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  • Making False Bald Statements
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    No Clue At The Zoo

    | Utah, USA |

    (We are hosting a visiting special exhibit featuring animals endemic to Madagascar. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I don’t think I saw the Madagascar inside the exhibit.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “The Madagascar. Was that the furry thing in the glass cage?”

    Me: “Madagascar is a country, ma’am. It’s an island nation off the coast of Africa.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen the movie!

    A Father’s Love Is Very Console-ing

    | Scotland, UK |

    Customer: “Excuse me, could you give me some advice please?”

    Me: “Sure, how can I help?”

    Customer: “I was looking to buy a Nintendo 360 for my son.”

    Customer’s Son: “Dad! It’s an Xbox360!”

    Customer, to me: “This is how much help I need. Would you please?”

    Not Caught Up In The Web

    | Tucson, AZ, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My mother’s computer won’t connect to the internet.”

    Me: “Alright, Let’s see if we can figure out the issue.”

    (I spend five minutes troubleshooting the connection, and still can’t get it connected.)

    Me: “I can’t find anything wrong with your computer. Is it a desktop or a laptop?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. She’s in Florida, so I’ll have to call and ask her.”

    Me: “Okay, do you happen to know her internet service provider?”

    Customer: “Yes, it’s you guys.”

    Me: “Sir, we’re a repair center. Are you sure she has internet?”

    Customer: “Doesn’t it come free with the computer?”

    Me: “No, They stopped doing that a while ago.”

    Customer: “Figures. I’ll tell her!”

    Last Of The NonFictions

    | Edmonton, AB, USA |

    (I am a customer and I have been looking all over for a certain book. I see someone reading it.)

    Me: “Excuse me, but could you show me where you found that?”

    Girl: “Yeah, just follow me!”

    (She leads me to a shelf of books.)

    Girl: “I found it right there!”

    Me: “I don’t see it.”

    Girl: “Oh, that’s because I took the last one!”

    Safe To Assume There Are No Insecurities Here

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (After taking the customers name, phone number, credit card info.)

    Me: “To finish creating your account, I need an answer to a reminder question. In what city were you born?”

    Customer: “That is way too personal.”

    Me: “Okay. We have a few other questions. What is your pet’s name? What is your favorite television show? What is your favorite pastime?”

    Customer: “Ask me my favorite pasttime.”

    Me: “What is your favorite pastime?”

    Customer: “Making loooooooove.”

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