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    Not Remotely Intelligent, Part 3

    | USA | Technology, Uncategorized

    (A customer calls in to get help setting up a video conferencing unit with a display on the remote that shows status of selection.)

    Me: “So, are you pointing the remote at the unit?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Where is the display on the remote? Is the top or bottom closest to you?

    Customer: “The bottom is closest to me.”

    Me: “Okay, turn the remote around so the LCD is towards the unit.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    Me: “What do you see?”

    Customer: “The back of the remote.”

    Not Remotely Intelligent 2
    Not Remotely Intelligent

    Not In Full Receipt Of Your Faculties

    | Downers Grove, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    Caller: “Hi, I need a copy of my receipt for an order I had the other day.”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I will need the date, your name, the company name, and if you have it, the amount.”

    Caller: “Yes, my name is Diane, I’m calling from [Company] and it was for yesterday. The amount was $158.26. No, wait. It was $128.26. At least, that’s what it says on the receipt that I’m holding.”

    Me: “So you have the receipt, then?”

    Caller: *pause* “Yes! Thanks for your help!” *click*

    Bulk Mail To The Future

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Math & Science, Technology, Uncategorized

    Caller: “Hi, I called earlier and spoke with someone about getting a quote? She was supposed to email it to me, but I haven’t seen it yet.”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am. How long ago was she supposed to have sent it?”

    Caller: “Maybe ten minutes ago?”

    Me: “Let me check with her. Did you check the spam folder, just in case?”

    Caller: “I’ve never opened that folder. I really don’t think it would be there anyway.”

    Me: “Well, sometimes business emails will automatically go to a spam folder based on their settings. You might want to check anyway.”

    Caller: “That’s ridiculous! It wouldn’t be there. Those emails are from the future!”

    Right-Click Wrong-Click

    | Ireland | Technology, Uncategorized

    (I’m twenty minutes into troubleshooting an internet connection.)

    Me: “Okay, now right-click on that screen.”

    Caller: “Right-click. It’s not working.”

    Me: “Just make sure you’re right-clicking for a moment.”

    Caller: “I will. Right-click, see nothing happens! Can’t you fix this already?”

    (I realize that she is left-clicking on the page for nothing to be happening.)

    Me: “Can you click the button on the right hand side for me?”

    Caller: “You clearly don’t know what you’re doing because it’s not working!”

    Me: “Do you know your left from your right?”

    Caller: “Obviously!”

    Me: “Look at your mouse.”

    Caller: “I am looking at it.”

    Me: “See the button on the left and the button on the right? Click the button on the right.”

    Caller: “Oh it worked. I thought you meant your right!”

    A Fowl Plot

    | Sydney, Australia | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, these “Wicked Wings” you gave me are hot and spicy.”

    Me: “Yes, I know.”

    Customer: “Well I can’t eat anything that is spicy because of my health. You should have told me they were spicy.”

    Me: “Sorry sir, I assumed you’d known because that’s the only thing you ordered. I’ll give you a refund.”

    Customer: “No, that’s not good enough. You should have told me that they are spicy, it’s your responsibility.”

    Me: “I apologize.”

    Customer: “I thought it was made from the evil chickens or something.”