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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Just Another Day At Work

    | Shreveport, LA, USA |

    (Okay, for starters: I am wearing clown makeup, a bright pink wig, and a bright orange shirt with our store’s logo on it in HUGE font. A woman with a bible in one hand and a cross in another comes up to me.)

    Woman: “Do you work here?”

    Me: “… yes.”

    Woman: “YOU WILL ALL BURN IN H*** FOR SELLING THESE ITEMS CELEBRATING SATAN’S HOLIDAY!” *turns to customers* “…AND YOU WILL BURN FOR SUPPORTING THEM!”

    Manager, over loudspeaker: “Thank you for shopping at H***Mart! All items are now 6.66% off for the next 6 minutes, 66 seconds. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

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    This Was Before He Started Lobbing Cantaloupes

    | Canberra, Australia |

    Me: “If I can just get your signature there…”

    Elderly customer: *scribbles his name, then starts drawing on the counter*

    Me: “Uh… sir?”

    Elderly customer: *starts drawing up the side of the cash register*

    Me: “Sir? You just… sign your name.”

    Elderly customer: *doodles in the air, up and up… and then jabs me in the forehead with the pen and draws lines on my face*

    Me: “What the h***?”

    Elderly customer: “Reactions like that would have gotten you killed in the war!”

    Assassination By Whiffle Bat

    | Colorado, USA |

    Customer, to her boyfriend: “Don’t ask him. He’s the one who said he liked that other movie!”

    Me: “Um, I’m sorry? What movie did I say I liked before to you?”

    Customer: ¬†”You said that In Bruges was good.”

    Me: “Um, yeah. I actually really liked that movie. What was wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It was sad, and there was a lot of blood in it!”

    Me: “… and?”

    Customer: “You didn’t tell me there was going to be blood!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I told you it was a movie about hitmen.”

    Customer: “So?!”

    We All Snap At Some Point

    | Winona, MN, USA |

    (I work at a store that is open 24/7, and only closed for 36 hours out of the entire year.  Around EVERY holiday, there is someone who calls the store wondering if the store is open. This past 4th of July, I decided to have a little fun with it.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store].¬†How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi,¬†I was wondering if you guys were open today?”

    Me: “No, I’m the only one here to answer the phone.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, I’m out in the parking lot and there are a lot of cars parked out here.”

    Me: “Yeah, I like to drive a lot.”

    The Lion, The Witch And The Supply Cabinet

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    (Note: The women’s bathroom in our store has a large handicapped stall which also holds an 8 foot tall locked wooden storage cabinet for supplies. )

    Coworker: “Thanks for calling *** Coffee, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, is this *** Coffee?”

    Coworker: “Yes it is, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “This is the *** Coffee in *** Square?”

    Coworker: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “The one with the bathroom?”

    Coworker: “Uhhh… yes?”

    Customer: “Oh, well, I’m calling from the women’s room. The door is locked and I cant get out.”

    Coworker: “Well, if you turn the handle of the door and pull it should open.”

    Customer: “There is no handle! I’m locked in!”

    Coworker: “Okay, I’ll have someone over in a moment.”

    Coworker, to me: “Ummm… so some lady locked herself in the bathroom and can’t get out.”

    Me: “Seriously?”

    (I head over to the bathroom, letting myself in with the spare keys. There is in fact a woman in the large stall, yelling for help.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Well, your stupid door locked me into the stall and now I’m stuck in here! ”

    (I can hear her fumbling with something, but it isn’t the stall door latch.)

    Me: “Okay. Well, if you’ll just come over to the stall door, turning the knob should open it.”

    Customer: “There is nothing to turn! The door only has a handle!”

    Me: “It does. I’m standing on the other side of it.”

    Customer: “Well, then why don’t YOU open it! You’ve already kept me locked in here for a half hour!”

    (I fiddle with the lock and manage to open it from the outside after a moment, only to see the woman prying at the supply cabinet door.)

    Customer: “Oh, I came in this door. I thought that one…” *points to supply cabinet* “… led to the men’s room.”

    (Without another word, she walks out of the bathroom and out of the store.)

    Coworker: “Maybe she was trying to get to Narnia?”


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