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    Not All Customers Are Bona-Fido

    | USA | Health & Body, Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    Me: “[Doctor’s] office, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Hi, there! I was wondering if I could get an appointment for today?”

    Me: “Most likely. What type of animal do you have?”

    Customer: *noticeable pause* “I have a dog. I just need the shots to go overseas.”

    Me: “How exciting! When are you traveling?”

    Customer: “Tomorrow. I tried to get an appointment at the other doctor, but he couldn’t fit me in.”

    Me: “Well, just for a vaccination, I think we can manage that around four p.m. today. Do you happen to know what shots your dog needs?”

    Customer: “My dog?”

    Me: “Yes…to go abroad.”

    Customer: “Why would I give shots to my dog? He’s staying here. I need shots for my wife and me.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a veterinarian’s office. We treat animals here.”

    Customer: “But my flight’s tomorrow! Can’t you make an exception?”

    Me: “Sir, that would be highly illegal. And we only carry shots designed for dogs. We don’t have the type you’d need.”

    Customer: “Fine! I’m going to report you to the state!” *click*

    (The phone rings a moment later.)

    Me: “[Doctor’s] office, how can I help you today?”

    Same Customer: “Um…my wife wants to know if you have dog boarding.”

    An Inconvenient Car Boot

    | Melbourne, Australia | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

    (We are a plant nursery trying to reduce the amount of plastic bags we give out.)

    Me: “Do you need a bag with that? We can give you a reusable plastic car boot liner or newspaper.”

    Customer: “No bag. I’m trying to save the trees and the planet.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: *short pause* “Have you got a sheet of plastic I can use instead? Like the car boot liner, but with handles?”

    Me: “What, like a plastic bag?”

    Customer: “Perfect!”

    The Last Scupper

    | California, USA | Religion, Uncategorized

    (I notice a customer looking at the passover cards, looking frustrated, so I go over to help her.)

    Me: “Can I help you find anything, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for Christian passover cards.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry any Christian Passover cards. Were you maybe looking for the Easter cards?”

    Customer: “No, I need Passover cards for a Christian.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but Passover is a Jewish holiday. We don’t carry Christian Passover cards because Christians don’t celebrate it.”

    Customer: “Jesus did!”

    Get A Life

    | Alabama, Canada | Technology, Uncategorized

    Caller: “My friend told me that there is something better than the TV service I have right now.”

    (I have been looking at his account for over 20 minutes. He has full HD TV service.)

    Me: “Well, you have full HD TV. The only thing better would be to upgrade to a Personal Video Recorder.”

    Caller: “No, I don’t want one of those. I want better picture on my TV!”

    Me: “You have better picture on your TV. You have HD TV.”

    Caller: “No! You don’t understand. My friend told me that there is something better than what I have. I want that! What is it?”

    (Note: this was before 3D TV was available.)

    Me: “Well, there is talk of things like 3D TV, but the technology is a ways away. It’s not something available now. You currently have the best thing available on the market today.”

    Caller: “No! There is something better! What is better than HD TV?”

    Me: “The only thing better than HD TV is real life.”

    Caller: “Real life? Well, how do I get that?”

    Seven Of Nine

    | Lafayette, IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Uh…how many pieces are in your nine piece bucket?”

    Me: *jokingly* “Seven. I’m taking two out for you asking that question.”

    Customer: “Seven? That’s a good deal!”

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