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    Your Two-fer Just Went Poofer

    | USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’d like a grande white mocha and a tall peppermint hot chocolate.”

    Me: “Alright, that’ll be $*.**.”

    Customer: “What? For one drink? That’s impossible!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, miss. I thought I heard you order two drinks. What did you order?”

    Customer: “A tall peppermint hot chocolate.”

    Me, to coworker: “Forget the white mocha.”

    Customer: “No! I still want it!”

    Me: “Oh, so you just wanted me to ring the two drinks separately?”

    Customer: “No! I want it, but I don’t want you to ring it up.”

    Me: *blank stare*

    Customer: “Oh. I guess I’m not getting away with it, am I?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Safe To Say It’s Nacho Brightest Moment

    | Pennsylvania. USA | Top

    Me: “Good evening, guest services. This is ***, how my I assist you?”

    Guest: “This is absolutely ridiculous! You need to get someone up here right now! This God d*** microwave in my room isn’t working! You had better fix this immediately!”

    (Note: our hotel does not have microwaves in guest rooms unless the person is a VIP or if they request one in advance.)

    Me: “I am so sorry, Mr. ***. I can certainly have someone come take a look at it right away. If I may ask, did housekeeping bring this microwave to your room?”

    Guest: “No! It’s the microwave that is in the room! My nachos have been in this d*** thing for over 20 minutes and they’re not even hot yet!”

    Me: “I see, sir. Can you tell me where it’s located in your room?”

    Guest: “It’s the one that’s right under the television! I want my nachos and you better figure this out now!”

    Me: “Sir, is this microwave an off-white color with a keypad on the right of it?”

    Guest: “Yes!”

    Me: “There’s not a little window like a normal microwave would have, is there? It’s just a little digital display screen, right?”

    Guest: “That’s exactly it. It only displays how long I set the time for! I want my nachos 20 minutes ago. Can you get someone up here immediately?! This is absurd!”

    Me: “Again, sir, I apologize that your nachos are not hot. However, I believe I’ve figured out what the problem is. The device you’re placing your nachos in is actually your safe.”

    Guest: “Oh…oh my God. I’m so f***ing stupid!”

    (He actually called back down later and apologized.)

    Church At The Checkout

    | Christchurch, NZ | Uncategorized

    (A customer and her young daughter come up to my register.)

    Me: “Hi there! How are you going?”

    Mother: “I’m good, thanks!”

    (Her daughter spots the sponge we use to make the bags easier to open.)

    Daughter: “It’s the sponge! The sponge of baptism!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Daughter: “The sponge of baptism!” *places finger on sponge and wipes on forehead*

    Mother: “We’re not even religious…”

    Hot Flashes Of Inspiration

    , | Minnesota, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Here’s your change, ma’am. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Oh, how pleasant! Excuse me dear, but what is your name?”

    Me: “Why, it’s Katie.”

    Customer: “Katie, huh? Katie… what a gorgeous name! Why, if I hadn’t already gone through menopause, I would have named one of my kids after you!”

    Something Smells Fishy, Part 2

    | Petoskey, MI, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer buys an African clawed frog for her son. After bagging it, I bring it to the register. It swims around in the bag for a second as I set it down.)

    Customer: “Oh my god, what is it doing?”

    Me: “You mean swimming?”

    Customer: “Why did it do that?”

    Me: “It was probably coming up for a breath.”

    Customer: “It breathes?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “So, it’s not a fish?”

    Related:
    Something Smells Fishy

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