America, Land Of The Not-So-Free

| Houston, TX, USA |

Me: “Would you like a free year of anti-virus for this computer?”

Customer: “No, that is too expensive! In my country, we can get it for about $16 USD!”

Me: “Well, in this country you get it for free when you buy a computer.”

Customer: “No, it’s too expensive. You give me a deal?”

Me: “I can charge you $16 US Dollars for the anti-virus.”

Customer: “Okay! You see? You gave me a deal.”

Inching Away From Intelligence

| Ireland |

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to return my 13″ laptop please.”

Me: “Alright. Any particular reason you want to return it?”

Customer: “I thought the screen would be bigger, so I want to buy a larger one instead.”

Me: “So you thought your 13″ laptop was going to have a bigger screen?”

Customer: “Yeah. When I was buying it online it said ‘widescreen’.”

Bohemian Nobody

| Durham, NC, USA | Top

(A customer approaches the service counter.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Is this the real life?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is this just fantasy?”

Me: *catching on* “Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.”

Customer: “D*** it! I was trying to prank you! You shouldn’t know what I’m doing!”

Me: “Doesn’t really matter to me, to meeee.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms off*

Not-So-Fast Forward

| United Kingdom |

(I sell cable TV packages, and talk the caller through set-up. Our service offers a service where you can record programs and pause and rewind TV.)

Caller: “And can it fast-forward live TV?”

Me: “Um, no, it can’t.”

Caller: “I would have thought it could, since it can pause and rewind live TV.”

Me: “Fast-forwarding live TV is a bit different.”

Caller: “Forget I said that.”

The Unfantastic Mr. Fox

| United Kingdom |

(A man comes up to me with a huge bag.)

Customer: “Can I ask an odd question?”

Me: “Go for it.”

Customer: “Would it be okay for me to put my fox costume on and stand in the foyer?”

Me: “Why?”

Customer: “Just for pleasure. I enjoy doing it and the customers would enjoy seeing it.”

Me: “I’ll just check with my manager.”

(I phone the manager and repeat the request. The manager laughs for a few minutes and says no.)

Me: “I’m afraid my manager has said it’s not okay.”

Customer: *looks down sadly* “It’s okay. They said no everywhere else I asked too.” *walks away sadly, dragging the bag with his fox costume in*

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