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    Television, Vision Insurance, Same Difference

    | Latham, NY, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***** Vision, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “I need someone to come look at my TV.”

    Me: “Sir, this is a vision insurance company, not television repair.”

    Caller: “When can you send someone out?”

    Me: “Sir, we cannot do that. We don’t repair TVs.”


    Me: “He can’t help you either, sir.”

    Caller: “F**K YOU! I SAY F**K YOU!” *click*

    Suddenly, I Feel Very Sorry For Her Child

    | Colorado, USA |

    Woman: Excuse me, I’ve lost my child somewhere in the store.

    Me: “Okay, I’ll get someone right away.”

    (I call in a code yellow.)

    Me: “Okay, how old is your child?”

    Woman: “She’d just turned three. Ooohhh, what if she’s been kidnapped?”

    Me: “Don’t worry, I’m sure that’s not the case.”

    (Security comes up to talk to her and she turns around.)

    Security: “Ma’am, how many children do you have?”

    Woman: “Just one, why?”

    Security: “Because your child is on your back.”

    (She was wearing one of those harnesses.)

    Customer: Impossible

    | Chicago suburbs, IL, USA |

    Old man: “I need a new phone! But I don’t want all those fancy bells and whistles on it!”

    Me: “Ok, well we have some more basic phones over–”

    Old man: “No I don’t want caller ID!”

    Me: “Hmm…well all the phones we carry have caller ID on them. It’s a pretty standard feature nowadays.”

    Old man: “Yeah but I don’t have that service, so I’d just be wasting my money on a feature I don’t use!”

    (This sort of this goes on for about 10 minutes. At one point another customer enters the aisle doing her own shopping. He looks over my shoulder and yells to her “Go find someone else! He’s helping me right now!”)

    (Finally he decides on a phone…)

    Old man: “Does this one have a wall mount?”

    Me: “Yes sir, it’s wall mountable.”

    Old man: “Show me!”

    Me: “We can’t really open product-”

    Old man: “No, show me!”

    (I think, “Screw it,” and open the box and take everything out to show him)

    Me: “See? Wall mounts.”

    Old man: “Ok fine, I’ll take it.”

    (I spend 10 minutes trying to get the freaking phone back in the box exactly how it was packaged, which is a lot harder than it sounds.)

    Me: “Ok…here you go.”

    Old man: “No, I don’t want that one, it’s been opened!”

    (I nearly beat him to death with his cane.)

    My, Aren’t We Feeling Entitled Today?

    | Maine, USA |

    Customer on phone: “I’d like a delivery please.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t deliver.”

    Customer: “I thought you delivered.”

    Me: “Sorry, we don’t.”

    Customer: “Well, do I get some kind of compensation?”

    Me: “Uhhh, no…”

    Customer: “You mean I was inconvenienced for all this time and I don’t even get a f***ing discount?”

    Me: “No…”

    Customer: *click*

    If By “Everyone”, You Mean Morons Like Yourself

    | Breda, The Netherlands |

    Customer: “I got just back from my vacation and all of a sudden my internet connection isn’t working anymore. Have you got a technical problem in my area or something.”

    Me: “No ma’am, as far as I know there aren’t any problems at this moment. Can you check which status lights are burning on your modem?”

    (Now this is a standard check we do to troubleshoot; it’s very easy to tackle when something’s going wrong.)

    Customer: “Alright, well, all lights are off. Are you sure there couldn’t be a problem on your side?”

    Me: “No miss, there aren’t any problems. I checked it when you were checking the status lights. But they were all off, you said?”

    Customer: “Yeah, there wasn’t a light burning on my modem. What could that mean?”

    Me: “Well, that could mean two things: Either the modem is broken or…”

    Customer: “No, it can’t be broken, it’s almost brand new! You just want me to buy a new one so that it’s not your problem anymore, am I right?”

    Me: “Well, to be honest: You’re not. I didn’t even finish my sentence yet. I said the modem COULD be broken, and if it’s broken and still brand new you’ll get a new one. The problem could also be that the power plug isn’t connected to the outlet properly. Maybe you’ve forgotten to plug it in after you came home from your holiday?”

    Customer: “Are you implying that I’m so dumb that I’d forget that? It’s just broken so send me a new one!”

    Me: “No, I’m not. But could you please check it, just to be sure?”

    Customer: “Alright then…”

    (After a minute.)

    Customer: “Yeah, you were right, it wasn’t connected. But I’m sure this could happen to everyone!”

    Me: “I suppose so. Have a nice day!”

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