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    Like Father, Like Run

    | Arkansas, USA |

    (A man brings in his father, who didn’t speak a word of English.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, how much are your rooms?”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have rooms here.”

    Customer: “Oh, not your room, sorry. I mean, how much does it cost for you to take care of my father?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “He has some issues and, frankly, I don’t think I want him around anymore.”

    Me: “Sir, this is not a hotel or a nursing home.”

    Customer: “This isn’t Social Services?”

    Me: “No, this is [non-profit] Social Services, and we don’t offer what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “Look, how much is it going to cost me to leave here today without my father with me?”

    Not So Sharp

    | United Kingdom |

    Caller “Hi, I asked you to pierce my daughter’s ears earlier, but apparently you won’t do it. I think that’s unacceptable!”

    (Note: the caller sounds about 14.)

    Me: “Okay, I’m sorry about that. If I can just confirm some details with you, I’ll note it down and you can send her back in. Can I get her name and date of birth?”

    (The caller confirms the name, and the date of birth as the 10th April 1996.)

    Me: “And can I confirm your date of birth please?”

    Caller “The 12th, of September, 1996.”

    Me: “…1996?”

    Caller *hangs up*

    See No Evil, Speak The Rest

    | USA |

    (An elderly customer is checking out.)

    Customer: “How do I use this card?”

    Me: “All you have to do is slide it through, then push the ‘debit’ button on the left.”

    Customer: ”Thanks. What does ‘PIN’ mean?”

    Me: “Your pin number is the number that goes with your card. You just need to enter it in and hit the green button in the corner.”

    Customer: “Okay, but turn around. I don’t need you stealing my money away.”

    (I think she is joking, but she stares at me until I turn around. She then states each number in her pin out loud as she pushes the buttons.)

    Customer: “You didn’t peek, did you?”

    Hear No Evil Get Blinded By No Evil
    See No Evil, Grope No Evil

    Cooking In High Definition

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    Customer: “I will take one of these.” *points to a small white microwave oven*

    Me: “Certainly, sir. Come right this way.”

    (The customer goes to the checkout counter and pays for goods.)

    Customer: “So, will I need an antenna for this?”

    Hysterically Wrong

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Customer: “Please connect me to the Dental Clinic. I need a hysterectomy.”

    Me: “Are you sure you want the Dental Clinic? They don’t do hysterectomies there.”

    Customer: “Just connect me. I think I have that part of the body figured out by now.”

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