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    Rudolph The Boob-Nosed Reinder

    | California, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is Bill in the breast aesthetics department. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “My left boob popped.”

    Me: “Okay, so the implant failed?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Are your implants silicone gel or saline?”

    Customer: “The water kind.”

    Me: “So, we’ve had a saline deflation. I need to ask you some questions in regards to how it may have deflated.”

    Customer: “Why, don’t you believe me?”

    Me: “Of course I believe you, but as part of making our implants even better and evaluating where under the device’s warranty this falls, I need to know what may have led up to the implant’s leak.”

    Customer: “Oh, so you think this is my fault?! You make a crappy implant and you have the nerve to blame me?”

    Me: “Wait, wait. First, I didn’t make your implant, my company did. I’m here to help you get this fixed in the fastest way possible and that starts with finding out how the implant deflated.”

    Customer: “So you want to know what I did to screw them up, is that right? I spend a fortune on these things to be walking around with a flat tire of a tit and you think it’s my fault?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I simply need to know how to cover this under your warranty, to see how much money we are going to give you to fix the problem. We give you a check for money to fix the problem if you’ll just answer my questions. What do you remember doing when you first noticed the deflation in your breast?”

    Customer: “Me and my boyfriend were playing sex hide-and-seek in the house and he thought it would be more fun if my boobs glowed. So, he used a needle tube to insert little red lights into them… what do you call those little glowing lights? It’s like three letters?”

    Me: “… A diode?”

    Customer: “Yes. He’s a trained professional… he uses them on animals at his job all the time.”

    Me: “So, your boyfriend punched a hole in your chest and tried inserting a diode inside the implant?”

    Customer: “Well, not in my chest. Just on the top side of my boob so it wouldn’t hurt. He numbed it first.”

    Me: “… And this is the implant’s fault, how?”

    Customer: “It started leaking and getting flat.”

    Me: *laughing* “I’m sorry, can you repeat that? I’m recording this and no one is going to believe me!”

    Customer: *click*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

    Bonus Points If He Manages To Tie His Shoes

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Caller: “Yeah, I wanna come take the test to get into [trade college]. How I get there?”

    Me: “Well, sir, where are you coming from?”

    Caller: “Huh?”

    Me: “Where are you located?”

    Caller: “What?”

    Me: “You are going to be coming here FROM somewhere. Where will you be coming FROM?”

    Caller: “Oh. Um, [town west of Chicago].”

    Me: “Okay, that’s very easy. We are right off the expressway.”

    Caller: “Huh?”

    Me: “We are right off the expressway. You take [expressway] west…”

    Caller: “Huh? Suspretsway?”

    Me: “EXPRESSWAY. You drive your car on it to get places. So you take the expressway west and get off the Wisconsin freeway junction…”

    Caller: “Huh? Junction?”

    Me: “Yes, the EXPRESSWAY meets up with another EXPRESSWAY at a JUNCTION and then you get on the Wisconsin….”

    Caller: “Huh? West Carl Street?”

    Me: “WISCONSIN. Like the state that is directly north of us.”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Caller: “Huh?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, you are too dumb to take the test.” *click*

    Cross-Platform Chromosomes

    | Greensboro, NC, USA | Bigotry, Top

    (I work at a video game store, and I’m one of the few female employees.)

    Customer: *hands me a 360 box* “I need this game on the PS3.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this game is actually only made for the Xbox 360 and PC.”

    Customer: “Are you sure? I know I’ve seen it on the PS3!”

    Me: “No… the company that makes this game works exclusively for Microsoft. Sony doesn’t have the rights to sell this game on their consoles.”

    Customer: “Well, let me talk to one of the MALE employees. Maybe he can find this game on the PS3 for me.”

    (The customer walks over to my fellow employee.)

    Customer, to male employee: “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Can you show me where I can find the PS3 version?”

    Male employee: “Umm… she is correct. That game is made by a Microsoft owned company. It will probably never come out on the PS3 unless Microsoft decides to sell the rights to that game to Sony.”

    Customer: “That’s it! I’ve had enough! ALL I WANT IS THIS GAME ON THE PS3! IT SHOULDN’T BE THAT DIFFICULT! LET ME TALK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    Male Employee: *points to me* “There she is.”

    Customer: “Ah!!!” *throws game on floor and storms out*

    So That’s What Those Other Buttons Are For

    | Costa Mesa, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help?”

    Caller: “Is there a Kristie there?”

    Me: “We have a Kristie, but is she an older woman or younger woman?”

    Caller: “Older. She’s like a manager.”

    Me: “Oh… well, then you need to call the Newport Beach store. She’s at that one.”

    Caller: “Oh! Okay, what’s their number?”

    Me: *gives number*

    Caller: “Okay… now, can you transfer me?”

    Me: “Um… no, we don’t do that. We’re not a call center.”

    Caller: “Okay, so how do I call them?”

    Me: “… You dial the number I just gave you.”

    Caller: “But how do I do that?”

    Me: “You dial 1, then the numbers I gave you.”

    Caller: “Is that it?”

    Me: “Can I ask how you dialed this store?”

    Caller: “I dialed 411!”

    Me: “Have you been 411-ing your entire life with the phone?”

    Caller: “Of course. How else do you dial other people?!”

    Me: “Uhh… well, then you’re all set. Thanks and have a good day.”

    Customer Of The Week: Yoda

    | Quitting Time | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: Today
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Sometimes, Even Yoda Isn’t Enough

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