November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Get A Life

| Alabama, Canada | Technology, Uncategorized

Caller: “My friend told me that there is something better than the TV service I have right now.”

(I have been looking at his account for over 20 minutes. He has full HD TV service.)

Me: “Well, you have full HD TV. The only thing better would be to upgrade to a Personal Video Recorder.”

Caller: “No, I don’t want one of those. I want better picture on my TV!”

Me: “You have better picture on your TV. You have HD TV.”

Caller: “No! You don’t understand. My friend told me that there is something better than what I have. I want that! What is it?”

(Note: this was before 3D TV was available.)

Me: “Well, there is talk of things like 3D TV, but the technology is a ways away. It’s not something available now. You currently have the best thing available on the market today.”

Caller: “No! There is something better! What is better than HD TV?”

Me: “The only thing better than HD TV is real life.”

Caller: “Real life? Well, how do I get that?”

Seven Of Nine

| Lafayette, IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Uh…how many pieces are in your nine piece bucket?”

Me: *jokingly* “Seven. I’m taking two out for you asking that question.”

Customer: “Seven? That’s a good deal!”

The Price of Verity

| New York, NY, USA | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, I purchased this juicer from you yesterday and it doesn’t seem to be working. You have to take it back.”

Me: “Really? Well I took that right out of the shipping crate it was delivered to us in, so no one here could have possibly have messed with it.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Just let me check something, please.”

(I take the juicer out of the box and carry it over to the kitchen. Plugging it into an outlet I turn it on and watch as it revs up as normal.)

Me: “Well it seems to be in working order. Are you sure you hit the power switch on the side here to turn it on when you tried using

Customer: “Hey, you’re supposed to just give me my money back, not check if I’m telling the truth!”

Slow To Register

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

(It’s a busy day with long lines. I am one of the fastest cashiers we have.)

Me: “Hi, did you find what you where looking for today?”

(I’ve already processed and bagged about six Items.)

Customer: “Stop bagging! I don’t want no double scans!”

Me: “Okay, then.” *moving more slowly* “Did you find–”

Customer: “No! Stop it! Start over and wait until I have it all on the belt!”

Me: “Okay.” *I pause but don’t void out the total*

Customer: “Good now show me the screen.” *grabs the screen*. “What did you scan?”

(I scroll through the list now about 20+ things. After I start up scanning again, the customer has her eyes locked on the screen.)

Me: “Ok, now that brings you total to–”

Customer: “Here!” *slaps her card on the counter* “You young people move to fast! You should slow down! No one likes you being fast!.”

Three other customers behind her: “We LOVE a fast checker!”

Their Spelling Is Wrong, But They Are Sticking To It

| Des Moines, IA, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [internet provider]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I am trying to provision my personal modem for your internet and I am having issues. Could you help?”

Me: “Sure. May I please have your modem id?”

Caller: “001, E as in igloo, A as in apple, 3251, E as in igloo.”

Me: “So that was 001, Echo, Alpha, 3251, Echo?”

Caller: “No. E as in Igloo!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but Igloo begins with an I.”

Caller: “The heck it does! Igloo is spelled E-G-L-U-E. I have a G.E.D.—you can’t pull one over on me, Mr. Fancy Pants!”