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    Those Foreigners And Their Funny Continents

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I’m visiting a friend of mine at work when this exchange occurs.)

    Customer: *notes my friend’s nametag* “Matt-ie-oh… what a neat name, where’s it from?”

    Friend: “It’s pronounced mah-tay-oh, actually. It’s Spanish.”

    Customer: “Oh, really? You don’t look Mexican.”

    Friend: “I’m not, I’m Spanish.”

    Customer: “Well, what’s the difference?”

    Friend: “The Atlantic Ocean?”

    Comprehension Hazy, Try Again

    | Norfolk, UK |

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes. Where it says ‘frame includes single-vision lenses’, does that mean I can’t have trifocals?”

    Me: “No, it just means that the cost of the frame includes the price of single-vision lenses. If you wanted trifocals we would charge you the upgrade price to have them. They start at ¬£49 on top of the frame.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “The difference between single-vision or trifocals?”

    Me: Oh, well, trifocals give you three different magnifications, into distance, intermediate and reading. Single-vision will only give you one of those.”

    Customer: “Why can’t I have a single-vision lens that does all of those?”

    Me: *checking her prescription* “…because your eyes need different levels of magnification to see each one clearly.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “When you are over forty, your eyes start to become lazy and have trouble focusing on close-up things, as well as things that are far away.”

    Customer: “I’m not lazy just because I’m over forty! Let me speak to your manager! I have never been so insulted!”

    If At First You Don’t Survive…

    | Cleveland, OH, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you guys offer swimming lessons there?”

    Me: “Yes we do; our next session starts in 2 weeks.”

    Caller: “Do they teach you how to swim in those classes?”

    Me: “Um, yes… they’re swimming lessons.”

    Caller: “Okay, because I drowned last time I tried to take them.”

    Me: “…I’m sorry.”

    They Start So Young

    | San Jose, CA, USA |

    (A girl of about 8 years old is staring longingly at the display of stickers we have by the cash register.)

    Girl: “I’d love to have some of these stickers, but I don’t have any money.” *sighs loudly*

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    Girl: “…so are you going to give me some for free, or what?”

    Me: “…”

    Reorientation Disorientation

    | Texas, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have any frames that fit a 7×5 photo?”

    Coworker: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I like THIS one, but you only have it in 5×7.”

    Coworker: “Yes?”

    Customer: *whines*

    Coworker: “Um…”

    Customer: “But I need one that’s 7×5, not 5×7!”

    Coworker: *slowly turns the frame on it’s side*

    Customer: “Oh, wow!”

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