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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Someone’s Not Getting Any Tonight

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    Customer: “I like these glasses. They make me look more smarter!”

    Customer’s boyfriend: “Yeah, well looks can be deceiving.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Fun With Hypocrites

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Me: “That’ll be $49.95, thank you sir.”

    (Customer takes out his credit card and his reward benefits card from his wallet and pointedly separates them before handing them over. I take the cards.)

    Customer: “No, you can’t touch the cards together like that, it ruins the magnetic strip.”

    Me: “Oh it’s okay, the strips on these cards are very durable.”

    (I continue on with the transaction.)

    Customer: “Are you deaf? I said don’t touch them together!! You’ll ruin my cards!”

    Me: “Sir, trust me–you could put a strong magnet on these cards and they wouldn’t be damaged. Touching them together is not going to affect them.”

    Customer: “Well, the customer is always right, so don’t touch my cards together, okay?!”

    Me: “Okay, okay, geez.”

    (I make a big show of keeping the cards separate.)

    Customer: “The service here is terrible.”

    Me: “Whatever.”

    (I hand his cards back, still making a show of keeping them separate. The customer then proceeds to put them back in his wallet, in the same flap, so they are rubbing against each other through a thin piece of material.)

    Me, trying not to laugh: “You just put them together in your wallet.”

    Customer: *embarrassed* “Yeah well…shut up and do your job!”

    Sorry, Mom And Dad

    | Norcross, GA, USA |

    Regular at store: “Hey, I have a question.”

    Me: “Ok, what can I help you with.”

    Regular: “Do y’all have homeless people come in here often?”

    (Indicates couple reading news paper in the corner. I can’t see their faces.)

    Me: “Umm, no. Why?”

    Regular: “Oh, they just came in sat down like they wanted no one to see them and took your newspaper.”

    Me: “Well I can’t ask them to leave unless they are bothering you. Do you want me to ask them for the newspaper? I can since they aren’t paying cust–”

    Regular: “Oh no, I was just wondering if homeless people came in here often.”

    (I look back to the corner again and I can see their faces now.)

    Me: “Um, sir, those are my parents.”

    (He did not come back for about six months.)

    And Whose Fault Is That?

    | Toronto, Canada |

    Me: “Welcome to [name of magazine], how can I help you?

    Customer: “Hi, we just got a bill for an ad in your fall issue and I thought we had already paid and our contract was over.”

    Me: “Let me get the insertion order.”

    (I get the order.)

    Me: “It says here you’ve signed up for a full year contract including our fall and winter issues.”

    Customer: “But we’re not even open in the fall or the winter.”

    Me: “But you signed for the contract.”

    Customer: “Well, I didn’t read what I was signing…”

    Yeah, And I’d Like A Unicorn

    | Aberdeen, WA, USA |

    (Customer walks onto the lot looking for a car.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I am looking for a cheap car that will go forever on a tank of gas and will last forever, so I don’t have to take it for any tune ups.

    Me: “Me too. In fact let me know when you find it, and I’ll make a better offer on it!”

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