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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    (Bra)ce Yourself

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Uncategorized

    (A very elderly female customer walks up to the register and hands over an empty hanger.)

    Me: “Excuse me ma’am, but what exactly was on this empty hanger?”

    Customer: “This!” *very elderly customer lifts up shirt to reveal bra*

    Me: “Oh…oh God.”

    If You Can’t Bear Them, Join Them

    | Coral Springs, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I like that little teddy bear with the sweater. How much is it?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the teddy bear comes with this gift set of fragrance and body wash. It’s $30.”

    Customer: “No. Just the bear.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, I have no way to just ring up the bear as it comes with the gift set only.”

    Customer: “Then how do I get the bear?”

    Me: “Well, you would have to buy this gift set. It’s a very popular and only $30.”

    Customer: “No, thank you. I’ll just take the bear today. How much?”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do have a good deal for the holidays. I can sell you the bear, for only $30, and not only that, but I will throw in this fragrance gift set, just for you.”

    Customer: “Thank you so very much, dear!”

    Fowl Behavior, Part 3

    , | Kelmscott, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, sir, can I take your order?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah…can I have two whole roast chickens?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are all out at the moment. If you come back in 30 minutes, there will be some chickens available”

    Customer: “But what about those chickens over there?” *points at plastic display chickens*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but those are display chickens. They are not real.”

    Customer: *raises voice* “I reckon those chickens are real and you’re just trying to keep them for yourself!”

    (The customer stabs the chicken with a plastic knife from our tray. A chunk of polystyrene is taken out.)

    Customer: “Oh, I guess you were telling the truth. I’ll come back in half an hour.”

    Related:
    Fowl Behavior, Part 2
    Fowl Behavior
    Fowl Play

    Creative Creature Literature 101

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Top

    Customer: “Do you have How to Catch a Mole?”

    Me: “I don’t know of that book, let me check.”

    Customer: “I have to read it for school.”

    Me: “No, we don’t have that.”

    Customer: “It’s really famous. I think Dante wrote it.”

    Me: “Dante? ”

    Customer: “Or someone like that.”

    Me: “What class is this for?”

    Customer: “English Literature.”

    Me: *inspiration strikes* “You mean Taming of the Shrew!”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Defeats The Porpoise

    | Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

    Child: “Mister, how do the waves work?” *points to wave pool*

    Me: “There are big machines out the back that make the waves, mate.”

    Child: “But my daddy says there are dolphins in cages that make the waves.”

    Me: “Sorry buddy, no dolphins.”

    (10 minutes later…)

    Father: “You told my son there any dolphins.”

    Me: “There aren’t.”

    Father: “This is false advertising! Where are the dolphins! I was told there were dolphins!”

    Me: “Nope, no dolphins.”

    Father: *brief silence* “How about whales?”

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