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    When Facts Are Not Immediately A-Parent

    | Penarth, South Glamorgan, Wales, UK. |

    (I am working behind the counter. The only other people in the shop are a woman and a small boy. The boy is rushing about, shouting and being boisterous. This goes on for several minutes.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you tell that child to stop running around?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought he was with you.”

    Customer: “He is.”

    Putting The Spa In Spay

    | Corona, CA, USA |

    (A customer brings in his dog for a spay.)

    Customer: “While she’s out, can you trim her nails? They’re getting real long.”

    Me: “Of course, sir. We give all patients under anesthesia a complimentary nail trim.”

    Customer: “Oh, you do? Would you give me a free pedicure, too?”

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Customer: “How about a massage?”

    Innocence Lost

    | Cape Cod |

    Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yea, I need you guys to work on my car’s transmission. How much?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t work on cars here, we print things.”

    Caller: “But…but I Googled [company] and I got you guys.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, Google was wrong. I don’t know how we got on there.”

    Caller: “But I Googled you! You have to do it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we have copiers here, not a garage. Try the yellow pages?”

    Caller: *sounding very betrayed* “I can’t believe I Googled you.”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Me: “Your total is $**.**.”

    (The customer hands me card, I run it and hand it back to her.)

    Customer: “Oh, no! That’s my debit card! I don’t have any money in my account. It’s going to be declined.”

    Me: “Well, your purchase went through.”

    Customer: “Oh, well, if it went through, that means I have enough money in my account.”

    Me: “Well, not necessarily. My brother got himself into a lot of debt by using his cards after he’d reached his limit.”

    Customer: “You mean I could still use this card even if there’s no money in the account?”

    Me: “It’s possible, but I’m not familiar with your bank system.”

    Customer: *to friend* “Do you want to go to the nail salon?”

    There’s No Pills Like Home, Part 2

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (My phone number is 1 number off a nearby pharmacy. We get a lot of misdials. My father happens to actually be a pharmacist but he doesn’t work there.)

    Me: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Hello? You just say Hello? How dare you be so rude! You should say “thank you for calling”!”

    Me: “Oh, you must be looking for [pharmacy]. You have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Liar! How would you know what store I’m looking for? You’re just trying not to get in trouble. Give me your manager.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have a manager. You’ve called a private residence. The number for the pharmacy is close to our number, so we get a lot of wrong calls.”

    Caller: “This is outrageous! Give me your manager! I will not be treated this way!”

    (At this point the caller was rambling and being rude so I hung up the phone. She called back, and my father answered it.)

    Father: “Hello?”

    Caller: “Is this the manager? Thank god! I want to know if [drug] can be taken with food! And you should fire that girl that answered before, she was very rude to me! I want to file a complaint!”

    Father: “Ma’am, this is not the grocery store pharmacy. You just told off my 14-year old daughter. I happen to be a pharmacist. That drug does not need to be taken with food. However, you should see a doctor about your ears, as you clearly can’t hear a word anyone says.”

    There’s No Pills Like Home

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