They Don’t Call Her Dumblesnore For Nothing

| USA | Top

(Someone has been sleeping on a chair poolside for many hours. It’s routine to wake a customer if they’re getting too badly burned.)

Me: “Excuse me, miss? You must wake up. You are getting badly sunburned.”

Customer: *sleepily* “Where am I? Is this Hogwarts?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Narnia?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “Camp Half-Blood?”

Me: “Not even close.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well s***, then.”

Trouble Brewing

| Arkansas, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer puts beer on the table to buy.)

Me: “Can I see your ID please, sir?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have it.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell this to you. You have to have a valid ID.”

Customer: “Can’t you tell I’m 21?”

Me: “Yes, sir, but policy requires me to ID you if you look under 40.”

Customer: “Well, I have this…will it work? You guys have taken it before when I bought beer.”

(Customer hands me a pink government paper with his name and information on it.)

Me: “What is this?”

Customer: “My DUI report.”

Bawk-Bawk-Moooooo

| Georgia, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I was reading your menu. What is a smoked half-chicken?”

Me: “It’s half of a chicken that has been smoked over pecan wood.”

Customer: “What kind of chicken?”

Me: “Do you mean flavor? We don’t put any sauce on it…it’s served plain.”

Customer: “No…I mean what kind of chicken?”

Me: “Well, they just cut a whole chicken in half so you get the white and dark meat.”

Customer: “No! I mean, is it like from a cow or what?!”

Now Hiring: Paramarketers

| Nevada, USA | Uncategorized

(I work as a receptionist at my father’s company. I had a brother who passed away before I was born.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [name of company]. How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to speak to [name of owner].”

Me: “All right, sir, what’s your name and purpose of your call?”

Customer: “Oh, he knows me. I’m his son.”

Me: “Michael? You’re alive!”

Customer: *click*

Where’s A Real Live Robot When You Need One

| Fort Collins, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thanks for calling [credit card company], my name is ***. Can I get your first and last name, please?”

Caller: “I wanted to talk to the computer.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the reason you got me is because [credit card company] is wanting to take care of you personally and let you know about–”

Caller: “I want to talk to the computer, not a person! I don’t like talking to people.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I’ve already got your account info up on the screen. I can give you the same info the computer lady can.”

Caller: “No! I want to talk to the computer! I don’t want to talk to a d*** agent! I wanted to get my balance from the computer!”

Me: “Ma’am, since I’ve got it up already, would you like me to just give you the info so you don’t have to call back? You’d still get an agent if you did.”

Caller: “NO! I WANT TO TALK TO THE COMPUTER!” *click*

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