October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

(Please Go) Back To The Future

| Oxford, UK | Tourists/Travel

(I work in a small store in Oxford when a busload of tourists comes in to buy large quantities of sweets.)

Tourist: “We’re stocking up. We’re going to Stratford-on-Avon to see Shakespeare’s house.”

Me: “Okay, but why don’t you just buy it when you get there?”

(Several tourists stop what they are doing.)

Tourist: “They sell candy in the 16th century?”

Burn Me Twice, Flame On Me

, | Australia | Uncategorized

(Note: I’m a customer and overhear this conversation.)

Worker: “Hi, what can I do for you?”

Customer:“I bought this garlic bread, and I burnt my hands and my mouth.”

Worker: “Oh, how did you burn both?”

Customer: “It was too hot in my hands, so I put it in my mouth…”

May Contain Scenes Of Flippered Violence

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me I’m looking for a movie, it has 2 actors in it.”

Me: “Which two actors?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “What was the movie about?”

Customer: “I don’t remember.”

Me: “Do you know any part of the movie?”

Customer: “There’s a huge conflict in the middle of it.”

Me: “That could be almost any one of these movies.”

Customer: “Oh, here it is! March of the Penguins!”

Mmm, Hemoglobin

| Lancashire, UK | Uncategorized

(I am cleaning down the kitchen and I manage to cut my hand rather badly. There are no bandages in the kitchen so I wrap it in a cloth and go to find my manager out front.)

Customer: “Excuse me, we’re ready to order our dessert.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to find a bandage at the moment. Could it wait a minute?”

Customer: “Well, I only wanted some ice cream.”

Me: *shows hand* “You want blood with that?”

Customer: “Chocolate sauce, maybe?”

Some Customers Never Let You Down

| London, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where are the escalators and lifts?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. The lift is reserved for people who are unable to use the stairs, and there are no escalators. There is a staircase just over there, if that’s what you’re looking for”.

Customer: “But those are ‘down’ stairs. I need to go back up.”

Me: “Ma’am, stairs go both up and down. That is why we have stairs instead of escalators.”

Customer: “But I need to go upstairs, and you do don’t have any ‘up’ stairs. Are you trying to trap people here?”

Me: “You know what? Let me show you the lift”.

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