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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Maybe He’s A Werewolf

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bizarre, Uncategorized

    (I work in a shoe store, men’s department.)

    Me: “Good morning, just let me know if you have any questions today.”

    Customer: “Thank you. I am looking for shoes.”

    Me: “Well, you are in the right store. What kind of shoes?”

    Customer: “Shiny grey.”

    Me: “You mean a silver shoe?”

    Customer: “Exactly! But let’s just call it shiny grey.”

    Try Explaining That To Your Insurance Agent

    | Aurora, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work in security at a huge outlet mall. Occasionally, shoppers can’t find their car and we drive them around looking for it.)

    Customer: “It seems my car was stolen. It definitely isn’t where I parked it.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s drive around and just make sure it isn’t here.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I was here a year ago and it got stolen then, also!”

    (We drive around the lots and all of a sudden she starts yelling.)

    Customer: “Oh my god I don’t believe it! It’s here!

    Me: “That’s your car?”

    Customer: “No! I mean yes! That’s my car from last year. That’s right, that IS where I parked it!”

    In The Twilight Of Their Youth

    | Perth, Australia | Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (I’m serving a family at the box office. The wife keeps looking nervously at the Vampires Suck poster we have on display.)

    Me: “You’ll be in Cinema 6 for Tomorrow. Enjoy your movie guys!”

    Wife: “Excuse me, I just have one question.”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Wife: *leans in close* “Are people actually watching Vampires Suck?”

    Me: “Yes, it’s very popular with young teenagers and has sold out a few times.”

    Wife: “But… but… it’s insulting Twilight!”

    Me: “I know, I saw it too.”

    (The husband quickly grabs his wife by the arm before she can say anything else.)

    ADD: Acronym Defiling Dad

    | Vermont, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Uncategorized

    Customer:“Hey I was wondering if you sold some of that ‘Ahhhdorol’ or ‘Ridalaain’?”

    Me: “No those are prescription drugs. All we sell here is Advil and caffeine pills.”

    Customer: “D*** it! My son has ADHD. You know…Attention Defiant Hyper Disorder?”

    In Soviet Russia, Language Speaks You

    | Langley, BC, Canada | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    (I am the customer in this story. I am looking for a certain book on WWII, but am having trouble finding the section.)

    Employee: “Hey, could I help you find something?”

    Me: “Ah, yes! I’m trying to find [book]. Could you help me?”

    (The employee has a very wide-eyed surprised look. She slowly nods and motions for me to follow.)

    Employee: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Sir, these help?”

    Me: “No, I’m looking for History.”

    Employee: “Umm…” *looks down the books and hands me a Russian-English dictionary.*

    Me: “Ah, I wasn’t speaking English was I?” (She shakes her head and I laugh.) “Sorry about that, I was looking for [book].”

    (The employee laughs and takes me to where I had wanted to go, the rest of our conversation thankfully in English.)

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