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  • Talking At-At Cross Purposes
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    The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies

    | San Jose, CA, USA |

    (A customer orders an iced drink.  They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)

    Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”

    Customer: “But I want my round lid!”

    Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”

    Customer: “Ooohhh…”

    The Devil Is In The De-Tails

    | Ohio, USA |

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to make an appointment for a dismemberment.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I want to bring in my dog for a dismemberment!”

    Me: “Oh! You must mean a distemper shot.”

    Customer: “Yes! Now, when can I get my dog dismembered?”

    Gastrointestinalcentrism

    | Reno, NV, USA | Food & Drink

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Mexican Grill, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hello, do you have mashed potatoes?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. This is a Mexican restaurant.”

    Caller: “Oh. Do you have lasagna?”

    Me: “No, ma’am… this is a MEXICAN restaurant.”

    (The customer finally orders some tacos.)

    Me: “Anything else, ma’am?”

    Caller: “Do you have spaghetti?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. We don’t have spaghetti.”

    Caller: “WHAT KIND OF A RESTAURANT IS THIS?” *click*

    $20k A Year For Beer And Bongs

    , | Midland, MI, USA |

    (A bunch of college-aged frat-looking boys walk into the shoe store while I’m shopping there.)

    Dude 1: “Duuuuuude this store smells like something.”

    Dude 2: “I know dude, it smells like shoes!”

    Getting A Word In Edgewise

    | Adelaide, Australia | Top

    Customer: “I want to see that brooch.”

    Me: “Here it is–”

    Customer: “How much is it?”

    Me: “Well, it’s–”

    Customer: “You don’t need to know where I get my money from!”

    Me: “Oh, okay. Well, it costs–”

    Customer: “I’m on a disability pension.”

    Me: “It costs thirty–”

    Customer: “And it’s none of your business why!”

    Me: “Thirty five dol–”

    Customer: “I had an accident and broke my leg.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Do you want to know why I’m buying this?”

    Me: “Umm… no, it’s okay.”

    Customer: “BECAUSE GREEN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR!”

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