October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

TV On Demanding

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [satellite company]. How can I be of assistance?”

Customer: “I need you to move the satellite, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Well, I want to watch the movie but we’re having a storm. Can you move the satellite closer so I can see the rest of the movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the satellite is in space and I can’t just move it closer to you.”

Customer: “Okay. Well, can you pause the channel until the storm is over then?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that is a broadcast going to everyone at the same time. We cannot pause the broadcast.”

Customer: “Okay, just replay the movie for me. I get home from work about 5, so if you could start it at 6 I’ll have time to make a bite to eat first.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is not how the broadcast works.”

Customer: “You’re just not helpful AT ALL!”

Helping The Needy

| Salem, OR, USA | Uncategorized

(To make the day more interesting, I am asking the prospective students about their Halloween.)

Me: “So how was your Halloween? Did you dress up?”

Student Caller: “I was Spock, of course.”

Me: “Awesome. Live long and prosper.”

Student Caller: “The needs of the many…”

Me: “…are greater than the needs of the few.”

Student Caller: “Or the one.”

*long pause*

Student Caller: “Marry me?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Student Caller: “What, is this moving too fast for you? Okay, how about a date? Coffee? I can be there in 4 hours!”

Me: “Uhh… I don’t think this is appropriate. If you have any questions, you can call the office of admissions-”

Student Caller: “Wait! I need to tell my mom I’ve met the future Mrs. Finkler!”

New Years Resolution: Get A Brain

| Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “What are your hours for New Years?”

Me: “We will be closing at 4pm on New Year’s Eve.”

Customer: “Do you have something with those times on it?”

Me: “If you go over to the bulletin board by the door there is a sign with the hours.”

Customer: “This sign says December 31, but nothing about New Year’s Eve!”

Me: “Yes ma’am, New Year’s Eve is December 31.”

Customer: “That’s not right! I asked for the hours on New Year’s Eve, and now you’re trying to trick me by giving me the hours for December 31!”

Me: “No, New Year’s Eve is just the name of the holiday that occurs on December 31.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Here, look at the calendar. See, if you look at December 31, it says ‘Holiday: New Year’s Eve’.”

Customer: “What is this? I don’t want any part of your liberal anti-holiday conspiracy!”

Cheap Computers Are Not Enough Of A Steal

, | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to get a 7 inch screen computer that will fit on my lap when I use it. Please, sell me one now!”

Me: “I’d be happy to help you find a laptop.”

Customer: “Well first off, I don’t want a laptop. I want a computer with a 7-inch screen that can sit on my lap while I’m using it.”

Me: “Okay, follow me sir.”

(I find him his computer. A few hours pass and the customer leaves holding a small box in his arms. The alarm sounds as he leaves the building. I rush up and bring him back inside.)

Customer: “What is all this about! I stole nothing! I bought this computer! I paid for it just a minute ago!”

Me: *searching his things* “Sir, you have a wireless mouse, 3 CD’s, 2 DVD’s, a camera, and a portable radio hidden in your jacket. You can’t just walk out of here without paying for those.”

Customer: “But I bought the computer!”

Out Of This World Prices

| Santa Clarita, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need your assistance with these lights here. Do I just plug these into the dirt?”

Me: “They’re solar powered, so you stick them into your lawn and they’ll charge during the day so they can shine during the evening. Right now they’re on clearance for $14.98.”

Customer: “How many batteries will I have to buy? I always get things like this on sale and then you trick me because I have to buy batteries.”

Me: “They’re solar powered.”

Customer: “I just want to know how many batteries I need.”

Me: “Well these particular lights only need one battery. It’s big and yellow and floats in the sky. It’s called the Sun.”

Customer: “Never mind, then. That sounds awfully expensive.”

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