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  • Gave Them A Rude Awakening
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  • February Theme Of The Month: Hazardous Customers!
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    Go Flush

    | Connecticut, USA |

    Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I need some more goldfish. I keep losing them.”

    Me: “You lose them? How do you lose your goldfish?”

    Customer: “They keep escaping when I clean the tank.”

    Me: “I’m afraid I don’t understand. How do they escape?”

    Customer: “Well, when I clean the tank I put ‘em in the toilet. When I come back, one of them’s always swum down the hole!”

    Me: “I’m going to need to go over a few things with you before I sell you the fish.”

    Inn-Experienced Guest

    | Olympia, WA, USA |

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a room for the night.”

    Me: “Okay, the rate for tonight is [price].”

    Customer: *confused*”You mean it’s not free?”

    Me: “No, it’s [price].”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Not free?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Do the people upstairs know about this?”

    Me: “Yes. They all paid the same thing.”

    Customer: *walking away* “Crazy people.”

    Related:
    Inn-Experienced Dialer

    Psychic Psycho(Deli)c

    | Loxahatchee, FL, USA |

    Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: I”’d like half a pound of [brand that we carry] ham, and a quarter of a pound of [brand we do NOT carry] Swiss cheese.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we don’t carry the brand of cheese you were looking for. Can I get you something else?”

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t carry it? I just bought it here last week!”

    Me: “But we don’t carry it ma’am. We do have about five other Swiss cheeses to choose from.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? I’m looking right at the cheese I want!”

    (I walk around the counter to see her pointing at the regular brand of cheese that we’ve always carried, not the brand she was asking for.

    Me: “Oh, you asked for a different brand. I’m sorry about that, I’ll just go ahead and cut it.”

    Customer: “No , this is what I meant I wanted. You should have known!”

    Me: “I should have known what you really wanted when you said you wanted something else?”

    Customer: “Of course! Isn’t that part of your job?”

    Not Quite Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

    | Oklahoma, USA |

    (A customer and her 8 year old son approach me.)

    Customer: “My son peed on one of your aisles.”

    Customer’s son: *shouting* “I peed myself!”

    Customer: “Stop yelling!”

    Customer’s son: “I peed myself! I peed myself! I peed myself!”

    Me: “Why did you pee yourself?”

    Customer’s son: “My mom was taking to long and I told her I had to pee and she said ok so I peed myself. Am I in trouble?”

    Me: “No. We will just get this cleaned up. Just make sure next time you find the bathroom okay?”

    Customer’s son: “Okay. Where’s the bathroom? I gotta poop too.”

    No Intelligence Inside

    | Pottstown, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [second hand store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ve been trying to find games for my computer and I was wondering if you had any?”

    Me: “We have plenty of computer games. What kind of operating system are you running?”

    Customer: “Huh? It’s um…it’s a [computer brand].”

    Me: “Okay, but which operating system do you use?”

    Customer: “It’s a…[retail store]?”

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