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    So Slow It Hertz

    | North Carolina, USA | School, Technology, Top

    Caller: “Hi, I think there’s a bug on your website. I can’t log into my account.”

    Me: “Okay, that may be a bug. Let me get some basic information from you. What internet browser are you using?”

    Caller: “What’s a browser?”

    Me: “That’s what you use to surf the Internet. Popular browsers are Internet Explorer and Firefox.”

    Caller: “Oh. I think I’m using Yahoo.”

    Me: “That’s a search engine.

    Caller: “Ask.com?”

    Me: “That’s another search engine. I need to know what browser you use to get to that website.”

    Caller: “Oh, I think I know what you mean. I’m using Hotmail.”

    (This goes on for about 10 minutes. Eventually, we locate the bug. While I’m writing up the report, I’m making small-talk with the customer.)

    Me: “You said you’re in college? What do you study?”

    Caller: “Computer science. I’m really good at it!”

    Too Much Gravy For The Brain

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I’m a cook in a restaurant that many tourists visit.)

    Me: *to waitress* “So, how did everyone like their food?”

    Waitress: “The table complained that the meal contains too much sauce.”

    Me: “His order gets the sauce on the side.”

    Waitress: “Yeah, he complained that he added too much.”

    No Brains And The Bees

    | Maryland, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have anything I can spray on my flowers to keep the bees off them?”

    Me: “You want to keep the bees off your flowers?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you sell that?”

    Me: “Do you understand how flowers work?”

    Not All Re-Cycling Is Good

    | California, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top

    (I am in a public park, riding my quad. A little girl comes up and asks for a ride. Since I’m not accustomed to giving strangers rides, I politely decline. A few minutes later, an angry woman storms up.)

    Woman: “Excuse me!”

    Me: “Uh, yes?”

    Woman: “Why won’t you give my daughter a ride?! You made her cry!”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that.”

    Woman: “So you’ll give her a ride?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel comfortable giving strangers rides.”

    Woman: “What terrible service! I am going to report you!”

    (I hear her on the phone with the police.)

    Woman: “Yes, this person refuses to give my daughter a ride on her quad. No, I don’t know her. What?! No, I am not on drugs!”

    Deli-cate Situation

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, this is–”

    Caller: “Baby, what are you doing? Want to come over later?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Caller: *laughs* “You heard me, baby.”

    Me: “Sir, I think you may have the wrong number. This is a deli.”

    Caller: “Woah, are you serious?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Caller: “I’m so sorry!”

    Me: “It’s okay.”

    Caller: “So…do you want to come over?

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