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    Cost In The Translation, Part 2

    | Cambridge, UK |

    Customer: “This food is terrible. I want a refund!”

    (Turns to her daughter and starts speaking in Spanish.)

    Customer: “The food was amazing, actually!”

    Me: *also in Spanish* “I’ll send my compliments to the chef, then.”

    Cost In The Translation

    Matchless Yet Priceless

    | San Diego, CA , USA |

    Me: “Okay, that will be $230.11.”

    Customer: “I’ll give you $75 for it.”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “$110.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Our prices are set.”

    Customer: “Okay. $159.”

    Me: “I am really sorry. I can’t bring it down from $230.11. If you’d like, I can help you pick out something within your price range?”

    Customer: “Fine. Throw in that and I’ll get out of your hair.” (Points to a $100 hand held massager.)

    Me: “I can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “So much for price match! F*** this!” *leaves*

    Obviously Not An Outsider

    | Sussex, NJ, USA |

    (My flower stand is outside right next to a payphone, which starts ringing.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Hi is this [Auto Company]?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “[Auto Company]? I need someone to look at my car.”

    Me: “Sorry, this is a pay phone. I just picked it up because I heard it ringing.”

    Customer: “Are you sure you’re not in [Auto Company]?”

    Me: “Nope, I’m outside.”

    Customer: “Can you check?”

    Not Exactly The Pick Of The Litter, Part 2

    | NL, Canada |

    (One of my regulars comes to my cash with her small child. The mother is very much pregnant.)

    Me: “Oh hello, [mother] and [daughter], how are you today?”

    Customer: “We’re great!” *turns to daughter* “Tell [me] what Mommy is going to have in September!”

    Customer’s daughter: “A baby!”

    Me: “Really? What do you hope it’ll be?”

    Customer’s Daughter: “A puppy!”

    Not Exactly The Pick Of The Litter

    If She Were Blonde It Would Be Stereo(Typing)

    | Victoria, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “My email is not working!”

    Me: “What do you mean it’s not working?”

    Customer: “I can’t send any email. I need to send email. I have to confirm bookings and other stuff for my B&B! I need this fixed right away!”

    Me: “Okay, I was just heading out. I will drive straight over.”

    (I arrive at the customer’s B&B.)

    Customer: “I am so glad you could come so quickly. I just don’t know what to do without my email!”

    (I look at the computer, use the mouse to send myself a test email, everything works fine.)

    Customer: “No, no! Not like that! Type the email!”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    (I type and nothing happens. I reach behind the computer and plug the keyboard back in. The email starts to work again.)

    Me: “Your keyboard was unplugged.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah, a wire got kicked out when I was sitting there. I guess it was an important one after all.”

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