Orders With Benefits

| Durham, NC, USA | Food & Drink, Movies & TV

(There are two teenage males in line, one at the register being helped, and the other standing behind him. They seem to be friends, but are standing in line as though they are ordering separately. As there is only one register, I decide to get started on preparing the second guy’s order.)

Me: “Hey, are you guys together or separate?”

First guy: “Oh, we’re together. Oh wait!” *shocked look* “Did you mean like, ‘together together’, or if we’re just buying together?”

Me: “I don’t follow.”

Second Guy: “Are you asking if we’re dating?”

Me: “Whichever one will make me make your food faster, I guess?”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3

| Pennsylvania, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Hello, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get a piece of candy?”

Me:  “Sure, that’s one dollar.”

Customer:  “Oh. I only have a five.” *starts walking away*

Me: “Excuse me, Ma’am? I said it’s only a dollar.”

Customer: “I know. Why would I waste four dollars?”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

Military Intelligence, Part 6

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Extra Stupid

(A patron had an item due back at 3:59 pm, so that read as ‘03:59 pm’. They returned it around 3 pm.)

Patron: “I don’t know what time this was due at. I can’t read army time.”

Me: “We don’t use military time. Where were you seeing it at?”

Patron: “Right here on the receipt, it says ‘13:59 pm’.”

Me: “It says 03:59 pm. Just drop the zero.”

Patron: “No, army time is harder than that.”

Me: “If it was due back at 13:59, it would’ve been due back at 1:59 pm.”

Patron: “So, I’m late?”

Me: “No, because we don’t use military time. Plus, that’s still not proper military time formatting. All you have to do on our receipts is drop that zero and you have the normal time.”

Patron: “Oh! I get it now! So if I drop the one, then I get the correct time from army time?”

Me: “That’s not military time or a one.”

Patron: “I’m glad to know how army time works now!”

Related:
Military Intelligence, Part 5
Military Intelligence, Part 4
Military Intelligence, Part 3
Military Intelligence, Part 2
Military Intelligence, Part 1

See-Through Excuses

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(A customer comes in with four boxes of our crystal product. They are all broken and foggy.)

Me: “Oh no, what happened to these?”

Customer: “I just tried cleaning them and they all broke!”

Me: “How did you clean these?”

Customer: ” I put them in my dishwasher, of course!”

Me: “Ma’am, these are very delicate crystal figurines. They shouldn’t even be put in water.”

Customer: “Oh, please! Like I’m going to bother cleaning them myself!”

Salvation Barmy

| Downingtown, PA, USA | At The Checkout

(We take electronics and recycle them for people.)

Me: “Thank you for calling! How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, do you recycle clothes?”

Me: “Clothes? No, we only take electronics. You should try the homeless charity across the street.”

Caller: “I don’t want to give them to homeless people. I just want to recycle them!”

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