November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Imperceptions On Imperfections

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(A customer comes in to pick up the portraits of her daughter she ordered. I go through the order with her to verify everything is there.)

Customer: “What is this on my daughter’s face!?”

Me: “Well, it looks like her skin has a red mark below her eye.”

Customer: “No! She doesn’t! She looked perfect when we came in and I didn’t see this on the computer before. You did something to them!”

Me: “I’m sorry you’re unhappy, but the photographs are exactly as they appear on the ordering screen. Also, this mark is on her face in the same spot in every pose, so it couldn’t be a printing problem.”

Customer: “Well, no. You’re wrong. You did something to them. my daughter is perfect!”

Off-Handed Comment

| Manchester, UK | Health & Body, Technology, Uncategorized

Caller: “Hi, I’ve placed an order some weeks back and I’m just chasing up when it might be delivered.”

Me: “Certainly, just bear with me a moment. I’ll just need to track it on the computer.”

(I proceed to log on to the order system, having a bit of difficulty as I’m only able to type with one hand while the other holds the phone.)

Me: “Sorry, bear with me a moment, it’s quite difficult to type with one hand.”

Caller: *in a sincere tone* “Why have you only got one hand?”

Limping Through College

| Flint, MI, USA | Books & Reading, School, Uncategorized

Customer: “Can you help me find the book for my class?”

Me: “Sure. Do you have your course schedule?”

Customer: “Uh, no. Why?”

Me: “They tell me what books are needed for each class.”

Customer: “Cool.”

Me: “So, I need to know what class you’re taking.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “English, Math, Physics, Biology? If you can tell me what the course is, we might be able to find it that way.”

Customer: “Sorry, dude. I’m new to this whole college thing.”

Me: “How about your professor’s name? We’ve got quite a few professors that only teach one class.”

Customer: “My class is at night. Wednesdays, I think. And my teacher is a lady, with a limp.”

Me: *Looking at a course card.* “I found it! Wednesday nights, with the lady who limps.”

Customer: “Bro, you’re a life saver.”

Me: “I was kidding.”

Customer: “So, that’s not my book then?”

From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2

| Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

Me: “Can I help you?”

Child: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “What?”

Child: “Are you old or just simple?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Child: “Cause my mom said everyone who works at [supermarket] is either old or simple.”

(The mother comes running behind him, picks him up, and runs off.)

From The Mouth Of Babes

At Lagerheads

| Mississippi, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(A drunk guest comes down and wants their car but we refuse to give it to him because he is intoxicated. We call him a cab and ask if he needs his house key off his key ring.)

Customer: “Oh, yeah. I might need that.”

Me: “Okay, which one is it?”

Customer: “It’s that black one right there.”

Me: “Sir, that’s your car key. Which one is your house key?”

Customer: “No, really. It’s that black one.”

Me: “No…that’s your car key.”

Customer: “You don’t understand, I made it universal. It opens everything in my house.”

Me: “Okay, I’m just going to give you everything but the car key. Have a nice night, sir.”