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    Tooth Isn’t The Only Thing Chipped

    | Lethbridge, AB, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I was in a few days ago, and something I ate chipped my tooth. I called and your boss said you would reimburse me.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s not our policy to offer cash reimbursement without the manager present. However, if you leave your information I will pass it along to the owners and we’ll see what we can do.”

    Customer: “Oh.” *stands there staring at me for a minute*

    Me: “Is there something else I could help you with?”

    Customer: “Are you going to give me the money?”

    Me: “No, sorry, like I said, that’s not within our policy.”

    Customer: “Oh, ok.”

    (I leave to refill another customers beverage. The customer robs my float container from the drawer through some sneaky maneuvering.)

    Me: *catching the customer at the door* “I’m going to need to take that back from you.”

    Customer: *reluctantly hands the float container back to me, looking forlorn* “But….but….it’s for ME!”

    Gluten-Free Is Not A Cure For Gluttony

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I work in a bakery where all the products are gluten free.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, what are these things that look like chocolate chip cookies?”

    Me: “They’re chocolate chip cookies, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. And what are these things that look like éclairs?”

    Me: “They’re éclairs.”

    Customer: “And these things that look like fruit tarts?”

    Me: “They’re fruit tarts.”

    *pause*

    Customer: “So what the h*** does ‘gluten-free’ mean?”

    Wave Of The Future

    | Perth, Australia | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, your order comes to $***.”

    Customer: “Is it okay if I pay on my credit card even though it’s under $10?”

    Me: “Sure. May I please have your card?”

    Customer: “Oh, do I actually have to swipe it? Your machines inside don’t need swiping. I just wave my card in my purse and it works.”

    Me: “None of our machines do that, sorry.”

    Customer: “I just hold up my purse and wave it around and it works!” *she begins waving purse, at least half a metre from the Eftpos machine*

    Me: “No, ma’am. It won’t, I’m afraid.”

    Customer: “Oh alright, here’s my card. You really should fix your machines, you know!”

    At Least It’s Hands-Free Now

    | Oslo, Norway | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    Caller: “My phone isn’t working.”

    Me: “No problem. I can help you with that.”

    Caller: “Good. I hate these things.”

    Me: “Sir, can you locate the power button on the top of your mobile, hold it in for 10 seconds, and then release?”

    (The customer is quiet, and then I hear a crash.)

    Me: “What happened?”

    Caller: “I did what you told me to do. Hold the button for 10 seconds and then release the phone.”

    Me: “No, I meant release the button, not the whole phone.”

    Caller: “Well, if it wasn’t broken earlier, it sure is now!”

    Like Two Beans In A Pod

    | Bellevue, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [coffee shop], how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi, is this the one on Main Street in downtown?”

    Me: “We’re actually part of a shopping center that is on the corner of Main Street but we’re several miles from downtown.”

    Caller: “Oh, well what’s the one on Main Street?”

    Me: “I don’t believe there is a [coffee shop] on Main Street downtown, Ma’am.”

    Caller: “Yes, yes there is, I know there’s one on Main Street! How do I get there?”

    Me: “There is a [other leading coffee chain] on Main Street downtown. Is that what you mean?”

    Caller: “Yes! Can you call them for me? What’s their address?”

    Me: “I don’t know, Ma’am. We’re separate companies.”

    Caller: “But you both serve coffee! Doesn’t that make you the same?”

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