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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • No More Teddy In Beddy

    , | Milwaukee, WI, USA |

    Me: “Hello, what brings you into [toy store]?”

    Customer: “Just looking around… all of my grandkids are too old for stuffed animals.”

    Me: “There are a lot of adults who come in who collect them.”

    Customer: “I saw a lot of college kids in here over the summer getting them.”

    Me: “Actually, I have a stuffed animal that I sleep with every night.”

    Customer: “You know what you need to do… you need to get yourself a man!”

    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

    | Levittown, PA, USA |

    (One night while working a busy dinner shift, a elderly couple shows up in my section, at a table that just left. I had assumed that the hostesses were just busy and sat them immediately.)

    Me: “Welcome to *****, what can I get you to drink?”

    Them: “We’ve been sitting here for 10 minutes? What took you so long?”

    (I knew that I had cleared the table not more than 5 minutes ago.)

    Me: I’m terribly sorry, we’re awful busy. Now, what can I get you tonight?”

    (They order coffee and water, with extra cream. I get their coffee as fast as possible, but have to make a second trip for the creamer. Before I can let them know I’ll be right back…)

    Them: “That took forever! What’s wrong with you? It’s never taken this long before. Where’s our creamer?!”

    (I calm them down enough to get away from the table and get the creamer. I am gone less than 30 seconds.)

    Them: “This is the worst service I’ve ever had! I can’t believe they would hire you! This isn’t enough creamer!”

    Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but I am trying my best to satisfy your dining needs. If you don’t feel that my service is adequate, please feel free to request another waiter.”

    (I walk away to take care of my other tables. Shortly thereafter, the owner calls me over.)

    Owner: “What did you say to those people?”

    Me: *repeat the story to him*

    Owner: “Okay, who sat them?”

    Me: “I don’t know. They just showed up. I thought a hostess did.”

    Owner, to hostess: “Who sat that couple?”

    Hostess: “They sat themselves.”

    Owner, to customers: “You sat yourselves while we have a 20 minute wait?”

    Customers: “Well, there was an empty table!”

    Owner: “Get the f*** out of my restaurant!”

    Related:
    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2
    Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota
    Even Customers Have A Stupid Quota

    They’re Starting To Catch On

    | Adelaide, Australia | Top

    Customer: “I thought I should let you guys know your phone isn’t working.”

    Me: “OK – are you sure you’ve been dialing the correct number?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’ve been trying 0800-2100 all week, and it never goes through.”

    Me: “…0800-2100? That’s not our number – our number is ****. If you don’t mind me asking, where did you get 0800-2100 from?”

    Customer: “Right there, on your door.” *points*

    Me: “Sir, that’s not a phone number…those are our business hours.”

    Customer: “I’m going to see this on NotAlwaysRight.com, aren’t I?”

    Me: “Yes… yes you will. Have a nice day!”

    God Ma’amit

    | Boulder, CO, USA |

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Don’t call me ma’am, that’s rude! that’s like me calling you stupid!”

    Me: “I apologize… I was just trying to be courteous.”

    Customer: “I want to speak to the manager.”

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “You’re stupid, and he’s stupid, and everybody that works here is stupid! I’m leaving!”

    Me: “Have a great day, ma’am!”

    Continental Confusion

    | South Burlington, VT, USA |

    Customer: “Why are these shoes made in Chile?”

    Me: “Well, I would assume that Chile is where the factory is located.”

    Customer: “But WHY? Where is Chile anyways?”

    Me: “Well, I’m not sure why, but Chile is located in South America.”

    Customer: “South America? Like down by Alabama?”

    Me: *facepalm*

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