Special Sale: Half Price Gravity

| N. Mankato, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in customer service at a call center. We were running a promotion on engraved pens and the caller has decided she wants to buy 5000 pens. She inquires about shipping and upon hearing the price begins drilling me on the weight of the pens (233.33lbs) and the full cost of the order ($1,576.36).)

Me:“Okay, so shipping looks like it will be about $100.”

Customer:“Why so much?”

Me: “Well, as that is a very large number of metal pens. The weight will be about 233.33 pounds.”

Customer: “But why does it weigh so much?”

Me: “Because, ma’am, that’s 5000 metal pens.”

Customer: “But how much does that cost total?”

Me: “$1,576.36.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll call back tomorrow and see how much it weighs then.”

Faux Papa

| PA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [store name], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello! I was just wondering if I could return something to your store.”

Me: “Sure! That is no problem. Do you still have the receipt?”

Caller: “Yes I do.”

Me: “Than that should be no problem. Feel free to bring it in.”

Caller: “Oh, thank you so much. You see, I bought it for my son’s new baby, but it turns out that it’s not his…”

Cat-Nipped In The Bud

| VA, USA | Top

(I am talking to a first time cat owner about the cat she is interested in. Another woman walks in.)

Customer #1: “Now, do I have to clean them like I would a dog?”

Me: “No, generally cats will bathe themselves.”

Customer #2: “Actually, you will want to bathe them. We bath our cat once a week.”

Me: “Well, we normally recommend you don’t bathe a cat because most cats really hate water.”

Customer #2: “We bathe our cat all the time and it keeps her clean.”

Me: “I’m sure that works for you, but with a new cat you don’t know. I really suggest that this woman does not bathe the cat.”

Customer #2: “No! You should bathe the cat to keep it clean!”

(After several minutes of her insisting this, I eventually agree and she leaves. After checking that she is out of sight, I turn back to the first customer.)

Me: “Don’t bathe the cat.”

Customer #1: “I won’t.”

One Telepath On The Rocks

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I am handing off an iced tea to one of my regular customers.)

Me: *maintaining eye contact with my regular customer* “Here’s your drink!”

Random Other Customer: *yelling* “That’s not my drink!”

Me: “I know, its for [regular’s name].”

(I check the queue to find that there aren’t any more drinks to be made.)

Me: “What drink did you have?”

Random Other Customer: “Oh, I didn’t order yet.”

Catfish Caught His Tongue

| Gray, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I want fish.”

Me: “Alright, what kind of fish? We have catfish, tilapia, or grouper.”

Customer: “I just want fish.”

Me: “I have to know what kind you want.”

Customer: “I just want some d*** fish. How hard is that?”

Me: “Catfish it is. Whole or filet?”

Customer: “Whole is with the bones?”

Me: “Yes sir.”

Customer: “Filet. I don’t like bones.”

Me: “Alright.”

(I return ten minutes later with his order.)

Me: “Here you are sir. Any sauce or anything?”

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I’m allergic to fish!”

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