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    Ordering Meatballs, Talking Baloney

    | Manchester, CT, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I would like a sandwich.”

    Me: “Sure, what sandwich would you like?”

    Customer: “I want a hot sandwich.”

    Me: “Okay, do you mean heated or spicy?”

    Customer: “Oh heated, I don’t like spicy. So I will have meatball.”

    Me: “Sure, would that be six-inch or foot-long?”

    Customer: “Uhm…whole please.”

    Me: “Okay, foot-long? What type of bread?”

    Customer: “White.”

    Me: “We don’t have white, but we have Italian.”

    Customer: “Fine, whatever. Oh, and I think my daughter wants a sandwich too.”

    Me: “What type of sandwich does she want?”

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know? She’s not here!”

    Don’t Bet On This One

    | Canterbury, UK | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Wow, this wheel spins around and I think you put a ball in it.”

    Me: “Yes madam, it’s a roulette wheel.”

    Customer: “And what’s the point. Do you have to guess the numbers?”

    Me: “Some people actually bet on the outcome as well.”

    Customer: “That’s an awesome idea. They should have those in casinos!”

    The Sun Is Such A Slacker Sometimes, Part 2

    | Green Bay, WI, USA | Math & Science, Uncategorized

    ( I work near to a city park where a lot of events like fairs or public concerts are held.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “You will be shooting off fireworks tonight, right?”

    Me: “We won’t be, but yes, the city is setting off fireworks.”

    Caller: “When is that going to happen? When have you scheduled it?”

    Me:  “We aren’t scheduling it, but my guess is the city will be shooting them off at around sunset.”

    Caller:  “Well, when is that going to happen?”

    Me: “I don’t know ma’am.Wwe aren’t in charge of that. Perhaps you want to try calling the park and rec department?”

    Caller: “How can you not know when you scheduled the sun to set?”

    Related:
    The Sun Is Such A Slacker Sometimes

    Scareware Makes Us Aware

    | Perth, Australia | Health & Body, Technology, Top

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Patient: “Um. I think I have an STI.”

    Me: “Okay. What symptoms do you have that makes you think that?”

    Patient: “Well, I don’t really know. My computer told me to be here.”

    Me: “Oh, did you do a self-analysis online?”

    Patient: “No. I’m not sure. I’m here, I need to be here!”

    Me: “Exactly what did your computer tell you?”

    Patient: “Don’t judge me! Stop it! I need to be here!”

    Me: “I can assure you that I am not judging you. Can you explain to me exactly what happened before you came here?”

    Patient: “Well, I was looking at some porn last night online and this morning I turned my computer on and it told me I have a virus!”

    Me: “Uh.”

    Patient: “Stop judging me!”

    How To Kill ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’

    | Cape Cod, MA, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

    (A teenage girl and her mother enter the store and walk over to the counter.)

    Me: “Hello, can I help you with something?”

    Teen: “Yeah, like, do you have, like, To Kill a Mockingbird?”

    Me: “Yes we do. If you could follow me please.”

    (I lead them to the book’s location, where we have two different copies.)

    Teen: “Mom, pick the smaller one!”

    Mother: “Honey, you that doesn’t make the story shorter, right?”

    Teen: “Oh.”

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