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    Speed Bumps With Name Tags

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I’m picking up overstock on the floor, and an elderly lad hits my heel with her shopping cart.)

    Me: “Ow!”

    (The elderly lady proceeds to RAM the shopping cart into my foot until she succeeds in rolling over it completely.)

    Me: “OWW! OWWWWW!”

    Elderly lady: “Hmmm? Ehhh? Did I bump ya?”

    Me: “You rammed right over my foot!”

    Elderly lady: “Well, it shouldn’t be on the floor.”

    Me: “… I’m going on my break.”

    (Turns out she bruised a bone in my foot and tore a ligament by ramming into it.)

    It’s Called Sarcasm

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel], this is [name]. How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “What time do you stop room service?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t offer room service.”

    Customer: “What’s up with that?”

    Me: “We don’t have a kitchen in the hotel.”

    Customer: “Well, y’all need to get one!”

    Me: “You’re right. I will start filing for permits and hiring subcontractors and have the kitchen built before you arrive.”

    Customer: “That’s great, you truly offer excellent customer service!”

    Burned

    | Liverpool, UK | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m a high ropes instructor and work with kids in the forest. There are “No Smoking” signs posted all over the place, but I see a woman smoking right next to a sign.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. There’s no smoking in this area.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because it could start a fire.”

    Customer: *snottily* “Well, I’ll make sure not to do that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you still can’t smoke in this area. There are children everywhere… the smoke’s not good for them.”

    Customer: “Well, they’re my children, so it’s really my decision to make, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Actually, as this is our property, it’s our decision. Please take your disgusting habit elsewhere.”

    Customer: “Your FACE is disgusting.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, as soon as my face starts causing cancer, you can complain.”

    All Hail Lord Konica

    | Worcester, MA, USA |

    Customer: “I need to make copies.”

    Me: “Okay, that copier over there is free, and I just cleared the counter. You‚Äôre all set to copy.”

    Customer: “But I need to use Konica.”

    Me: “Well, another customer is using that machine right now. The other copier works just as well.”

    Customer: “I need to use Konica. May I wait to use Konica?”

    Me: “Uh, sure. Just come to the register when you‚Äôre done.”

    (10 minutes later, the customer using the Konica pays and leaves.)

    Customer: “The Konica is free now. May I use Konica?”

    Me: “Uh huh.”

    (The customer walks over to the Konica, places his palms together, juts his elbows out, and pray-bows in front of the machine while muttering. He then proceeds to make copies, pray-bows again, comes over to the register, pays, and leaves. We’ve since nicknamed him Acid Man.)

    Don’t Worry, We’ll Have The Giraffes Pull Double Shifts

    | Saint Paul, MN, USA |

    Visitor: “Hello, can you tell me how to get to the zoo?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the zoo closed at 6 pm today.”

    Visitor: “But your website says that you’re open 24 hours a day.”

    Me: “No it doesn’t.”

    Visitor: “Do you have a computer with you right now to look it up?¬†I even printed out the page that says you’re open 24 hours a day.”

    Me: “No, I don’t right now, but I’ve looked at it many times before and it doesn’t say that anywhere.¬†Can I see the paper you printed out?”

    Visitor: “I don’t have it with me, but it said that you’re open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.”

    Me: “Think about this. No zoo on earth would be open 24 hours a day. What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense! Are you sure you had the right website?”

    Visitor: “Of course I’m sure! Why would your website lie?”

    Me: “It doesn’t say that! Look at the door and our brochure right over there. They, along with our website, clearly say that we close at 6 pm. Now, we’re closed so you need to leave and come back when we’re open to see the animals.”

    Visitor: “But your website says I should be able to see them now! This is ridiculous!” *storms off*

    (I checked the website later that night and of course, there’s nothing there that even suggests we might be open any later than 6 pm.)

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