Featured Story:
  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Homeland Insecurity

    , | Santa Cruz, CA, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a man who is buying a new laptop.)

    Customer: “So, what are your ethnicities?”

    (This question didn’t strike me as odd, as people have wondered in the past.)

    Me: “Half European and half Middle Eastern.”

    Customer: “Oh, so like one of those terrorists…. just watered-down.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m not watered-down, sir.” *holds out his receipt, smirking*

    (The customer looks a bit freaked, grabs his receipt and takes off quickly with his stuff–except for his credit card.)

    Hair-Brained

    | Canada |

    (I work as a receptionist at a place where they cut little kid’s hair. ¬†This one lady walks into the store with her child and decides to get her daughter’s hair cut).

    Hairstylist: “Okay, before we start, are you sure you want this much off?” *shows length*

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Hairstylist: “Are you absolutely sure? ¬†It’s very very short, you want it ALL off of your daughter?”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes!¬†I know what I want, I know what my daughter wants!”

    Hairstylist: “Okay, if you’re sure.” ¬†

    (She proceeds to cut the kid’s hair up to the desired length. The mother then starts wandering out of the store.)

    Me: “Excuse me ma’am, may I suggest you please stay in the store? We want to make sure you see what is happening with your daughter’s cut.”

    Customer: “But I have to go shopping. It’ll be fine.”

    Me: “Yes, but we aren’t a babysitting service–”

    Customer: “I’ll be right back!”

    (The customer leaves.  The hairstylist finishes the cut and the poor kid is waiting for her mom.  She sits in a corner and plays with some toys until her mother comes back.)

    Customer: *eyeing the haircut* “What!? It’s too short! Who said I gave you permission to cut it that short!”

    Hairstylist: “But ma’am, I asked you three ti–”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous!¬†I come in here and I pay all this money and you don’t do it the way I want it!”

    Me: “But–”

    Customer: “She’s supposed to be at a piano recital today! ¬†Now she’s going to be upset and can’t play! ¬†I can’t show her to the other parents now!¬†I’m calling the cops!”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “I SAID I’M CALLING THE COPS, give me your phone!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t think the police will be interested in this. I can try and get the hairstylist to fix it for you–”

    Customer: “I’M GOING!” ¬†

    (She takes her child and storms out of the store.)

    Hairstylist: “I take it she didn’t leave me a tip.”

    Me: “She didn’t pay either…”

    (I ended up calling mall security, and she sheepishly comes back later after calming down. A few months later, she comes back and wants the same hairstylist again. Go figure!)

    Is That A Pinot Noir In Your Pocket…

    | Brookfield, WI, USA |

    (I work as a bagger at the local grocery store. An old man walks through the checkout lane with spandex pants on and what appears to be a wine bottle stuffed down.)

    Cashier: “Sir, there is no way in h*** that you are THAT well-endowed. Get your butt back here!”

    Deception School Drop-Out

    | New York, NY, USA |

    Me: “Your total is $42.98.”

    Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. Those pillows are on sale.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We just got these pillows in today. They won’t be on sale for at least a few more weeks.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! They say they’re on sale! You have to give me the sale price.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll double-check for you, but I already sold a few others today and no one else paid a sale price for them.”

    Customer: “Are you calling me a liar? Because I already checked! They all say they’re on sale!”

    (She points to the price tags on the pillows that have been haphazardly covered up by sale stickers.)

    Me: “Yes, and those sale stickers also say that these pillows are napkins.”

    Related:
    Fact Check Fail
    Fibbing Fail
    Cheapskates: FAIL
    Guilt Trip: FAIL
    Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

    Customer Service Saves Another Life

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “How many pine nuts are in your ‘Lemon Orzo with Pine Nuts’?”

    Me: “A good amount, why?”

    Customer: “Because my husband is allergic, and I was just wondering how much I’d be able to give to him.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, do you like your husband?”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “Because it could very well kill him.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: *nodding*

    Customer: “Oh…”

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