A Private Broadcast

| Monterey, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, how are you?”

Customer: *says several numbers*

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: *says several numbers* “That’s my zip code. Isn’t that what you asked?”

Me: “No, I just asked how you were. Did you have any coupons?”

Customer: “Oh. I’m fine.” *says even more numbers*

Me: “Was that your social security number? I didn’t need your social. I just wondered if you had any coupons.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “I also need to scan your ID for the wine.”

Customer: “No way. I’m not giving you a chance to steal my identity!”

Modern Scam-ily

| Akron, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(An elderly woman enters and approaches the counter carrying an original Xbox under her arm.)

Customer: “My grandson gave me this for Christmas and, well, I’m just not interested in video games so I was wondering if I could trade it in for money.”

Me: “Well, we can only give you store credit, not cash.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s fine. I could just give him the store credit as a late Christmas gift.”

Me: “Alright. Well, before I take it, I have to test it to make sure it works.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Hmm?”

Customer: “Why do you have to test it? I’m sure it works!”

Me: “Company policy ma’am. It’ll just be a second, I just have to plug it in right here and see if it turns on and runs a game.”

Customer: “I’m saying you don’t need to check it! Why would my grandson give me a broken game!?”

Me: “Well, then, you can’t trade it, in ma’am.”

Customer: “Fine, go ahead! I’m sure it works!”

(I proceed to plug the system in, and it turns on, but the disc tray opens on its own and refuses to close unless I force it closed while the power is off.)

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t take this system. The disc tray doesn’t stay closed and–”

(Suddenly, the woman rips the cords out of the test TV and outlet, picks up the Xbox, and storms out. While the door is still open, she smacks a young man standing outside the door in the back of the head and screams “Stupid kid, making me look like a fool just so you could get rid of your d*** broken system!”)

So Gullible It’s Hard To Believe

| Auburn Hills, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer has used the store’s emergency exit, setting off the alarms. A husband and wife walk up to my cheese display while the alarms sound.)

Wife:  “What’s that sound!?”

Me: “Oh, that’s just the employee alarm.”

Wife: “Employee alarm?”

Me: “Yes, it tells the managers that one of the employees tried to escape the building, so they can retrieve them.”

Husband: *chuckles*

Wife: *serious, eyes wide* “Oh, that’s awful!”

Me: “Don’t worry, by now they have already sedated them and locked them back in the closet with the rest of the off-duty employees.”

Wife: “They lock up the employees?!”

Me: “Only when they are not being used. It stops them from being late to work, you see.”

Wife:  “Some one needs to do something to help these poor–”

Husband:  “Dear, he is joking. That was a door alarm.”

Wife: “Oh…are you sure?”

Husband: “Yes.”

Wife: *looks relieved and walks away*

Husband: *laughs* “Thank you for that!”

Me:  “I’m glad you enjoyed it. Try some cheese?”

New at CES: Unending Serial Bus

| Ventspils, Latvia | Uncategorized

Customer: “I need an USB cable.”

Me: “For which device?”

Customer: “For my computer!”

Me: “But you will plug it in somewhere?”

Customer: “Yes, in my computer!”

Me: “But what’s at the other end of the cable?”

Customer: “What other end?”

The Bear-est Signs Of Intelligence

| Dallas, TX, USA | Top

(The customer is buying one piece of jewelry. I’m all about the environment so I try to avoid giving out bags for small purchases.)

Me: “Would you like a bag, or do you want to put it in your purse?”

Customer: “My purse is fine.”

Me: “Yay! You just saved a polar bear!”

Customer: *eyes go wide* “Plastic bags… are made out of… polar bears?!”

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