Can’t Keep Up With The Joneses

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “I want to look at my final bill.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Your room number?”

Customer: *already angry by the question* “331!”

Me: *looking at the name on the room* “331. Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “Yeah! What’s the charge?”

Me: “It’s $434.67.”

Customer: “What! That’s insane! What did you people do? It should only be a hundred dollars!”

Me: “Your bill shows a number of movie charges and quite a few items from our market here. It is 331, right, Ms. Jones?”

Customer: “That’s insane! What did you do?! I knew this was going to happen! I knew you were going to try and cheat us and we wouldn’t know it till we got home!  I read on the internet that hotels always do this! Print that bill up right now! I’m going to sue you with it!”

Me: “I’m sorry about  the confusion, Ms. Jones. Here’s your bill.  Let me get my manager so we can look over this and figure out the problem.”

(As my manager approaches, she grabs the bill out of my hand so hard she tears part of it.)

Me: “Here you are, Ms. Jones. And here’s my manager.”

Customer: *looking at bill* “This isn’t me!”

Me: “You are not Ms. Jones, in 331?”

Customer: “No! What is wrong with you?!” *turning to my manager* “Why do you let idiots work here?!”

Manager: “Ma’am, what is your last name?”

(The customer rattles off a long, hyphenated name that could not be further from Jones if she tried.)

Manager: “Then I have to ask why, when my employee asked you if you were Ms. Jones, did you say yes?”

Customer: “I don’t get paid to know who I am!”

Not Suitable For Those Who Can’t Count

| Edmonton, AB, USA | Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(I work at a theater, and this shift I was in Box Office selling tickets. A customer approaches me who had just got out of a movie.)

Me: “Hi, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I would like to lodge a complaint to your manager.”

Me: “She isn’t actually working today, sorry, but if you tell me what you need to complain about, I can make sure it gets passed onto her right away.”

Customer: “I just watched “The A-Team” and it wasn’t at all how I thought it would be. The green people were very blurry!”

Me: “I’m sorry Sir, but there aren’t any green people in the movie “The A-Team”. Are you sure you went into the right auditorium?”

Customer: “What are you talking about? There is only one auditorium in this place!”

Me: “Actually sir, we have five auditoriums, and there are different movies playing in each of them.”

Customer: “Well why didn’t you tell me that! And why was the movie blurry?!”

Me: “Well sir, the only movie we have the green people in it is “Shrek”, and that movie is in 3D, so if you are not wearing the 3D glasses it would be very blurry.”

Customer: “Well, why didn’t you give me that glasses?”

Me: “You didn’t buy a ticket for that movie.”

Customer: “Well if there is only one auditorium, when does my movie play?”

Me: “Sir, your movie is over. You went into the wrong auditorium.”

Customer: “Well, that’s all your fault!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but how is this my fault?”

Customer: “You didn’t tell me that there is more than one auditorium!”

Me: “When I sold you your ticket I told you were in auditorium 3.”

Customer: “Oh, I just thought you were stupid. So, can I have a refund?”

Another customer in line: “Get out of line, dumba**!”

Talentless Pool

| Wisconsin, USA | Family & Kids, Uncategorized

(A customer approaches the front desk.)

Customer: “Can I get a large gauze and band aid? And maybe some ointment as well?”

Me: “What happened?”

Customer: “My son swam into the pool wall, and he cut his head open.”

Me: “Is he okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, just bleeding. He’s so used to swimming in the ocean with no walls. Poor thing.”

Me: “How old is your son?”

Customer: “19.”

All Style, No Substance

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hair Salon]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was in there last week and I got my hair done by [stylist].”

Me: “Okay. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “No, I think it looks great.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m a little confused. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I’d like to come back in and have it re-done.”

Me: “Ma’am, I thought you said you liked it. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Every time [stylist] does my hair my friends all tell me how great it looks, this time no one has even noticed I got it done. I’d like to come back in and have it re-done so people will notice it.”

Me: “Well, [stylist] is very busy this week. I’m not sure if he will be able to get you in.”

Customer: “But what am I supposed to do?!”

(By this time I had looked up her name from the caller ID and found the day she came in 6 days prior.)

Me: “I was here last Tuesday and I remember when you left, your hair looked amazing!”

Customer: “Oh really? Great! Tell [stylist] I’ll see him for my next appointment in 7 weeks, and I want the color he did this time. I just love it!”

You’ve Got To Be Kitten

| Newburgh, IN, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(A caller says she’s found a kitten and is getting information on our services.)

Me: “…we also recommend spaying or neutering the kitten. This can be done around 4-6 months of age.”

Caller: “What would the cost be for that?”

Me: “A spay surgery runs about $100, and a neuter runs a little cheaper, around $70.  The spay is a bit more expensive because it’s more invasive and takes more time to do.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. I would definitely do the neuter since it’s cheaper.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the surgery depends on the kitten’s gender. If it’s a female, it’ll be a spay, and if it’s a male, it’ll be a neuter.”

Caller: “Why the difference?”

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