July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Build Up Of Hot Air

| Wellington, New Zealand | Math & Science, Uncategorized

(Our store is mostly outdoors, but it has a small greenhouse where cafe customers often sit and have coffee.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I would like to sit in the greenhouse. Could you open a vent for me?”

Me: “Actually, when it’s windy like today it rattles a lot when the doors are open, so you might be more comfortable with them closed.”

Customer: “But we can’t sit in there without ventilation. What about the greenhouse gas?!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Greenhouse gas! Like global warming! You can’t let people sit in there if you’re letting the greenhouse gas build up!”

One Mother, One Cup

| Springfield, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi I need to return this.” *hands over an opened and clearly worn jock cup*

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, this is a completely non-returnable item.”

Customer: “I called and you said your return policy is 30 days with receipt.”

Me: “That’s except for jocks and mouth-guards. Cashiers tell you at the time of purchase that they’re completely non-returnable.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t understand. So, there’s nothing you can do for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s store policy based on our health-code.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that my little boy would have such a big wee-wee?” *grabs her very embarrassed-looking son and leaves*

A Serious Case Of Old-Timers

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I am cutting the hair of an 86 year old man. He asks if I’m from the area, and I tell him I live in an apartment building near by.)

Customer: “So you live there with your husband?”

Me: “I live there with my boyfriend and my best friend.”

Customer: “You live with your boyfriend?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “And you’re not married?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “But you live together?”

Me: “Right.”

Customer: “I’ve never heard of that before.”

Some Callers Are Proper Dementor

| Racine, WI, USA | Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, Top

(I have a caller named Victor Krumm in the computer system. I’m a Harry Potter fan.)

Me: “Okay, sir, so you’re Victor Krumm?”

Caller: “Yep, that’s me.”

Me: “Sorry, this might sound funny, but did you know that there’s a book series called Harry Potter with a character with that name?”

(There’s a pause, as if he’s thinking, and suddenly he yells.)

Caller: “THE MUGGLES KNOW!”

(He hangs up. His wife calls a little while later to actually schedule.)

Pass(word) The Buck

| Missoula, MT, USA | Health & Body, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “I hear you are the go-to girl for computer problems.”

Me: “Yes, I am.” (I scoot over to the computer.) “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I can’t remember my password.”

Me: “I don’t know your password.”

Customer: “So they lied when they told me you knew everything about the computers?”

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