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    A Grave Concern

    | Shreveport, LA, USA | Health & Body, Technology, Uncategorized

    (I am the only representative in the Texas queue. I had spoken to this customer 15 minutes previously, before I went on break. He is my first call when I get back.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing [Phone Company]. How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “Aren’t you the one I talked to earlier?”

    Me: *checking the account info* “Yes sir, I did speak to you earlier. Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “You told me the technician would be out here on Monday. Well that’s not good enough! I need him out here right now!”

    Me: “Sir, it’s 9 pm on Saturday evening. Our technicians go home at 7 pm and do not work on Sundays.”

    Customer: “I don’t care, you get someone out tonight! I have a medical condition and if something happens to me while my phone is out, I’m calling my lawyer!”

    Me: “Sir, I will be more than happy to send you the letter for a doctor to verify that you have a medical condition requiring your phone services to be on 24/7. Unfortunately, because the status is not currently on the account, I will not be able to get a call-out approved.”

    Customer: “I don’t want your letter! I want my services back on! If something happens to me on the weekend and I die, you’ll be hearing from me!”

    Read Her Lips

    | Brisbane, Australia | At The Checkout, Money, Top, Uncategorized

    (I am scanning a customer’s order when I notice she is buying a $30 lip-gloss that is also being given away with a magazine).

    Me: "Miss, if you’d like to buy [magazine] for $7.20, you get this exact lip-gloss free inside."

    Customer: "But I don’t want the magazine. I just want the lip-gloss."

    Me: "I understand, but even if you give the magazine away, you still get the lip-gloss for $7.20 and save $22.80."

    Customer: "Do I look like a charity? I’m not going to give away a $7 magazine. Haven’t you heard of saving money?"

    Me: "Well yes, what I’m saying is you can save money by buying the magazine–"

    Customer: "Stop trying to rip me off and scan my lip-gloss!"

    (I ring up her lip-gloss for $30 and she storms off. The next customer puts the same magazine on the counter.)

    Next Customer: "I don’t want it either, but I have half a brain."

    Left At The Hereafter

    | Norway | Health & Body, Uncategorized

    (I have to talk to many different dentists through the day. The old ones speak in a very old-fashioned Norwegian.)

    Me: "[Company name] this is [my name]. How may I help you?"

    Client: "Yes, you see, my customer just left, and I forgot to take a copy of his bill. Could you send me a new one?"

    Me: "Sure miss, but I can see you live quite the distance from here, may I suggest calling the customer to get it back, or get the numbers? I am quite sure it’ll be easier for you."

    Client: "But you don’t understand! He just left!"

    Me: "I understand miss. I still believe it would be easier for you if you just called the customer though."

    Client: "What part of ‘he just left’ is so hard to understand? He left!”

    Me: "I see, I’m sorry if I bothered you with my opinions. I’m printing out a copy of the bill right as we speak, and it’ll be out by tomorrow at noon."

    Client: "Good. That’s alright then.” *mumbles to herself* “…asking me to call his widow for the bill. Outrageous."

    Me: "Widower? Excuse me miss, but is your customer dead?"

    Client: "Oh, so now you get it, huh? I told you he left!"

    Debt Collection Is All That It Is Cracked Up To Be

    | Texas, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, may I please speak to Jane Doe?”

    Customer: “Which one? One’s my wife and one’s my sister.”

    Me: “Jane L. Doe.”

    Customer: “That’s my sister. She’s a crackhead. We don’t associate with her anymore. She still owes me hundreds of dollars.”

    Me: “Well, do you know anyone who could get in touch with her? Maybe your parents?”

    Customer: “My parents don’t talk to her anymore either. And even if they did, I don’t want to hassle them over my good-for-nothing crackhead of a sister. Why do you want to talk to her?”

    Me: “I need to speak with her regarding the property on [address].”

    Customer: “That’s my house. What Jane Doe did you say you were looking for?”

    Me: “Jane L Doe.”

    Customer: “Oh, that’s my wife. She’s not a crackhead. She’s at church.”

    Off The Clock Customer Block

    | Robinson, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

    (After my shift, I am shopping in the store I work at. I am not wearing my name tag, but still wearing a plain blue polo and black slacks.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! You work here, don’t you?”

    Me: “Well, yeah but not right now I actually just–”

    Customer: “Can you find these shoes for me?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m done for the day. I just clocked out.”

    Customer: “Then what are you doing here?”

    Me: “I’m shopping too.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t be allowed to do that!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You guys shouldn’t be allowed to shop while normal people are shopping! I want to speak to your manager!”

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