October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

The Cup Is Definitely Half Empty

| North Syracuse, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(A woman and her twelve year-old son are buying hockey equipment.)

Me: “Okay, you’ll also need a cup & supporter for him.”

Customer: “How do I know what size he needs?”

Me: “The supporter is based on his waist size. Do you know his waist size?”

Customer: “Yes, but how do I know what size the cup should be for him?”

Me: “Well, you’d know better than me! I’d recommend the teen size.”

Customer: “No. If he’s anything like his father, he’ll need an extra-small.”

Male To Female Adapter

| Dublin, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Um…. I need some… *whispers* tampons?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Some tampons please.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I think you have the wrong store.”

Customer: “No, I don’t. My husband told me to come here and get them!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We don’t sell those here.”

Customer: “But you have to. He said he got some here last week.”

(I realize she probably means tapcons, which are masonry screws.)

Me: “Do you mean tapcons?”

Customer: “Yeah, that could be it. I don’t know why he told me to get tampons. That doesn’t make any sense.”

Love Isn’t As Priceless As It Used To Be

| Little Rock, AR, USA | Uncategorized

(I work in a toy store where customers can custom build their own stuffed animals. A father and young daughter approach.)

Me: “Welcome to [toy store], have you picked out an animal to be stuffed today?”

Little girl: “Yes!”

(We proceed to stuff the bear and the little girl grabs one of the ‘push to talk’ buttons and hands it to me.)

Me: “Okay, you want to get the I love you button put in today?”

Father: “Hold on a second. Baby, what’s this thing?”

Little girl: “He puts it in the bear for me and when you push it, it says I love you!

Father: “How much does this thing cost?”

Me: “Five dollars, sir.”

Father: “S***! For five dollars, baby, I’ll tell you I love you! Go put that thing back.”


| New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “This f***ing computer won’t work!”

Me: “Can you describe the problem?”

Caller: “Whenever I click on something, this stupid little hourglass won’t go away!”

Me: “Are you sure it’s not frozen?”

Caller: “You think this is some kind of joke! I don’t leave my computer in the snow!”

(I try to explain several times what the term ‘frozen’ means.)

Caller: “So, how do I heat it up? Never mind! Why do I even call you people? I’ll just stick it in the microwave to heat it up. Thanks for nothing!” *hangs up*

The Wisdom To Know The Difference

, | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Top

(I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

Customer: “You’d better!”

(Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “Where’s the f***ing ranch?”

Employee: “Right away, sir!”

Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

Wife, to the employee: “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

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