debit card. Lost cards attract a replacement fee, but for stolen cards the fee is waived.)

Customer: “I need to cancel my debit card and get a new one.”

Me: “No problem. Was it lost or stolen?”

Customer: *looks a bit confused* “I’ve only just noticed it’s missing. Does it make a difference?”

(I explain about replacement card fee.)

Customer: “Yeah, it think it must have been stolen when I left my wallet in the car earlier.”

Me: “No problem. Do you happen to have any ID on you?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(The customer pulls out an old, tattered wallet that also clearly contains a reasonable amount of cash and gets a drivers license
out.)

Me: “Thanks. You were pretty lucky.”

Customer: “How come?”

Me: “Lucky they only stole your debit card from your wallet.”

Customer: *suddenly looking guilty* “Yeah.”

*pause*

Customer: “So I’m going to charge the Replacement Card Fee?”

Me:“Yeah.”

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