Grandma Vs The Internet

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Uncategorized

(A customer brings in her desktop for repair.)

Customer: “Excuse me sir, can you help me? I’ve done something terrible.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

Customer: “Well, I was on the computer, and all of these naughty images started to pop up. Well, I didn’t want my grandkids thinking their grandma was into something nasty, so I started to delete things and well…I’ve deleted the internet!”

Me: “It will be alright, ma’am. I think we can save the internet.”

Drive Hoo

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant], how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”

Me: “Alright, that’ll be $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

(The customer drives to the window.)

Me: “That’s $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

*pause*

Me: “$12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “12.”

Customer: “Woo!”

Me: “09.”

Customer: “Hoo!”

Me: “12.09”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “…09.12″

Customer: “Hoowoo!”

Me: “90.21”

Customer: “Ooh-oow!”

Me: “Well played, sir.”

Perturbed By The Verb

| Queens, NY, USA | Funny Names, Politics, Uncategorized

Caller: “You need to do something about that new surf shop. You need to shut them down.”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t just shut the surf shop down, but why don’t you tell me the problem?”

Caller: “Well, they’re very inappropriate! My teenage daughter walked by the other day, and they ‘Googled’ her!”

Me: “They ‘Googled’ your daughter?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “As she walked by?”

Caller: “That’s what I’m telling you!”

Me: “Do you mean they ‘ogled’ her?”

Caller: “Same thing!”

The Sun Is A Slacker Abroad

| Rutland, VT, USA | Technology, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi ma’am. Is there anything I can help you find?”

Customer: “I am looking for a solar powered charger for my cell phone. Do you have anything like that?”

Me: “Yep, just follow me.”

Customer: “Also can you tell me which ones can work overseas?”

Related:
The Sun Is Such A Slacker Sometimes, Part 2
The Sun Is Such A Slacker Sometimes

Feeling Pooped

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

(A couple approaches the counter.)

Me: “Can I help?”

Customer: “Yes, can you give me advice about his stool?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t give medical advice. Perhaps you’d like to speak to our pharmacist, or consult your doctor?”

Customer: “No, I’m sure they’re very busy. I just want someone to tell me if it’s normal.”

Me: “The law says I can’t give advice. Let me get the pharmacist.”

Customer: “No, really, I have some here.” *whips out a clear bag of poo on the counter* “See, it’s all gritty. That’s not normal, is it? Do you have pills for that?”

Me: “Ma’am, you might want to take that to your doctor. We can’t accept biological waste.”

Customer: *to her husband* “See, Joe, I told you it was wrong. That’s why I save them.”

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