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    Sick Of Waiting

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Uncategorized

    (A woman is several places back in line is with her son who is about 8 years old.)

    Customer’s Son: “Mom? I don’t feel good.”

    Customer: “Hang on, honey. Mommy is going to get her coffee and then she will take you to the restroom.”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom? I feel really sick.”

    (I look up and see the boy is very pale and breathing heavy.)

    Me: “Ma’am? If you would like to take your son to the restroom, we will save your place in line.”

    Customer: “No, it’s okay. We will wait.”

    Customer’s Son: “Mom. I really need the bathroom. I don’t feel good.”

    Customer: “Honey, just wait. We’ll be done in a few minutes.”

    My manager: “Ma’am, please take your son to the restroom. We’ll make your drink while you are in there. On the house. Please!”

    Customer: “No! He will have to wait.”

    (The customer’s son begins to gag and the customers near him move away from, all of them begging her to take him to the restroom immediately. A few even offer to take him themselves.)

    Customer: “I said No! He is just doing this for attention. If you ignore him he will stop.”

    Me: “Ma’am, for the last time. Please take your son to the–”

    (Customer’s son bends over and begins vomiting on the floor.)

    My manager: “Please! Get him out of here!”

    Customer: “But I don’t want to lose my place in line.”

    My manager: “Ma’am, either get him to the restroom or get him outside. Now!”

    Customer: *in a huff* “Well, fine! He’s only doing this for attention!”

    (The customer comes out 5 minutes later leading her fully recovered son by the hand. As I a finish mopping her the boy’s breakfast off the floor she collects her free coffee drink, smiles and leaves, calling out…)

    Customer: “Thank you very much. See you all tomorrow!”

    Stupidity Comes In Different Wavelengths

    | New England, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Uncategorized

    (I am a lifeguard at my local water park, and we are required to scan pools with our eyes following our hand.)

    Customer: “Hello!”

    Me: “Hi sir, can I help you find something?” *continues scanning*

    Customer: “Yes, I have a question. Are you controlling the waves in this pool with your hand?”

    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded, Part 2

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

    Customer:  “Gimme 1 tall coffee.”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like room for cream?”

    Customer: “No, d*** it! I just want American coffee; no ice cream, mayonnaise, whipped cream or any of that crap! Can’t I just buy a d*** cup of American coffee!?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir.  What flavor would you like today?”

    Customer: “Sumatra.”

    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded

    Big Bother

    | United Kingdom | Extra Stupid, Politics, Top

    (A young girl of 18 or 19, clearly a first-time voter, skips the line and rushes up to my table.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait. There’s a line.”

    Voter: “I’m sorry, but it’s important! I need to get my ballot paper back. I voted for the wrong person!”

    Me: “Alright, give me the spoiled one.”

    Voter: “I can’t. I put it in the box.”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t get it back. The boxes can’t be opened until the end of voting at ten o’clock.”

    Voter: “But I didn’t know! I don’t want the Conservatives to get in so I voted for [Conservative candidate]. I should have voted for someone else!”

    Me: “Um, why did you vote for the Conservative?”

    (The girl turns scarlet and looks utterly miserable.)

    Voter: “I thought it was like TV where you vote them off!”

    Purple Digital Rain

    | Cape Town, South Africa | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hey there, can you help me find a book?”

    Me:“Of course, ma’am. Do you know the author or title?”

    Customer: “Well you see, I was at the beach and I saw this girl reading a purple book. She looked like she was really enjoying it! I want that book.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to be more specific. There are a lot of books with purple covers.”

    Customer: “Can’t you search on your computer for purple books?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, no.”

    Customer: “I’ll go to a bookstore that has better computers.”