November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Military Intelligence, Part 5

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer drives up to my window and hands me ticket.)

Me: “Hello, sir. The charge is $8 please.”

(The customer hands over money and then looks at screen which displays charge amount.)

Customer: “You know, your screen is confusing. Before, it said 18, and now it says 8.”

Me: “Yes, the screen displays the time before the ticket is read.”

Customer: “Hmm, then you better fix your clocks. I don’t think I have ever heard of 18 o’clock.”

Me: “The clock is on military time.”

Customer: “Oh…”

Friend in Customer’s Car: “Didn’t you serve in Iraq?”

Military Intelligence, Part 4
Military Intelligence, Part 3
Military Intelligence, Part 2
Military Intelligence, Part 1

A Funny Lark That’s Tough To Swallow

| North Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Raptor rehabilitation, can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. There’s a hawk swooping down eating the songbirds off of my bird feeder. Is there anything I can do?”

Me: “Well, not really. You can try moving the feeder near a bush where the songbirds can hide.”

Caller: “There are a lot of chipmunks where I live.”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “Do you think I can put up a sign telling the hawk to eat the chipmunks instead of the songbirds?”

Me: “I don’t think that will work, sir. Hawks don’t read well.”

Caller: “Oh. I’ll try it anyway.”

Losing Track Of Your Mind

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “I cannot find my order number or my order. I need the tracking information.”

Me: “Okay. Can I please have your login name so that I can look up your order history?”

(The caller gives their login name and I look up their order history.)

Me: “Ma’am, so that I know we are looking at the same page, can you please tell me what you see?”

Caller: “I see Order Number. I did this already!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. That number is your order number.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. It said Order Number, but I wasn’t sure that’s what it meant.”

Me: “Okay, so let’s track your package. I see that the package has been delivered on the 5th, which was 20 days ago.”

Caller: “Oh? Who signed for it?”

Me: “The initials say **.”

Caller: “Oh, so it was me! I just can’t seem to find that package around here. Could your computer tell me where I put it?”

Here Today, Gone To Maui

| Chicago, IL, USA | Geography

Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [travel agency]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need to get to Hawaii by Saturday.”

Me: “Okay, let me just see what flights are available.”

Caller: “Flights? As in flying? No way! I am terrified of flying! Can you look up some train tickets for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, Hawaii is in the middle of Pacific Ocean. There is no train service to Hawaii.”

Caller: “What? Hawaii is part of the United States, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It is.”

Caller: “Then how can it be in the middle of the Ocean? Fine then, what about taking a boat?”

Me: ”Ma’am, there are cruise services to Hawaii, but I can assure you that the only way you are going to get to Hawaii by Saturday is by flying.”

Caller: “Well, what about those speed boats that drug users use from Cuba?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, those boats don’t have the ability to cross the ocean, and Cuba is only 90 miles from the United States.”

Caller: “90 miles? Sonny boy, Cuba is out in the middle of the ocean. Haven’t you ever looked at a map?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Forget it, I’ll just call another travel agency that knows their history.”

Me: “Do you mean geography?”

Caller: *click*

No Charge For This Call

| Manhattan, KS, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling Business Care. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yea, hi. Just a quick question…y phone is about to die. Is there a way you guys can, like, charge my phone on your guys’ end?”

Me: “Uh, no it needs to be plugged in.”

Caller: “Oh darn, thought there was a way…are you sure?”

Me: “I’m pretty sure.”

Caller: “Couldn’t you at least try?”