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    No Vocation For Location

    , | Fargo, ND, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “Can I have a [competitor’s burger] please?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t do that burger. The [competitor] is across the street.”

    Customer: “But I have a coupon.”

    Me: “That does not change the fact that we don’t serve that burger here.”

    Customer: “Can you read, mister?”

    Me: “Very well.”

    Customer: “Well, I can, too! The coupon says available at all locations, smart-a**!

    Related:
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    Accountants And Their Blue Tape

    | Leicester, UK | Rude & Risque, Technology

    (A client calls us requesting we email him a scan of a document. We promptly send this over to him and he calls back almost immediately.)

    Client: “This scan you have sent me only has one page of the document and the rest of it is pornography!”

    Me: “I’m sorry? There is certainly no chance that this contains any pornography. It looks perfectly fine from our end.

    Client: “But there is. I am looking at it right now!”

    Me: “Which button are you clicking?  The one that says ‘Next Page’ or ‘Next Document’?”

    Client: “Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Well if you are clicking Next Document, you are currently looking at all of the pornography that you have recently been viewing on your computer.”

    Client: “F***!” *hangs up*

    Hang Ups Over Children

    | Fremont, CA, USA | Family & Kids

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Vet Clinic]. How can I help you today?”

    (Note: the caller sounds around 4 years old. )

    Caller: “Hello, is Aunt Betty there?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, would you mind repeating that?”

    Caller: “Can I speak to Aunt Betty?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Oh, Okay.”

    Me: “Bye!”

    (I hang up. 10 seconds later, the phone rings again.)

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Vet Clinic], how can I help you today?”

    Caller 2: “My niece just called here and must have got the wrong number.”

    Me: *chuckling* “Yes she thought-”

    Caller 2: “Well, next time don’t hang up on her!” *hangs up*

    English Is Going Down (Under)

    | Melbourne, Australia | Language & Words

    Me: “Hello, how are you?”

    Customer: “What country are you from?”

    Me: “England.”

    Customer: “Oh, no wonder you don’t speak English properly.”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2

    | Duluth, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Me: “Your total is $152.37.”

    (Customer begins to write out a deposit slip from the back of her chequebook.)

    Me: “That’s a deposit slip, not a cheque.”

    Customer: “Oh, so I can’t pay you with this?” *confused look*

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Oh, well take it out of this then.” *hands me a roll of cash* “But don’t take more that $75 out of there.”

    Me: *takes $75 out of roll* “And how would you like to pay for the rest of this?”

    Customer: “Umm…” *confused look* “I have to pay more?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

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