Give Them A Dress And They’ll Want A Yard

| Ellensburg, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(I sell a dress to a lady and she leaves. As I am coming back from hanging a sign, she returns to the yard sale.)

Customer: “I want to return this dress.”

Me: “This is a yard sale. I don’t take returns.”

Customer: “You don’t have a sign up. You should have a sign that says no returns.”

Me: “I don’t need one. This is a yard sale.”

Customer: *getting angry* “I want to return the dress. I don’t want it anymore!”

Me:  “This is a yard sale. I am not a store, so I do not take returns.”

Customer: “That’s dishonest I’m calling 911!”

(The customer dials 911 on her cell phone and I hear her talking to the dispatcher.)

Customer: “Hello! I’m at a yard sale and they won’t take back my dress!”

Short Cake, Tall Order

| Southlake, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Religion, Top

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like a cake made. Can you make a cake in about 20 minutes?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we have no available decorators at this time. I can certainly take an order for tomorrow morning, however.”

Customer: “No! That’s unacceptable! I refuse to be treated differently just because I’m Jewish!”

Me: “I’m also a Jew, but the issue is that I don’t have the proper training to make a cake for you at this time. I can place an order for you, but can do little more than that.”

Customer: “No, forget it. I refuse to be discriminated like this! I’m leaving!”

Me: “Have a nice day, and happy Hanukkah!”

Customer: “What the h*** is Hanukkah?!”

Playing The Name Game

| Lynnwood, WA, USA | Family & Kids, Funny Names, Uncategorized

(A customer calls in with a question. This is during heavy snow, so traveling to a store is a big deal.)

Customer: “Hi I’m looking for [name of video game], but not [game with very similar name]. I’ve called in everywhere and no one seems to have it.”

Me: “Okay, Let me just look that up for you.”

(I proceed with looking up the game and find out that they stopped making the series and that there wasn’t in fact even a game by the title she wanted.)

Me: “Okay it looks like we have [game with similar name] but they never made [game she wanted].”

Customer: “Oh great! I’ll come right down to pick it up! I can’t believe you have it!”

(The customer hangs up before I can repeat that we didn’t have it and that it doesn’t exist. Later in the day my boss informs me a lady up front wants to talk to me; I dread going to the front to a woman who has driven through to snow to look for a game doesn’t exist.)

Customer: “Hi, [my name]! I just wanted to thank you in person for helping me find [game she wanted]. My son was looking for it everywhere!”

(As she says this, she holds up the game with the similar title.)

Me: “You’re… welcome?”

Son: “Mom! You’ve been calling it the wrong name all day!”

Don’t Hold Your Breath For This One

| Boulder, CO, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Health & Body, Uncategorized

(I am counseling a patient on using an inhaler.)

Me: “Do you know how to use an inhaler, sir?”

Patient: “Nope, never used one.”

Me: “Okay, you’ll want to begin inhaling, and then depress the inhaler as you are breathing in. Then, hold your breath for as long as possible to allow the medication to be absorbed into your lungs.”

Patient: “Oh, sort of like smoking pot…”

Hiss-terical Contest

| London, UK | Pets & Animals, Top

(It is closing time. I come across a man in the reptile section staring intently at one of our pythons.)

Me: “Sir, just to let you know, the store will be closing in about–”

(The customer silences me and continues to watch the snake.)

Me: “Sir, did you–”

Customer: “I heard you. I’ll be out in a minute. This brat mcan’t last much longer.”

(The snake moves to the side, and so does the customer. It slithers back to its original position and he  suite. I notice his eyes are quivering all this time and he hasn’t blinked once.)

Me: “Sir, forgive my asking but are you trying to have a staring contest with Archie there?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You do know snakes can’t blink, right?”

Customer: “Oh, now you tell me? I’ve been challenging this brat for the last ten minutes!”

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