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    Paging Miss Cleo

    | Northern Virginia, USA |

    Customer: “Do you have that movie with that guy?”

    Me: “Which guy?”

    Customer: “Don’t you know what I’m talking about?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I don’t, but if you could tell me which actor was in the movie perhaps I could think of it for you.”

    Customer: “You know, that one that was in that movie.”

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    Jesus, Now Peanut Free!

    | Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada |

    (It is Ash Wednesday and we have kids form next door come over for Mass in the morning. I’m serving as a communion minister as the kids start to come up. One little guy came up right away and just stood there with his hands at his sides looking at me.)

    Me: “Do you take communion yet?”

    Him: “Do those have peanuts?”

    Me: “?”

    Him: “‘Cause I can’t have peanuts.”

    Me: “No peanuts here, but have you had communion yet?”

    Him: “I don’t think I should, just in case there’s peanuts. I can’t have any.”

    Me: “How about we just give you a blessing then?” *I make the sign of a cross on his forehead and give him a blessing*

    Him: “Thanks, maybe next time there won’t be any peanuts. I can’t have those.”

    Me: *wonders if we should make up a “Jesus – Now Peanut Free!” sign, just in case* ;o)

    Ah, Parents…

    , | Rhode Island, USA | Family & Kids, Top

    (The phone rings at around 6-ish.)

    Me: “Hello, this is D-…”

    (I hear loud crying in the background.)

    Man: “Hello, Disney World? I’m just calling to say that if my children don’t finish their vegetables in the next five minutes, we won’t be visiting you this year.”

    Me: “I…er…what?”

    Man: *whispering* “Thank you.” *click*

    Prime Rib With A Side Of Sadomasochism

    | North Carolina, USA |

    (As I serve an order of prime rib with a side of mushrooms…)

    Customer: “Ohhh, ewww!”

    Me: “Is there a problem, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Not really, I just don’t like mushrooms.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I thought you ordered the mushrooms.”

    Customer: “Oh, I did. But I just don’t like mushrooms.”

    Gullible’s Travels

    | Northern Virginia, USA |

    (A customer walks into the video rental store toward the end of a long, tiring night.)

    Customer: “Do you have any movies?”

    Me, joking: “Nope, just sold the last one.”

    Customer: “Alright…”

    (The customer proceeds to walk out of the store.)


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