Military Intelligence, Part 6

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

(A patron had an item due back at 3:59 pm, so that read as ‘03:59 pm’. They returned it around 3 pm.)

Patron: “I don’t know what time this was due at. I can’t read army time.”

Me: “We don’t use military time. Where were you seeing it at?”

Patron: “Right here on the receipt, it says ‘13:59 pm’.”

Me: “It says 03:59 pm. Just drop the zero.”

Patron: “No, army time is harder than that.”

Me: “If it was due back at 13:59, it would’ve been due back at 1:59 pm.”

Patron: “So, I’m late?”

Me: “No, because we don’t use military time. Plus, that’s still not proper military time formatting. All you have to do on our receipts is drop that zero and you have the normal time.”

Patron: “Oh! I get it now! So if I drop the one, then I get the correct time from army time?”

Me: “That’s not military time or a one.”

Patron: “I’m glad to know how army time works now!”

Related:
Military Intelligence, Part 5
Military Intelligence, Part 4
Military Intelligence, Part 3
Military Intelligence, Part 2
Military Intelligence, Part 1

See-Through Excuses

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(A customer comes in with four boxes of our crystal product. They are all broken and foggy.)

Me: “Oh no, what happened to these?”

Customer: “I just tried cleaning them and they all broke!”

Me: “How did you clean these?”

Customer: ” I put them in my dishwasher, of course!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are very delicate crystal figurines. They shouldn’t even be put in water.”

Customer: “Oh, please! Like I’m going to bother cleaning them myself!”

Salvation Barmy

| Downingtown, PA, USA | At The Checkout

(We take electronics and recycle them for people.)

Me: “Thank you for calling! How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, do you recycle clothes?”

Me: “Clothes? No, we only take electronics. You should try the homeless charity across the street.”

Caller: “I don’t want to give them to homeless people. I just want to recycle them!”

Stupidity Makes A Good Case

| Online | Technology

Customer: “I received an cell phone case in the mail today. You sent the wrong item.”

Me: “It looks like you ordered a neon green silicone case for 50 cents and shipping was $2.00. What did you receive?”

Customer: “A bright green phone case.”

Me: “What is the problem with it?”

Customer: “So the $2.50 wasn’t for a phone?”

A Rude Retorte

Alabama, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I am a cake decorator in a bakery. I am closing up the department when the phone rings.)

Me: “This is the bakery, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes! Oh my god, please tell me you have the cake kit!”

Me: “Yes we do have the kit.”

Customer: “Finally! I’ve looked everywhere for it and you’re the only place that has it! Okay I need to order a cake.”

Me: “Alright, when you were going to need it?”

Customer: “In about thirty minutes.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but I would not be able to do that.”

Customer: “What? Why the h*** not?”

Me: “The bakery closes at 6:00 pm on Sundays and I’ve already clocked out for the day. I can place the order for tomorrow afternoon, though.”

Customer: “No! No! I need it now! It’s my son’s birthday today and I need a cake! I forgot to order the cake!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. There’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “You can make my son’s g**d*** cake is what you can do!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You can come and choose one from our case and I could write something on it for you.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want those cakes! That’s great! Just great! I hope you’re happy; you just ruined my baby’s first birthday!” *hangs up*

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