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    The Twelve (Billion) Days Of Christmas

    | Australia |

    (Note: this takes place Christmas Eve.)

    Customer: “What’s this about you guys closing tomorrow?”

    Me: “Yes, we are closed for Christmas day so we can have time with our families.”

    Customer: “But if you’re closed, then what am I supposed to feed my family with!? You guys are supposed to be open all the time!”

    Me: “But what about our families? Can’t we spend time with them?”

    Customer: “No, because you’re supposed to be here working and serving us food!”

    Totally Flunked That One

    | Oxford, UK |

    (I am working in a cafe near one of the main halls for University examinations, for which the students have to wear full robes. Every time an exam finishes, the students come out and celebrate with champagne and confetti.)

    Tourist: “Excuse me, what time is the next show?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? There’s a theatre round the corner from here. They might be able to help you.”

    Tourist: “No, the next University show. With the costumes and everything.”

    Me: “I’m afraid that’s not a performance. Those are the University’s students, and they’re finishing their exams.”

    Tourist: “So when will the next one finish? I want to bring my wife.”

    In Need Of Humble Pi

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    Me: “Would you like to donate to [charity] today?”

    Customer: “Okay. Round my total up to $30.”

    (I pull out a calculator to figure out how much it is to round up to $30. Customer’s total is $25.78.)

    Customer: “It’s sad that you need a calculator to figure that out. It’s $7.32.”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, it’s $4.22.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    A Smoking Computer Is Always A Bad Sign

    | Norrkoping, Sweden |

    Caller: “My bong isn’t working!”

    Me: “I’m not sure what you mean, ma’am. Could you explain what your problem is?”

    Caller: “I told you! My bong is broken!”

    Me: “Your bong, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Yes the bong that goes in to the computer for my internet!”

    Me: “Oh, do you mean your ‘dongle’?”

    Caller: “Yes! That thing!”

    Trouble Brewing, Part 2

    | Midland, TX, USA |

    (An obviously underage girl sets a 12 pack of beer on counter.)

    Me: “Hi, how’s it going? Can I see your ID?”

    Customer: “Sure!”

    Me: *checks DOB on ID.* “Uhh, ma’am? This says you’re only 17. I can’t sell you the beer.”

    Customer: “What! Let me see that!” *checks ID* “D*** it! I gave you the wrong one. Well, can I buy a pack of cigarettes?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not?”

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    Trouble Brewing

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