It Will Be All Right Angled On The Night

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Home Improvement, Uncategorized

(I had dealt with this customer three hours before this phone call to make an 16×20 frame. I’ve given them a copy of the bill so they can see all the information.)

Customer: “I think the girl who did my order made a mistake! I think she wrote the sizes in backwards.”

Me: “Backwards? Did she write 61×02?”

Customer: “No. Were it says ‘width’ she wrote 20, but the width is 16!

Me: “Did she write 16 as the height ma’am?”

Customer: “Yes! But that means the frame will be longer than wide.”

Me: “The frame looks the same on all sides ma’am. 20×16 and 16×20 are the same size. All they’ll have to do is turn it 90 degrees.”

Customer: “They’re smart enough to do that?”

No Sting In This Tale

| Silver Spring, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(Note: we sell fake jelly fish as tank decorations.)

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: “I want some jelly fish, but I need you to answer some questions first.”

Me: “Of course. Go for it.”

Customer: “How do I keep them alive in this plastic packaging?”

Me: “They aren’t alive.”

Customer: “So why are you trying to sell them?!”

Me: “They’re decorations. They’re made of plastic.”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know this?”

Me: “They are plastic, have a string attached to them, have a sign that says ‘plastic jelly fish’, and they say ‘made in china’ on them.”

Customer: *pause* “I’ll just take one of those castle decorations…”

You Gotta Be Flushing Kidding Me

| Chicago, IL, USA | Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you all have a public bathroom?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. It’s out of order.”

Customer: “What! What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Well, someone clogged to toilet with paper towels and it doesn’t flush.”

Customer: “Well, can I use it and not flush?”

Grandma Vs The Internet

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Rude & Risque, Technology, Uncategorized

(A customer brings in her desktop for repair.)

Customer: “Excuse me sir, can you help me? I’ve done something terrible.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

Customer: “Well, I was on the computer, and all of these naughty images started to pop up. Well, I didn’t want my grandkids thinking their grandma was into something nasty, so I started to delete things and well…I’ve deleted the internet!”

Me: “It will be alright, ma’am. I think we can save the internet.”

Drive Hoo

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant], how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”

Me: “Alright, that’ll be $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

(The customer drives to the window.)

Me: “That’s $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

*pause*

Me: “$12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “12.”

Customer: “Woo!”

Me: “09.”

Customer: “Hoo!”

Me: “12.09”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “…09.12″

Customer: “Hoowoo!”

Me: “90.21”

Customer: “Ooh-oow!”

Me: “Well played, sir.”

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