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    Baptism On A Budget

    | Michigan, USA |

    Customer: “I need some help with the animal watering troughs.”

    Me: “Sure, they are outside. Let’s go look at them.”

    (Outside…)

    Customer: “Can I see if I fit in it?”

    Me: “Um, ok.”

    (The customer climbs in.)

    Customer to companion: “Ok, now you get in too, see if we will both fit.”

    (The customer’s companion climbs in.)

    Customer: “Ok, this will work, but do you have any nicer looking ones, without dents? We are using it for a baptismal font.”

    More Like The Gas Beneath My Pants

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, ¬†*** Music. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you had the sheet music for ‘Hero’.”

    Me: “Mariah Carey?”

    Customer: “No! Bette Midler!”

    Me: “Oh! ‘Wind Beneath My Wings!’ Sure, ¬†we’ve got it!”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “The song is called ‘Wind Beneath My Wings.’ It’s one of the most popular vocal arrangements on the market.”

    Customer: “No, it’s that one about her hero.”

    Me:¬†”Yeah…” *sings* “… did you ever know that you’re my hero?¬†You’re everything I wish I could be…¬†I can fly higher than an eagle… and you are the WIND BENEATH MY WINGS.”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s the one!” *sings* “‘Did you ever know that you’re my HERO!’¬†Can you hold a copy for me?”

    Me, giving up: “Of course…”

    (Later on…)

    Coworker 1: “So, who was on the phone?”

    Coworker 2: “… and why are they the wind beneath your wings?”

    One Last Parting Shot, Part 3

    | Estonia |

    (An couple of US tourists come into our library and use the public computers for the Internet. When they start leaving, they come to me again and give me 2 Estonian Crowns.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t take this.”

    Customer: “What do you mean you can’t take this?! I got it from the bank just down the street. I know it’s not fake. And it says in the rules that it costs 2.”

    Me: “No, I mean–”

    (He cuts me off and starts ranting on how he never wanted to come to Europe anyway and how everything is better in the States. His wife and I manage to calm him down after a few minutes of loud ranting.)

    Me:“Sir, I can’t take your money because just using the computer is free. Only printing costs 2 Crowns.”

    Customer: “Oh. I thought… I mean, I always have to pay in… well… America is still better than Europe!” *hurries out with his wife*

    Related:
    One Last Parting Shot, Part 2
    One Last Parting Shot

    Not Quite The Car’s Meow

    | Bakersfield, CA, USA |

    (I work for an online traffic school and for some of the counties, we need them to put answers to security questions.

    Me: “Hi, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hey, it says that I missed a security question and that I need to call this number to continue.”

    Me: “Okay, what question did you miss?”

    Caller: “I missed what is my favorite animal.”

    (I get his personal information and look up his answer.)

    Me: “Sir, the answer we have here says ‘Pussy’. You are aware that this is also the same answer you have for… your favorite food?”

    Caller: *click*

    The Logic Is Weak In This One

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    (A man comes out of the fitting room with a pair of pants and talks to my coworker.)

    Customer: “So… it says here on the hanger, that it’s size 34. The tag says 34, and this other tag says 34. But there’s no freaking way I can fit into these! So what does that mean?

    Coworker: “Well, I guess that means you’re not a size 34…”

    Customer: “Oh. Thanks.”

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