| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: *on the drive-thru intercom* “Welcome to [coffee company]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I need an ‘E’.”

(The customer immediately pulls away from the intercom.)

Me: “What the heck’s an ‘E’?”

Coworker: “Oh, that’s for [famous lawyer]. I don’t remember exactly what it is, but he always expects us to know it. He won’t explain it if you ask. Try a [incredibly complicated drink].”

(The customer refuses to make small talk, and we notice him dump his coffee out his car window as he drives away.)

Coworker: “We must not have got it right. He’ll try the location down the street next.”

The Customer Is Always Right (And Regular)

| Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

Coworker: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I just called and made an order for delivery, but please tell the driver to wait. I have to go have bowel movements.”

Coworker: “Um, sure thing, ma’am.”

(About 10 minutes go by…)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Same customer: “You can tell the driver he can bring my food to me now. I’m done with my bowel movements.”

Not Berry Bright

| Shelton, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks up to my berry stand and motions at a pack of strawberries.)

Me: “Hello, sir. A pack is $11.”

Customer: *hands me a dollar bill*

Me: “Sorry, it’s $11 sir.”

Customer:*hands me another dollar and looks at me expectantly*

Me: “Well, I just need nine more of these.”

Customer:*hands me another dollar bill*

Me: “We’re getting there. Eight more.”

Customer: *looks at me, confused, then walks away*

Rapscallion Fun

| Kent, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yes, do you have any scallions?”

Me: “Oh yes, we do. They’re right here.”

Customer: “No, not spring onions, scallions!”

Me: “The two are the same thing. They just have different names.”

Customer: “But do you have any scallions?”

Me: “They’re right here!”

Customer: “Those aren’t scallions, those are spring onions!”

Me: “Give me a moment, let me check outside for you.”

(I go out to the prep room, pick up a crate of spring onions, turn over the ticket and write ‘SCALLIONS’ on the front.)

Me: “Here we are, the last box.”

Customer: “Fantastic! Thank you so much!”

(The customer filed a positive comment about me, and I got a pay rise!)

In Desperate Need Of A Cellphone

| Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I bought tickets online, but my printer doesn’t work.”

Me: “Okay. Well, if you want, you can print it out here.”

Customer: “Well, I actually brought my laptop.”

(He shows me his laptop with the tickets on the screen.)

Customer: “Can I get in with this?”

Me: “Yeah, here are your wristbands.”

Customer: “Okay thanks. Do I have to show my laptop at the gate or can I put it away?”

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