November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded

| Petersburg, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where’s your normal coffee?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “I just want a bag of normal coffee, not flavored.
Where’s your normal coffee?”

Me: “Oh, all of the coffees on the left side of the shelf are unflavored.”

Customer: “No, they’re all flavored.  They all say different flavors, like  ‘Ethiopia’.”

Me: “No, those aren’t flavors. All the ones with a country name are just normal, black coffees like you want. The country name is where the coffee was grown.”

Customer: “What! There’s no such country as Ethiopia!”

Me: “Well, it’s very far away, in Africa.”

Customer: “If you say so. So the ones with country names aren’t flavored?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll take the stuff from France.”

Me: “Coffee doesn’t grow in France…”

Customer: “Yeah, that French Vanilla.”

One Nation, Under God, Period

| South Dakota, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have anything made in Tennessee?”

Me: “It’s quite possible.”

Customer: “Well, what about Illinois?”

Me: “Maybe.”

Customer: “What about New Jersey?”

Me: “I’m not sure…you may find something.”

Customer: “But your sign says you sell goods from over 50 countries! That’s all of them!”

Me: “That’s states. It’s 50 countries outside the US.”

Customer: *baffled look* “Out…side?”

The Pre-School Preemptive

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, you’ve reached the office of admissions at [Private High School]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I’m looking at schools for my daughter, and I was wondering if you could tell me some of the benefits of your school.”

(I discuss benefits of being a student at my high school.)

Caller: “Are you a student here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Do you see the programs changing in the next few years?”

Me: “How many years?”

Caller: “Well, my daughter is starting preschool in a month.”


For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Geography

Caller: “Hi. I’m trying to find you, but seem a bit lost.”

Me: “That’s no problem. Do you approximately where you are?”

Caller: “Nova Scotia.”

Me: “That’s good, but I will need a bit more information. Are you in Halifax or Dartmouth?”

Caller: “Canada.”

Me: “Do you know which city you are in?”

Caller: “Canada.”

Me: “Canada is the country. Which area of the city are you in. Do you know which road you are on?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where have you driven from?”

Caller: “My aunt’s house.”

Me: “Do you know your aunt’s address?”

Caller: “She lives in Nova Scotia.”

Me: “Can you see any signs or landmarks?”

Caller: “I have some water on my right and some trees on my left.”

Me: “Any shops or gas stations?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “You will need to keep going straight and call me back as soon as you see a sign or can stop at a gas station or shop and ask for help.”

Caller: “I thought you were guest services. Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “I am trying, but need a basic idea where you are.”

Caller: *shouting* “I’m. In. Canada!”

For The Love Of God, Get GPS

Alternative 5-Year Calling Plan

| Georgia, USA | Uncategorized

(I am at the Admissions office at my University. A co-worker leaves a message with a younger kid telling them they’d “call back later” to speak to the adult.)

Me: “Hello, [college]?”

Caller: “Oh, this is a college?”

Me: “Yes ma’am?”

Caller: “Well then why were you telling my kid you were coming to our house?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”

Caller: “Someone called my house the other day from this number and told my 5-year-old daughter that they would “come over later.” Why would anyone be coming over later?”

Me: “I believe they probably said “Call back later.” That’s what we usually say if a younger child answers the phone.”

Caller: “Oh, so now you think my 5-year-old is dumb?”

Me: “I never said that ma’am, we just usually don’t leave messages with young children.”

Caller: “If my daughter couldn’t take a message, I wouldn’t let her answer the phone!”

Me: “Well, with all due respect ma’am, she did tell you we said we would come to your house, which is not correct at all.”

Caller: “Yeah, well your people should speak more clearly, she’s only 5! She gets things wrong sometimes!”