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    Behaving With Dis-Stain

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (When clothing comes out of the packaging, we steam it to remove the wrinkles before we put it on the sales floor. A customer picks up a shirt that I have just finished steaming.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you know what this stain is? Will it come out in the wash?”

    Me: “It’s water, from the steamer. Just give it a few minutes to dry, and the stain will be gone.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a few minutes. If I take it home and wash it, can I return it if the stain doesn’t come out?”

    Me: “No ma’am. Once the article has been washed we can no longer return it. It’s just water, I can assure you.”

    Customer: “Well, then can you wash it here?”

    (I go and soak it in the sink in our stock room, and hand the sopping wet shirt to the client.)

    Customer: “I asked you to wash it! Instead you just made the stain bigger!”

    It Will Be Kilo-Hours Before He Get’s It

    | Montreal, QC, Canada | Canada, Math & Science, Uncategorized

    Me: “Alright, your cell phone will be in service in twenty to thirty minutes.”

    Customer: “How much is that in American time?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “Well, in Canada you use the Metric system, right?”

    One Brain For The IQ Of None

    | London, UK | Books & Reading, Top

    Customer: “This sticker says 3 for 2. What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means that if you choose three books with that sticker on, the cheapest will be free. You get three books for the price of two.”

    Customer: “But what if I only want two books?”

    Me: “You don’t have to have to take a third book. You can just buy those two on their own. But you could get a free book to go with them; any book in the shop with that sticker on.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous, I don’t want 3 for 2. Why are you trying to make people read books they don’t want?”

    Me: “I can just sell you those two on their own. You don’t have to make use of the deal.”

    Customer: “But it says 3 for 2, so I’d be missing out on a book.”

    Me: “Well, you can choose a third book in the deal. Thenm you’ll get one for free.”

    Customer: “But I only want these two!”

    Me: “Ok, shall I put those two through the till for you?”

    Customer: “Are you trying to rip me off? I want my free book.”

    Me: *pause* “Would it help if I took the stickers off the covers, then they would just look like normal books?”

    Customer: “Right! Yes! They shouldn’t be 3 for 2 anyway! They’re really good!”

    Carrying A Lot Of Baggage

    | Kirkland, WA, US | At The Checkout, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    Me: “What kind of bag would you like?”

    Customer: *without hesitation* “A hot blonde with blue eyes, 6 feet tall, smart, and successful.”

    Me: “Me and you both, buddy. But you’re in luck, as it just so happens our bags are tan and blue. Will that be okay?”

    Customer: “That’s fine. It’s better than what I have back at home.”

    Tricks Of The Trade

    | Denmark | Liars & Scammers, Technology, Top

    Me: “Welcome to [company name] hotline. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “My name is [name]. I’ve ordered mobile broadband weeks ago, but I didn’t receive squat!”

    Me: “Let me just check with customer service to see what we can do about that. Do you mind holding?”

    (I put the caller on hold and dial customer services. They check the tracking number for his modem and it seems he has already picked it up from his local post office. He is trying to get a free modem out of us.)

    Me: “Hi, I’m back. Looks like I’ve got a solution to your problem. Try to open the mobile partner software on your desktop.” (This is software that automatically installs itself first time you plug in the mobile broadband modem.)

    Caller: “Sure, no problem.”

    (I briefly explain to the customer that he couldn’t have done that without receiving the modem.)

    Caller: “I want to talk to your manager!”

    (I hand the call to my manager.)

    Caller: “Your employee tried to trick me! Now what are you going to do about it?”

    Manager: “Promote him?”

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