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    He Wants What He Wants

    | Michigan, USA |

    Camper: “Can I get a root beer float?”

    Me: “No, you can only order a single scoop cup or cone.”

    Camper: “So I can get one?”

    Me: “You can get a single scoop ice cream, cup or cone.”

    Camper: “So can I get a root beer float?”

    Me: “You can get a cup or cone, single scoop or ice cream. That’s what you can get. Got it?”

    Camper: *nods*

    Me: “So what are you getting?”

    Camper: “A root beer float.”

    Me: “Are you seriously not getting this?”

    Please, Please Listen To Yourself Talk

    | Detroit, MI, USA | Top

    (At our library, the computers are all self-sign up. All you have to do is type in your name and library card number. This is clearly posted on the side of the monitor. In walks a young woman and her boyfriend.)

    Young woman: “Can you help me with this?”

    Me: “What’s the problem?”

    Young woman: “I don’t know what to do.”

    Me: “The instructions are on the side of the monitor.”

    Young woman: “But why can’t you tell me how to do it?”

    Me: “Because it’s SELF-SIGN UP.”

    Young woman: “But I need help!”

    Me: “All you have to do is type in your name and library card number.”

    Young woman: “But do I have to read the screen?”

    Me: *confused* “Of… course. The screen tells you when to type in your information. You have to read the screen.”

    Young woman: “BUT I DIDN’T COME INTO THE LIBRARY TO READ!”

    Young woman’s boyfriend: *turns abruptly and walks out the door*

    Someone Needs To Go Back To School

    | Arizona, USA |

    Me: “Photography studio, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, hi, I just received a second notice…”

    Me: “… for your yearbook session?”

    Customer: “Yeah, well, for my daughter. I’m just calling to see if this is a scam.”

    Me: “No, ma’am, we work with your daughter’s high school. If she doesn’t have her photo taken within the next three weeks, it won’t appear in the yearbook.”

    Customer: “Oh… so do you offer a class?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You know, a class for parents who don’t really understand this whole process?”

    Me: “Well it’s really not that complicated. Your daughter just has to come to the studio and have her picture taken. It will probably only last twenty minutes. If you want more information on the sessions we sent out brochures with the first notice or you can go to our website.”

    Customer: “So… you don’t offer a class?”

    AARP Membership Comes With A Few Hidden Perks

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    (I was trying to put a dressing on the arm of a VERY confused but cute elderly man.)

    Me: “Just hold your arm out so I can wrap this around it.”

    Elderly patient: *reaches out his arm and grabs my right breast*

    Me: “Hey! You can’t do that!”

    Elderly patient: “But I like it…”

    Me: *laughs

    Definitely Not Right

    , | Costa Mesa, CA, USA | Top

    (Keep in mind I’m gay, although it’s not too obvious.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [ice cream shop]. What can I help you out with today?”

    Customer: “Hey there, I was wondering if I could have a raspberry sorbet in a sugar cone?”

    Me: “Cool. That’s going to be $1.39.”

    Customer: *seductive voice* “I was hoping you could lower the price for me. I’m a little low, if you know what I mean…”

    (The customer unbuttons the top two buttons on her blouse and bites her lip at me.)

    Me: “Ehhh. Sorry, ma’am. I can’t fall for that.”

    Customer: “What’s the matter? A little shy?” *bounces her boobs in my face*

    Me: “Because that’s not ethical, and I don’t like boobs.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “I’m gay!”

    Customer: “Oh my god! You’re sick! And you looked down my shirt, you pervert!”

    Me: “You undid your shirt to get free ice cream!”

    Customer: “Oh my god, sickos like you are just… just SICK! All men are filthy dogs. All you think about are naked girls and sex! I’m calling your manager to tell him what gross, perverted employees he has!” *leaves*

    Me, to coworker: “That… that wasn’t right, was it?”

    Coworker: “You should put that on notalwaysright.”

    Me: “I think I will.”

    (She never did call our manager.)

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