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    Now You Know How We Feel

    | New York, USA |

    (It’s Sunday and I’m dressed up because I just came from church. I’m shopping at the local bed and bath store.)

    Customer: “Excuse me? Where are the curtain rods?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Excuse me?!”

    Me: “I don’t work here, ma’am, so I don’t know where the curtain rods are. I can help you find someone who does, though.”

    Customer: “This is unacceptable. Show me where the curtain rods are.”

    Me: “I hate to break this to you, but I really don’t work here. I think there is a help desk over there, though.”

    Customer: *calls husband over* “Can you set her straight? I’m trying to find curtain rods and she refuses to help me!”

    Husband: “Look, you are getting paid far to much money to be screwing around! Now, my wife asked you something very simple. She cannot seem to find the curtain rods. Show us where they are, or we will call your manager.”

    Me: “Sir, I am sorry, but I don’t work here. I don’t know where they are.”

    Husband: “I can tell a worker when I see one. No one but workers wears suits.”

    Me: “I wear them for church, sir.”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Yes, I’m wearing a suit because I just came from church with my family. I’m sorry I can’t help you.”

    Customer: “I hate this store.”

    Husband: “I know, honey, I know. Let’s just go. We can get curtain rods online!”

    (I feel so sorry for the people who actually work here.)

    A Little Bit Too Specific

    | Pasadena, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Hi, you know your stock pretty well, right?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Customer: “My wife is divorcing me, but her birthday is next week. I need a card for that.”

    Me: “…I don’t think they really make a card for that occasion.”

    … And We Wonder Why Everyone Hates Us, Part Two

    | Birmingham, AL, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for something that ain’t made in China. This one says made in EU… what’s that mean?”

    Me: “It means it’s made in the European Union.”

    Customer: “Billy! Billy come quick! This lady says Europe’s a union now!

    Me: “No, ma’am, it means…”

    Billy: “Europe united? ”

    Me: “Sir, the European Union is…”

    Billy: “‘Bout g*d**n time. It was them d*** countries that started the war!”

    Priorities

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    (I work at the call centre for a major tollway, which has two long tunnels. One day there is a major accident in the tunnel, with a fuel fire and multiple fatalities, obviously closing it. Twenty minutes later, I receive a call.)

    Caller: “They are directing me off the tollway… there weren’t any signs about this.”

    Me: “That’s right, there’s been a major accident in the tunnel. However, the police, ambulance and fire service are all in attendance. The road is closed while they evacuate it.”

    Caller: “But there are no signs about it! You always have signs when there’s a closure!”

    Me: “If it’s a scheduled closure, we put signs up. Half an hour ago there was a major accident… I believe there has been a fatality. They are currently evacuating the tunnel and no one is able to drive through at the moment.”

    Caller: “Half an hour? That means you should have signs up by now!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, the maintenance crew who puts up the signs are assisting with the evacuation at the tunnel.”

    Caller: “I don’t care about the accident, you should have signs!”

    Me: “Tell that to the people trapped in the tunnel. Thanks for your call.”

    Of All The Lies To Tell

    | Evansville, IN, USA | Top

    Snooty customer: “I want a milkshake, but I want it made THICK. Last time I had a shake here, it was like drinking ice cream flavored water!”

    Me: “I can assure you that I can make you a very thick milkshake, ma’am. What flavor would you like?”

    Snooty customer: “A milkshake! I want a milkshake!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. What FLAVOR of milkshake would you like?”

    Snooty customer: “I told you I wanted an extra chocolaty chocolate one!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. One extra chocolaty chocolate milkshake, thick.”

    (I fill the milkshake cup with chocolate ice cream and use hot fudge sauce instead of chocolate syrup. I add maybe a tablespoon of milk. I get it mixed up, ring her up and she leaves. A few minutes later she returns, cuts in front of about 10 people waiting in line and slams her milkshake on the counter.)

    Snooty customer: “I want to talk to a manager! I want to know why no one here can do their d*** job!”

    Manager: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

    Snooty customer: “I told that girl there I wanted a normal chocolate milkshake, and this is so thick I can’t get it through the straw! I just gave myself a headache trying to drink this thing! I demand double my money back, a free milkshake and some Ibuprofen!”

    Manager: “Ma’am, I was standing right behind her when you placed your order. She made you what you asked for. An extra chocolaty shake that was thick. I am not returning your money or giving you a new milkshake.”

    Snooty customer: “But, my husband is Dr. *** and I always get what I want!”

    (Suddenly, another customer who has been standing in line and watching the whole thing speaks up.)

    Another customer: “Excuse me B****, but Dr. *** is my BROTHER and you sure as h*** aren’t his wife, you d*** liar!”

    Snooty customer: *leaves in a huff*

    (My manager gave the other customer her entire order on the house. She deserved it, whether it was true or not.)

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