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    Thy Laziness Knows No Bounds

    | Canada |

    Me: “**** Restaurant, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I’d like to order a delivery.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do deliveries.”

    Caller: “So, you expect me to come all the way over… to eat your food?!”

    Me: “Umm… yeah, if you want.”

    Caller: “Goodbye!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Thy Gluttony Knows No Bounds

    If It’s So Easy, Do It Yourself

    | Connecticut, USA | Top

    (We get a phone call on a Thursday night in December, the busiest season in catering.)

    Customer: “May I speak to the owner?”

    Me: “This is the owner. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “NO, I mean the guy who is the owner.”

    Me: “That’s my husband. I’m sorry, he is busy at the moment. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “I need a catering menu emailed.”

    Me: “I can certainly do that for you. When is your event?”

    Customer:¬†”Saturday.”

    Me: “This Saturday? Like two days from now?”

    Customer: ¬†”Yes.”

    Me: “Well, I apologize but we are completely booked for this Saturday.”

    Customer: “That’s why I wanted to talk to the other owner. I spoke to him two weeks ago and he said you were not booked.”

    Me: “We weren’t booked two weeks ago, but we are now.”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve already sent out the invitations, and I need food for my party.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we are completely booked. We already have three large parties, and we just couldn’t possibly take on a fourth.”

    Customer: “Can you recommend another caterer?”

    Me: “Not really.¬†I’ve never used another caterer, so I can’t recommend one.”

    Customer: “Haven’t you ever been to a party catered by another caterer?”

    Me: “We’re caterers. We don’t go to parties. We work at other people’s parties. ¬†”

    Customer: “IT’S ONLY 25 PEOPLE!”

    Me: “Um… okay.”

    Customer: “You said you have three parties. Couldn’t you just make enough extra food for 25 people and come over and serve it?”

    Me: “You mean cater the party?”

    Customer: “No, just make some food and bring it over and serve it, and clean up afterwards. It’s fairly easy, isn’t it?”

    (I adore it when people tell me my 16 hour a day job is easy.)

    Speed Bumps With Name Tags

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (I’m picking up overstock on the floor, and an elderly lad hits my heel with her shopping cart.)

    Me: “Ow!”

    (The elderly lady proceeds to RAM the shopping cart into my foot until she succeeds in rolling over it completely.)

    Me: “OWW! OWWWWW!”

    Elderly lady: “Hmmm? Ehhh? Did I bump ya?”

    Me: “You rammed right over my foot!”

    Elderly lady: “Well, it shouldn’t be on the floor.”

    Me: “… I’m going on my break.”

    (Turns out she bruised a bone in my foot and tore a ligament by ramming into it.)

    It’s Called Sarcasm

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [hotel], this is [name]. How may I assist you today?”

    Customer: “What time do you stop room service?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t offer room service.”

    Customer: “What’s up with that?”

    Me: “We don’t have a kitchen in the hotel.”

    Customer: “Well, y’all need to get one!”

    Me: “You’re right. I will start filing for permits and hiring subcontractors and have the kitchen built before you arrive.”

    Customer: “That’s great, you truly offer excellent customer service!”

    Burned

    | Liverpool, UK | Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Health & Body, Top

    (I’m a high ropes instructor and work with kids in the forest. There are “No Smoking” signs posted all over the place, but I see a woman smoking right next to a sign.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. There’s no smoking in this area.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because it could start a fire.”

    Customer: *snottily* “Well, I’ll make sure not to do that.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you still can’t smoke in this area. There are children everywhere… the smoke’s not good for them.”

    Customer: “Well, they’re my children, so it’s really my decision to make, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Actually, as this is our property, it’s our decision. Please take your disgusting habit elsewhere.”

    Customer: “Your FACE is disgusting.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, as soon as my face starts causing cancer, you can complain.”


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