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    Who’s The Man Now

    | Boise, ID, USA | Top

    (It’s past closing time and I’ve just dealt with a rush of 3 new applications that took 15 minutes each, and am moving on to the next customer.)

    Me: “Sorry about that, what can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, these movies aren’t working. They are all scratched.”

    Me: “Sorry about that. Pick whatever you want and I’ll exchange them.”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    (A few minutes later, a big, flannel clad man walks in.)

    Customer’s husband: “My wife was just in here for half an hour! ”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that…” *explains situation*

    Customer’s husband: “I don’t care! You need to have more than one register open! Where is your manager?!”

    Me: “He is in the back. We were suppose to close 45 minutes ago which is why I’m the only one on the register.”

    Customer’s husband: “You idiot! I need to see him now!”

    Me: “He’ll be here… now calm down!”

    Customer’s husband: “YOU MADE MY PREGNANT WIFE STAND IN LINE FOR HALF AN HOUR!”

    Me: “Well, sir… maybe you should have been a man and came in here instead of your wife.”

    Customer’s husband: *speechless*

    (My manager had to pretend to fire me in front of him, but we later joked about him in the back room.)

    Customer of the Week: Life or Death

    | Ontario, Canada | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: Life or Death
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story

    Go MacGuyver Go

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I work at a bulk food store, where prices are given on the bins for 100 grams, and 1 pound of the product.)

    Customer: “Why isn’t this weighing in pounds? The sign had it in pounds!”

    Me: “The signs have it in both pounds and grams, and since Canada uses the metric system, we weigh according to kilograms.”

    Customer: “Kilograms are not grams!”

    Me: “Grams go into kilograms, sir.”

    Customer: “No they don’t! I am the customer, and I want this scale to weigh in pounds!”

    (Note that this is a scale only weighs in kilograms, with ‘kg’ painted on permanently next to the display.)

    Me: “That’s impossible, sir.”

    Customer: “No it’s not, it’s what I want. I work with computers. I can change this.”

    Me: “… You do that.”

    Will Somebody Please Think Of The Pr0n

    | Ontario, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, *** Computers. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my computer has a ton of viruses. I was told I need a complete wipe. Can you guys do that?”

    Me: “Yes we can sir. Can I just ask why you think your computer needs a full wipe?”

    Customer: “Yeah, well my son was looking at porn a few days ago, and now it won’t work at all. That’s why I’d like my computer wiped.”

    Me: “Alright, then sir. You can bring in your computer anytime today. I just want to ask if there’s any files you want us to save before you do.”

    Customer: “Yeah, can you save my porn?”

    Me: “I’m… sorry?”

    Customer: “Can you save my porn?”

    Me: “Yes sir, we can definitely save all your… files. We just aren’t able to move any programs over unless you have the CD.”

    Customer: “No, I have all the CD’s. I’ll do it all myself. I just want to know if you can save my porn.”

    Me: “Yes sir, we can save all your files. Word documents, JPEGs–”

    Customer: “–and my porn.”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Great. I’ll bring it in this afternoon.” *click*

    (Fortunately, he never came in.)

    Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms, Part 2

    | Des Moines, IA, USA |

    (I’ve just done a sales pitch for internet service.)

    Customer: “Oh honey, I’m 73. I wouldn’t know that to do with the internet. I can hardly run the computer my daughter gave me.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll be honest. I’m 24 and I do struggle with them from time to time.”

    Customer: “Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to be your age, what with all the bad things happening in the world today.”

    Me: “I don’t know, I’m pretty optimistic most of the time. I think we’ll be okay.”

    Customer: “You’ve never been married, have you?”

    Related:
    Marital Bliss, In All Its Forms

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

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