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  • Right-Click Wrong-Click

    | Ireland | Technology, Uncategorized

    (I’m twenty minutes into troubleshooting an internet connection.)

    Me: “Okay, now right-click on that screen.”

    Caller: “Right-click. It’s not working.”

    Me: “Just make sure you’re right-clicking for a moment.”

    Caller: “I will. Right-click, see nothing happens! Can’t you fix this already?”

    (I realize that she is left-clicking on the page for nothing to be happening.)

    Me: “Can you click the button on the right hand side for me?”

    Caller: “You clearly don’t know what you’re doing because it’s not working!”

    Me: “Do you know your left from your right?”

    Caller: “Obviously!”

    Me: “Look at your mouse.”

    Caller: “I am looking at it.”

    Me: “See the button on the left and the button on the right? Click the button on the right.”

    Caller: “Oh it worked. I thought you meant your right!”

    A Fowl Plot

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, these “Wicked Wings” you gave me are hot and spicy.”

    Me: “Yes, I know.”

    Customer: “Well I can’t eat anything that is spicy because of my health. You should have told me they were spicy.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I assumed you’d known because that’s the only thing you ordered. I’ll give you a refund.”

    Customer: “No, that’s not good enough. You should have told me that they are spicy, it’s your responsibility.”

    Me: “I apologize.”

    Customer: “I thought it was made from the evil chickens or something.”

    So Slow It Hertz

    | North Carolina, USA | School, Technology, Top

    Caller: “Hi, I think there’s a bug on your website. I can’t log into my account.”

    Me: “Okay, that may be a bug. Let me get some basic information from you. What internet browser are you using?”

    Caller: “What’s a browser?”

    Me: “That’s what you use to surf the Internet. Popular browsers are Internet Explorer and Firefox.”

    Caller: “Oh. I think I’m using Yahoo.”

    Me: “That’s a search engine.

    Caller: “Ask.com?”

    Me: “That’s another search engine. I need to know what browser you use to get to that website.”

    Caller: “Oh, I think I know what you mean. I’m using Hotmail.”

    (This goes on for about 10 minutes. Eventually, we locate the bug. While I’m writing up the report, I’m making small-talk with the customer.)

    Me: “You said you’re in college? What do you study?”

    Caller: “Computer science. I’m really good at it!”

    Too Much Gravy For The Brain

    | Victoria, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (I’m a cook in a restaurant that many tourists visit.)

    Me: *to waitress* “So, how did everyone like their food?”

    Waitress: “The table complained that the meal contains too much sauce.”

    Me: “His order gets the sauce on the side.”

    Waitress: “Yeah, he complained that he added too much.”

    No Brains And The Bees

    | Maryland, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, but do you have anything I can spray on my flowers to keep the bees off them?”

    Me: “You want to keep the bees off your flowers?”

    Customer: “Yes. Do you sell that?”

    Me: “Do you understand how flowers work?”

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