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    What She Needs Is A Skynet

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hello, I have a problem. My computer doesn’t do anything.”

    Me: “You mean that it doesn’t turn on?”

    Customer: “It turns on just fine, but then it doesn’t do anything after that.

    Me: “So you mean that after turning on, you simply get a blank creen?”

    Customer: “No, it shows the manufacturer’s logo for a moment, then it says ‘loading’.”

    Me: “And it just gets stuck there, then?”

    Customer: “No. After that there’s a picture of a green field and a blue sky.”

    Me: “Well, that’s the default desktop. That all sounds right.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t do anything! I’ve left it for hours and hours and nothing will happen once it gets there!”

    Me: “So even if you click on an icon or a button or try to move the mouse, there’s no response? Could you try to be a little more specific about the problem?”

    Customer: “Mouse? Icons? Why would I try to click on anything?! My friend told me this thing could do my taxes and my homework but it just sits there all day and doesn’t do anything!”

    Questionable Answers

    | GA, USA | Uncategorized

    (I’m in the comics section, helping a man find a present for his daughter. I’ve picked up a book by a popular artist.)

    Customer: “It looks nice, but I already got her one of these things for her birthday. I don’t want to give her the same gift twice.”

    Me: “Are you sure? This book came out pretty recently. Did yours have the same title as this one?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Did the cover have the same colors as this?”

    Customer: “I don’t remember.”

    Me: “Is there anything you recall about the book you got for her birthday?”

    Customer: *after a long, thoughtful pause* “It was made of paper!”

    Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 2

    | Washington DC, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “I’m looking for a book. Something about glass. Breaking glass?”

    Me: “Well, do you know if it’s fiction or nonfiction?”

    Customer: “Sorry. What?”

    Me: “Is it real or imaginary?”

    Customer: “I mean, it’s real. How do you imagine a book? Is that what audio books are?”

    Related:
    Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

    That Request Will Never Fly

    | USA | Uncategorized

    (We hit a bit of turbulence. The ‘Fasten Seatbelt’ light goes on, and the captain comes on the intercom to tell us all to stay seated and buckled in. Shortly after this, a woman hits her call light. I come on over.)

    Me: *bracing myself on the seat across the row* “Yes, ma’am?”

    Passenger: “Could I have a glass of water, please?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us to all stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “But I wouldn’t be getting up!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the captain has asked us ALL to stay seated for our safety.”

    Passenger: “Oh! You too?”

    Trucker In Need Of Break Fluid

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA | Top

    (I’m working in a diner at the crack of dawn. A surly trucker sits down at the counter.)

    Me: “Good morning, can I start you with something to drink?”

    Customer: “Coffee. Now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we’re all out of ‘coffee now’. All we have left is ‘coffee please’.”

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