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    Not Dyed Dark Enough, Apparently

    | Yukon, Canada |

    (My father does all sorts of contracting work from plumbing to construction. This is a phone call he had with a customer whose home he’s worked at before.)

    Customer: “I went to take a shower and there’s no hot water in the bathroom. I want you to come over and fix it.”

    Him: “No hot water? Is there any water coming from the faucet at all?”

    Customer: “Well, I turned it a little bit and no water came out!”

    Him: “Okay. Go into the kitchen, and turn on the tap in the sink there. Tell me if you get any water. ”

    Customer: *long pause* “… okay, I get water on this tap.”

    Him: “Is it running hot?”

    Customer: “Yes, it is.”

    Him: “Well, the hot water is all on the same line, so the kitchen sink and the shower should have hot water. Are you sure you turned the tap on far enough?”

    Customer: “Now listen here! I may be blond but I dye my hair! I have dark roots, you know! I’d know whether or not I turned on the tap far enough, and I know I did!”

    (She hangs up, and a few minutes pass. The phone rings again.)

    Him: “Hello?”

    Customer: “The hot water’s working in the shower now. I just didn’t turn on the tap for long enough…”

    Don’t Press Your Luck

    , | Lowell, MA, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ***, may I take your order?”

    Drive-thru customer: “Yeah, I’ll take the double cheeseburger.”

    Me: “Okay, would you like to make it a value meal?”

    Drive-thru customer: *screaming* “DON’T INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE! IF I WANTED A VALUE MEAL, I WOULD HAVE SAID VALUE MEAL!”

    Me: “Fine, that will be $1.87 at window two.”

    (He drives up, I take his money and hand him the food.)

    Drive-thru customer: “I’m gonna need ketchup for the fries.”

    Me: “Sir, you only ordered the sandwich, not the value meal. I can ring up an order of fries now if you’d like.”

    Drive-thru customer: “No, you screwed up my order! I’m NOT paying for extra fries!”

    (Fed up, I throw some fries in a bag and hand them to him.)

    Customer: “Wait, is it too late to substitute onion rings??”

    Me: *slams window shut*

    He Obviously Gets His Smarts From Mom

    | New Lenox, IL, USA |

    Little Boy: “Can I have a medium Icee?”

    Me: “Sure! ¬†That’ll be $1.48.”

    (The little boy hands me $1.50 and I give him his change.  He scampers off to get his Icee as his dad stomps up.)

    Dad: “Can I get another medium Icee for my daughter?”

    Me: “Sure, It’s $1.48.”

    (The dad pays and I give him his cup.  By this time the boy is back, happily drinking his Icee and standing next to his dad.)

    Dad: (rudely) “WELL?! Where’s my Icee!?”

    Me: (confused) “Uh, the cup is right there, sir.”

    (The little boy is trying to get his dad’s attention to tell him where the Icee machine is located (it’s self serve). However, the dad is ignoring him and yelling at me.)

    Dad: “I PAID FOR AN ICEE, NOW WHERE IS MY ICEE!?”

    Me: “Sir, the machine is around the corner.”

    Dad: “Finally! God, are you simple or something?!”

    Me: “!?”

    How About Your Husband Buy You A Brain

    | Bay Area, California | Top

    Woman: “Your f***ing machine won’t accept my memory card from my camera!”

    Me: “That’s very strange ma’am, as our machines accept all of the memory cards that I’ve ever heard of.”

    Woman: “Well, your machines are obviously old! My husband bought me an EXPENSIVE camera, because I only like the best! You people need to get better machines! My memory card won’t even FIT in any of the slots!”

    Me: “May I see your memory card? Maybe I can figure out what’s wrong.”

    (Woman hands me her memory card huffily.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am, I don’t know how to tell you this, but this is your camera battery.”

    Woman: “…”

    (She snatches her battery out of my hands and storms out of the store.)

    On The Plus Side, You Can Cuss All You Want

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA |

    Me: “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

    Half-deaf customer: “I’D LIKE THE FISH!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, can I get you something to drink?”

    Half-deaf customer: “HE’LL TAKE THE STEAK!”


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