November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Safe To Assume There Are No Insecurities Here

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(After taking the customers name, phone number, credit card info.)

Me: “To finish creating your account, I need an answer to a reminder question. In what city were you born?”

Customer: “That is way too personal.”

Me: “Okay. We have a few other questions. What is your pet’s name? What is your favorite television show? What is your favorite pastime?”

Customer: “Ask me my favorite pasttime.”

Me: “What is your favorite pastime?”

Customer: “Making loooooooove.”

Not About To Start A Revolution

| Barrie, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(A young female customer is paying for a work order. Her friends are nearby.)

Me: “The tech also recommends a tire rotation.”

Customer: “Oh okay…is that something I could get a friend to do?”

Me: “If they’ve got a jack and the lug nut key, sure.”

(Her friends come over.)

Customer: *to another young female friend* “I have to rotate my tires.”

Customer’s friend: “I thought they did that when you drive?”

Should Get His Head Chequed

| Australia | Uncategorized

(A client calls in regarding a payment he is expecting from us. I determine the reason for delay, correct it and all that is left is the processing of the payment.)

Me: “How would you like the payment, sir? Electronically or by cheque?”

Client: “Electronically, please.”

Me: “Not a problem. I just need your bank account details so we can transfer the payment.”

Client: *short pause* “Who are you again?”

Me: “I’m [my name] from [government department].”

Client: “So this is [government department]? How do I know that’s true?”

Me: “Well, you called me.”

Client: “Did I? I’m still not sure. I think you’re faking it.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you’re uncomfortable providing your bank account details over the phone, we can send the payment via cheque.”

Client: “No, a cheque takes too long.”

Me: “We currently don’t have your bank account details, so you will need provide them to us if you want electronic payment.”

Client: “Well, that’s no good.”

Me: “Cheque then, sir?”

Client: “I guess, do I have to give you my address?”

Me: “No, we already have your address unless…have you moved
recently, sir?”

Client: *exasperated sigh* “How would I know that?”

Likely To Cause IRE (Ironic Resourceful Ethics)

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am working near a copy station, and a woman comes up with a large stack of papers.)

Customer: “Do you have any zip ties to bind this with?”

Me: “Sure, here.”

(As she binds the papers, I see the word “Ethics” on the first page.)

Me: “Oh, is this for an Ethics class?”

Customer: “Yes! I didn’t want to pay for the book, so I photocopied it. Do you think the professor is going to like how resourceful I am?”

Me: “I’m sure you’ll have a very lively discussion about it.”

Pain In The Derrière

| Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to me holding a package of Naan bread.)

Customer: What kind of bread is this?”

Me: “That’s just plain white naan.”

Customer: “They forgot the ‘L’.” *points to the words ‘Naan Pain’ on the front of the package*

Me: “Oh, that’s French for ‘bread’.”

Customer: “So the flavor isn’t pain?”

Me: “No, sir, pain isn’t a flavor.”