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    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded, Part 2

    | Fresno, CA, USA | Language & Words

    Customer:  “Gimme 1 tall coffee.”

    Me: “Okay. Would you like room for cream?”

    Customer: “No, d*** it! I just want American coffee; no ice cream, mayonnaise, whipped cream or any of that crap! Can’t I just buy a d*** cup of American coffee!?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir.  What flavor would you like today?”

    Customer: “Sumatra.”

    When Coffee Tastes Are Too Well Grounded

    Big Bother

    | United Kingdom | Extra Stupid, Politics, Top

    (A young girl of 18 or 19, clearly a first-time voter, skips the line and rushes up to my table.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to wait. There’s a line.”

    Voter: “I’m sorry, but it’s important! I need to get my ballot paper back. I voted for the wrong person!”

    Me: “Alright, give me the spoiled one.”

    Voter: “I can’t. I put it in the box.”

    Me: “Then I’m afraid we can’t get it back. The boxes can’t be opened until the end of voting at ten o’clock.”

    Voter: “But I didn’t know! I don’t want the Conservatives to get in so I voted for [Conservative candidate]. I should have voted for someone else!”

    Me: “Um, why did you vote for the Conservative?”

    (The girl turns scarlet and looks utterly miserable.)

    Voter: “I thought it was like TV where you vote them off!”

    Purple Digital Rain

    | Cape Town, South Africa | Books & Reading

    Customer: “Hey there, can you help me find a book?”

    Me:“Of course, ma’am. Do you know the author or title?”

    Customer: “Well you see, I was at the beach and I saw this girl reading a purple book. She looked like she was really enjoying it! I want that book.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re going to have to be more specific. There are a lot of books with purple covers.”

    Customer: “Can’t you search on your computer for purple books?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, no.”

    Customer: “I’ll go to a bookstore that has better computers.”

    Scare Bears

    | Erie, PA, USA | Family & Kids

    (I’m talking to two young customers about their stuffed animals with their aunt waiting behind them.)

    Me: “So, what are you going to name your bears?”

    Girl 1: *shrug*

    Girl 2: “I don’t know yet.”

    Me: “Oh, well that’s okay.”

    Girl 1: *very serious* “You know, my sister’s last name is Ross, but that’s not my last name. Do you know why?”

    Me: “Uh…well, um. I’m not sure?”

    (The aunt rushes over.)

    Aunt: “Oh, sweetie! You should ask your mom that!”

    Girl 1: “Oh…okay.” *walks away forlorn*

    No Vocation For Location

    , | Fargo, ND, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “Can I have a [competitor’s burger] please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t do that burger. The [competitor] is across the street.”

    Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

    Me: “That does not change the fact that we don’t serve that burger here.”

    Customer: “Can you read, mister?”

    Me: “Very well.”

    Customer: “Well, I can, too! The coupon says available at all locations, smart-a**!

    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

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