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    Of All The Lies To Tell

    | Evansville, IN, USA | Top

    Snooty customer: “I want a milkshake, but I want it made THICK. Last time I had a shake here, it was like drinking ice cream flavored water!”

    Me: “I can assure you that I can make you a very thick milkshake, ma’am. What flavor would you like?”

    Snooty customer: “A milkshake! I want a milkshake!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. What FLAVOR of milkshake would you like?”

    Snooty customer: “I told you I wanted an extra chocolaty chocolate one!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. One extra chocolaty chocolate milkshake, thick.”

    (I fill the milkshake cup with chocolate ice cream and use hot fudge sauce instead of chocolate syrup. I add maybe a tablespoon of milk. I get it mixed up, ring her up and she leaves. A few minutes later she returns, cuts in front of about 10 people waiting in line and slams her milkshake on the counter.)

    Snooty customer: “I want to talk to a manager! I want to know why no one here can do their d*** job!”

    Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

    Snooty customer: “I told that girl there I wanted a normal chocolate milkshake, and this is so thick I can’t get it through the straw! I just gave myself a headache trying to drink this thing! I demand double my money back, a free milkshake and some Ibuprofen!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I was standing right behind her when you placed your order. She made you what you asked for. An extra chocolaty shake that was thick. I am not returning your money or giving you a new milkshake.”

    Snooty customer: “But, my husband is Dr. *** and I always get what I want!”

    (Suddenly, another customer who has been standing in line and watching the whole thing speaks up.)

    Another customer: “Excuse me B****, but Dr. *** is my BROTHER and you sure as h*** aren’t his wife, you d*** liar!”

    Snooty customer: *leaves in a huff*

    (My manager gave the other customer her entire order on the house. She deserved it, whether it was true or not.)

    If No Scone, Then Insta-Crone

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    Customer: “I would like a tall coffee and a lemon cranberry scone, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I just sold the last scone to another customer. Would you like a pumpkin scone or a white chocolate blueberry scone instead?”

    Customer: “What? No! I come here every morning and get a tall coffee and scone! I DEMAND you get me a scone! Look in the backroom, I need my scone!”

    (I go to the back room to check for a scone, although I knew we didn’t have any.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, we just don’t have any more lemon scones. Would you like anything else from the pastry fridge?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you sold my scone to someone else! You ruined my morning!”

    Me: “There is another location near here… maybe they will have a scone for you. I can even call them if you want so they can set it aside for yo–”

    Customer: “Do you think I have time for that? I run on a schedule!”

    (The customer who had bought the last scone notices the situation and comes over.)

    Nice customer: “Listen, if you want the scone so bad, just take mine. Seriously I didn’t even touch it… just take it.”

    Customer: “NO, THANK YOU!” *storms off*

    Bad Pickup Lines Revisited

    | Midland, MI, USA |

    (I was on the phone with a customer who was asking about underwear.  Keep in mind that I am female.)

    Me: “Hello, this is ***. How may I help you?”

    Male customer: “Yes, I’m looking for pink underwear.”

    Me: “Okay, are you looking for men or women?”

    Male customer: “Women.”

    Me: “Alright, we have many types of pink underwear. Do you know what kind you are looking for?”

    Male customer: “No, what kinds do you have?”

    (I proceed to list off the types of ladies underwear that come in pink.)

    Male customer: “Um, okay. What kind of underwear are you wearing?”

    Me: “Is that really necessary?”

    Male customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “No, it’s not.” *click*

    Related:
    Bad Pickup Lines, Parte Deux
    One Bad Pickup Line, A Hundred Stitches

    When Quacks Attack

    | La Crosse, WI, USA |

    (I worked at a zoo next to a nature trail through some wetlands. It’s not part of the zoo, just a good view.)

    Them: “Hey, we just love that walking trail.”

    Me: “That’s great.”

    Them: “Yeah, but I was wondering. How do you keep the animals in place?”

    Me: “Well, we have cages for that.”

    Them: “No, out there, on the trail.”

    Me: “Those are wild animals, ma’am.”

    Them: “Really? But they were sitting so nicely!”

    Me: “Ducks tend to do that.”

    Kids, This Is What We Call “Scapegoating”

    | Orange, CA, USA | Top

    Kid: “Mommy, I want this candy!”

    Mom: “No, you can’t have the candy. Put it back.”

    Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

    Mom: “You can’t have it!”

    Kid: “I WANT THIS CANDY!”

    (At this point, the mom takes the candy from the kid and hands it to me.)

    Mom: *points at me* “The bad man took the candy! You can’t have it because the bad man took it!”

    Kid: *in tears* “Why did you take the candy?!”

    Me: *speechless*

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