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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
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    Out Of This World Prices

    | Santa Clarita, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I need your assistance with these lights here. Do I just plug these into the dirt?”

    Me: “They’re solar powered, so you stick them into your lawn and they’ll charge during the day so they can shine during the evening. Right now they’re on clearance for $14.98.”

    Customer: “How many batteries will I have to buy? I always get things like this on sale and then you trick me because I have to buy batteries.”

    Me: “They’re solar powered.”

    Customer: “I just want to know how many batteries I need.”

    Me: “Well these particular lights only need one battery. It’s big and yellow and floats in the sky. It’s called the Sun.”

    Customer: “Never mind, then. That sounds awfully expensive.”

    How To Seize The Moment

    | Tallmadge, OH, USA |

    (An elderly woman is having a seizure and obviously 911 was called to the scene.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but when can I get my prescription?”

    Me: “Ma’am, this woman is having a seizure and needs medical attention right away.”

    Customer: “But I was here before her!”

    Magic Plows? Snow Problem!

    | Montreal, Canada |

    (We had just received well over 15 inches of snow during the course of the night. Obviously, our buses were late and our subway system crowded.)

    Customer: “My bus was 25 minutes late and I arrived to work late. My boss just gave me my final warning. One more lateness and I’ll be fired!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that but, as you can see, we currently have snow on the ground and there isn’t much we can do but to wait for the plow crews to finish their job.”

    Customer: “Excuses! I got a final warning from my boss and I’m about to get fired!”

    Me: “Okay. If it is of any help to you, I can mail an official letter to your boss certifying that your lateness was our fault and not yours.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want no letter from you guys. I’m about to get fired!”

    Me: “Okay, I apologize for the inconvenience, but–”

    Customer: “You know what would have been helpful? You guys should have performed a ‘preventative’ plowing before the snow fell!”

    What’s In A Name

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell christmas trees?”

    Me: “Yes, we do in the Garden Center.”

    Customer: “Thanks…”

    (A few minutes later, the customer returns.)

    Customer: “I can’t seem to find them.”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll show you where they are.”

    (I leads to Garden Center and points out section donated to the trees.)

    Me: “They’re right there, ma’am.”

    Customer: “No, you’re wrong. Those are evergreens! I want a Christmas Tree!”

    Me: “Ma’am, evergreens are Christmas trees.”

    Customer: “No, they’re different! I want a Christmas tree, not some stupid evergreen!”

    Me: “Ma’am, they are the same.”

    Customer: “No, they are not! Christmas trees stay green all year round, and evergreens lose their leaves!”

    For Signs Of Stupidity, The Buck Stops Here

    | Maine, USA |

    (We are responsible for the placement of traffic signs. I get this call from a resident where we just placed a deer Crossing sign.)

    Me: “Hello, [government office]. How may I help you?”

    Resident: “Yes, you just placed a Deer Crossing sign down the street from my house.”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Resident: “Well, I am not happy with its location. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of deer cross the roads in my neighborhood.”

    Me: “What is your concern about its location?”

    Resident: “I’d like you to move it down the road a few yards. It would be a lot more convenient if the deer knew to cross there. Can you do that before they get used to it where it is?”

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