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    Never Send A Man…Period

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Health & Body, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

    (A male customer is in the feminine hygiene aisle and has requested to speak to a female employee.)

    Me: “Hi, can I help you with something?”

    Customer: *obviously embarrassed* “I need some ‘female products’.”

    Me: “Okay, you’re in the right place. This is all our selection.”

    Customer: “Really?” *points to the pads* “I don’t think these will work. They all look so small.”

    Me: “Well, most women prefer that. But if you want something different, the tampons are right here as well.”

    Customer: “Oh, gross. No, I would rather these but bigger, so they’ll work.”

    Me: “This is really all we have.”

    Customer: “Hmm, what about some diapers or something like that? Do you have those?”

    Me: “What? Do you mean baby diapers? Sir, I really don’t think that’s what you want.”

    Customer: “You’re right, they probably cost twice as much anyways. I think I’m going to tell my wife to come in after work and figure this out herself.”

    Me: “I think that’s a very good idea, sir.”

    Finally Gets The Joint

    | Portland, OR, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Uncategorized

    (A customer enters the shop and smells strongly of marijuana.)

    Customer: “Can I get a pack of cigarette papers?”

    Me: “Sure. Do you need any loose cigarette tobacco?”

    Customer: “Why would I want that?”

    Me: “For the cigarette papers.”

    Customer: “What? You can make cigarettes with them?!”

    Networking Not Working

    | Victoria, Australia | Technology, Uncategorized

    Caller: “I hope this won’t take much time.”

    Me: “It won’t, ma’am, it’s only a few simple steps. First of all, I need you to double click on My Computer.”

    Caller: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, our records show you running a Windows computer. Has that changed?”

    Caller: “I don’t think so.”

    Me: “Okay, now just double click on My Computer for me please.”

    Caller: “How can I do that?”

    Me: “It should be right there in front of you. Make sure all other windows are closed down and you should, hopefully, see it in the top left corner.”

    Caller: “How am I suppose to click on your computer? You must be like hundreds of miles away!”

    Ordering Meatballs, Talking Baloney

    | Manchester, CT, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, I would like a sandwich.”

    Me: “Sure, what sandwich would you like?”

    Customer: “I want a hot sandwich.”

    Me: “Okay, do you mean heated or spicy?”

    Customer: “Oh heated, I don’t like spicy. So I will have meatball.”

    Me: “Sure, would that be six-inch or foot-long?”

    Customer: “Uhm…whole please.”

    Me: “Okay, foot-long? What type of bread?”

    Customer: “White.”

    Me: “We don’t have white, but we have Italian.”

    Customer: “Fine, whatever. Oh, and I think my daughter wants a sandwich too.”

    Me: “What type of sandwich does she want?”

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know? She’s not here!”

    Don’t Bet On This One

    | Canterbury, UK | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Wow, this wheel spins around and I think you put a ball in it.”

    Me: “Yes madam, it’s a roulette wheel.”

    Customer: “And what’s the point. Do you have to guess the numbers?”

    Me: “Some people actually bet on the outcome as well.”

    Customer: “That’s an awesome idea. They should have those in casinos!”

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