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    Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (A customer comes in with four very young kids.)

    Customer: “Does [R-rated police drama] have any nudity in it?”

    Me: “No, but it’s incredibly violent.”

    Customer: “…but there’s no sex or nudity, right?”

    Me: “No, it’s just really violent and bloody.”

    Customer: “I’ll have one adult and four kids, please!”

    Related: Getting Your Priorities Straight

    Our EQ Just Ate Your IQ

    , | Wisconsin, USA |

    (Our restaurant is in walking distance of an assisted living center so many of regulars are special needs adults. We get a regular group of four people who have to make their order the same way every time. The routine involves the four of them reading the menu board for about five minutes and then one of them ordering each of them a hamburger individually.)

    Me: “Hey! What can I get you?”

    Special Needs Adult: “I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

    (An agitated customer who has been standing in line behind the group the entire time chimes in.)

    Customer: “He would like four hamburgers. Can we hurry this up?”

    Special Needs Adult: “No! I would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger.”

    Customer: “Oh my god!”

    Me: “So if I got this right you would like a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger and a hamburger?”

    Special Needs Adult: “Yes, that’s right!”

    Me: “You know what I think you need? A high five!”

    Special Needs Adult: “You know I do!”

    (I high five the guy over the counter and the other three all take a turn getting a high five.)

    Customer: “This is just ridiculous!” *storms out of the store*

    Now That’s What I Call Customer Service

    | Florida, USA |

    (A customer used to come into the store about once or twice a month. She walks up to the new releases, and then proceeds into the center of the store where we don’t have many security cameras and stuffs the movies into her purse. We knew she had been doing it for quite some time, but we legally aren’t allowed to stop her. However, we got a new manager.)

    Me: “Just leave her alone, she’ll be gone soon.”

    Manager: “Watch this.”

    (The manager walks up to the woman as she finishes stuffing the movies into her purse.)

    Manager: *smiling* “Good evening, ma’am, can I help you steal anything else today?”

    (The customer goes white and runs out of store. She never shows up again.)

    The Aircraft Carrier Kind of Gives It Away

    | Maryland, USA | Military

    (This was at a government office on a Navy base.)

    Me: “***Program Office, *** speaking. Can I help you?”

    Caller: “Can I speak to the homeowner?”

    Me: “Sir, this is a naval base, not a residence.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?!”

    Those Pesky Survival Instincts

    | Wyoming, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for coming to **** National Park. I hope you enjoy your stay.”

    Customer: “Thank you. Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “When do you let the animals out?”

    Me: “It’s a national park, ma’am.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “The animals are wild.”

    Customer: “All of them?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s not very safe!” *walks away*

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