October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Lack Of Grey Matter, Part 2

| Denver, CO, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [company], how may I help you?”

Customer: “My computer monitor is broken.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What are the symptoms? Does it just not turn on?”

Customer: “The text is really hard to read.”

Me: “Just the text?”

Customer: “Yeah, everything else is fine. I think the backlight thing is dying.”

(I remote connect to the users machine.)

Me: “Is this what you’re talking about?” *uses the pointer on the screen*

Customer: “Yeah, the text right there in my email. It’s faded out. See that?”

Me: “Sir, your text color is set to grey.”

Customer: “I didn’t know the monitor could do that!”

Lack Of Grey Matter

They Really Should Call Them Help(less) Lines

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone service provider]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My cable TV isn’t working.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we’re a cell phone company.”

Customer: “I know, but I thought that you people would be able to help me with that any way.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can only assist you with your cell phone service.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. I’m sorry, but we’re only trained to deal with phones. We don’t know anything at all about cable TV.”

Customer: “Oh, then who should I call?”

Me: “Do you have your cable bill with you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Is there a 1-800 number on it?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You need to call that number.”

Customer: “Oh. Thank you!”

Driving The Point Home

| Illinois, USA | Top

(Note: our Drive-thru has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy. A customer pulls up to our drive-thru while talking on her cellphone.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: *continues talking on cellphone*

Me: “Please end your phone call now, or I will have to ask you to leave our drive-thru.”

(The customer finally hangs up about 15 seconds later.)

Customer: “Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Will someone take my order?!”

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what took you so long? No one ever even said anything to me.” *places order*

Me: “Your total is $xx.xx, first window.”

Customer: *pulls up to the window*

Me: “Ma’am, you do know our restaurant has a strict “No Cell Phone” policy in drive thru.”

Customer: “Well, I wasn’t on my cell phone.”

Me: “You spent 5 minutes ignoring me asking for your order, and I could hear you talking on your cell phone.”

Customer: “Well, I most certainly wasn’t!”

Me: “Ma’am, we have that no cell phone policy. Please don’t use it again in drive-thru, because we might have to ask you to leave the drive-thru if it happens again.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because you took 5 minutes to even start placing your order. That’s 5 minutes we can’t take any other orders.”

Customer: “This is bulls***! I don’t even have a cellphone!”

(Suddenly, the customer’s cell phone rings. She picks it up.)

Customer: “Hello? Oh my gosh, no he didn’t!”

(It took me another 3 minutes to get her money.)

Signs That It Is Going To Be A Long Day/Week/Month

| United Kingdom | Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help?”

Caller: “I can’t work out how to use your booking calendar. It’s very complicated.”

Me: “Okay, so tell me if there’s any red text beneath the calendar?”

Caller: “Yes there is. It says ‘click a start date to begin’.”

Me: “Okay, so click the date you’d like your booking to start.”

Caller: “Okay, done that. Now what?”

Me: “Has the text changed to say ‘Please click an end date’?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “So click the date you’d like your booking to end.”

Caller: “Okay, I’ve got a price! That’s great, but isn’t that rather complicated?”

Me: “How do you mean?”

Caller: “Well, why doesn’t it know the dates I want already?”

Copyright Meets Copywrong

| Aberystwyth, UK | Uncategorized

(A teenage boy and girl come up to my till with a recently purchased CD.)

Teenage Boy: “I want to return this CD.”

Me: “Is there a problem?”

Teenage Boy: “No, I just didn’t like it.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid I can’t give you a refund, but you can exchange it.”

Teenage Boy: “That’s not on. I want to see the manager.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Teenage Boy: “I want my money back for this CD and he won’t give it to me.”

Manager: “I’m afraid we can’t give you a refund but you can exchange it for a another CD.”

Teenage Girl: “He doesn’t want another CD. Why would be want another CD when he can just copy them?”

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