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    The Guinea Pig Goes Hiss

    | Lafayette, LA, USA |

    (I am showing a guinea pig to a middle aged customer in a suit and tie who seems interested in buying it for his kids.)

    Customer: “So, they eat special food just for guinea pigs?”

    Me: “Yeah, there is a food that we sell that is specially customized
    to their needs, but you can also feed them rabbit food.”

    Customer: “A guinea pig is a reptile, right?”

    It’s Always The One You Least Suspect

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    (My job at the theme park is to explain the rules at certain rides.)

    Mom: “Who told you couldn’t ride sweetie?”

    Kid: *points at me*

    Mom: “Why did you send my kid back down to me?!”

    Me: “Sorry, he’s too short for this ride, but you guys are more than
    welcome to play in the other areas.”

    Mom: *points at another kid* “But he is WAY shorter than my son!”

    Me: “No, sorry. I measure every child and he made the minimum height.”

    Mom: “That’s ridiculous. Can’t my son go just once? He’s waited all day to play over here.”

    Me: “No, sorry…”

    Mom: “You’re just a prude.”

    Me: “I probably get more than you do.”

    Mom: *jaw drops*

    Guilt Trip: FAIL

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, you guys sell fish food and supplies, but do you have any fish?”

    Me: “No, sorry sir, we don’t sell pets.”

    Customer: “Where do they sell pets?”

    Me: “A pet store?”

    Customer: “Is there one of those near here?”

    Me: “Uhm, I really don’t know.”

    Customer: “Will you take me to it?”

    Me: “… no?”

    Customer: “Sam Walton would take me to it!”

    Me: “Sam Walton is dead.”

    Just Another Day In Bedrock

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (Keep in mind, this customer comes in about ten times a day. He’s insane and you never know what you will get from this guy.)

    Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Yabba dabba.”

    Me: “Okay. That will be thirteen fifty.”

    Customer: *hands me money* “Yabba dabba.”

    Me: “You don’t say?”

    Customer: *angrily* “Yabba dabba!!”

    Me: “Doo. Have a good day.”

    Customer: *happy now* “YABBA DABBA!!!!” *leaves*

    (He comes back about two hours later, talking regularly like nothing happened.)

    I’ll Have The Bacteria, Lettuce And Tomato

    | Indiana, USA |

    (I work in the deli of a very small grocery store. My co-worker had just walked out of the deli, leaving me in the back alone.)

    Cashier: “Deli, you have a customer!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, I didn’t see you there. I was just washing my hands. Can I get you something?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES.”

    (I know for a fact that he couldn’t have been there for more than a
    minute, because my co-worker had just walked out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Like I said, I didn’t know you were out here. I was in the back, washing my hands and I can’t see you back there.”

    Customer: “Well, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN OUT HERE. What were you doing in
    the back? Your job is to wait on customers!”

    Me: “I WAS WASHING MY HANDS.”

    Customer: “I don’t see why you should have to do that.”

    Me: “Me neither, sir.”

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