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    Funds Are Not The Only Thing Lacking Here

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout

    Me: “So, your total comes to $47.63.”

    (The customer swipes their card.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it seems your card was declined.”

    Customer: “Declined? Why?”

    Me: “It says here because of ‘insufficient funds’.”

    Customer: “But what does that even mean?”

    It Captchas Del.icio.us Spam And Cookies

    | Soderhamn, Sweden | Technology

    (I work for a well-known anti-virus company. An customer calls in to ask about the difference in her product and the other ones we carry.)

    Caller: “So what about the cheapest one?”

    Me: “It’s got the anti-virus protection, but it doesn’t protect you from net phishing.”

    Caller: “I see, so what about the one that I’m using right now?”

    Me: “Basically you’ve got both the anti-virus components and also a firewall, which is the recommended one for an average user.”

    Caller: “Oh, I see. So the firewall will protect the computer from catching on fire?”

    Beverly Spills Chihuahua

    | Plano, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “My wife and I were wondering if it would be okay to bring our chihuahua in while we eat?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but health department rules say we can’t allow any animals other than service animals in the restaurant.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. That’s no problem.”

    (He leaves, then comes back in with his wife and a dog-shaped bulge underneath his shirt. My manager, who had overheard the conversation, comes to the register.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s a violation of health code to have the dog in the restaurant.”

    Customer: “What dog?”

    (The dog then pokes his head out of the customer’s shirt.)

    Customer: *stammering* “Well, uh, he’ll stay right here. He won’t get out. He’s very clean and has good manners!”

    (A wet spot begins to appear on the man’s shirt.)

    Customer: “Maybe I’ll just go through the the drive thru…”

    Unable To Order, Drunken Disorder

    | Alberta, Canada | Hotels & Lodging

    Me: “Hi, what can I do for you this evening?”

    Customer: *visibly intoxicated* “I need a room.”

    (After arguing with her for a good ten minutes about the cost per night, the customer settles on a standard room. A few hours later, she calls.)

    Me: “Front desk.”

    Customer: “My phone isn’t working.”

    Me: “Are you sure?”

    Customer: “Girl I am sure! My phone is not working.”

    Me: “Is it not working when you are trying to dial out? Make sure you’re pressing ‘9’ before you dial the number you’re trying to reach.”

    Customer: “No, I know that! I read that. It’s not working. No dial tone, nothing.”

    Me: “Ma’am, aren’t you calling me from the room phone?”

    *Silence for a moment.*

    Customer: “While I’ve got you on here, can you order me ribs?”

    Me: “From the restaurant next door?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not required to do that. The number for the restaurant is in your guest directory found in the drawer of the desk in your room.”

    Customer: “But my phone isn’t working!”

    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

    | Ohio, USA | Extra Stupid

    (After unlocking the caller’s account and beginning to explain when it can be used.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. The account will be unlocked in a half hour.”

    Caller: “Okay, I’m in Florida, where y’all located?”

    Me: “Sir, we are in Ohio.”

    Caller: “Okay. So is that 30 minutes Central or 30 minutes Eastern?”

    Related:
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

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