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    How Cute, You Learned A New Vocab

    , | Upstate New York, USA |

    Customer: “I want this particular size in this particular style of jeans.”

    Me: “Well, I don’t see your size out here, so let me check the back.”

    (I go to check the stock room, even though I know we’re out.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re all out.”

    Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You heard me; you’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “… I can check with the store across town to see if they have what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The store across town has a pair of the jeans in question. I ask the customer if she wants to go pick them up; the store will have them on hold for her.)

    Customer: “You mean I have to drive all the way across town?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “Well, if you can wait until tomorrow afternoon, we can have the other store ship them and you can pick them up here.”

    Customer: “So, you want me to wait an extra day and make an extra trip back here for a pair of jeans.”

    Me: “Or drive across town for them today, yes.”

    Customer: “You’re persecuting me.”

    Me: “…”

    Ba Dum Dum *Chhh*, Part 2

    | New Haven, CT, USA |

    Me: “I have a tall mocha.”

    Customer: “That’s me, thanks.”

    Me: “Thanks! Have a good one!”

    (She returns in less than a minute with a disgusted look on her face.)

    Customer: “What is this?!”

    Me: “That’d be a mocha latte.”

    Customer: “Does it have espresso in it?”

    Me: “Yes. ”

    Customer: “Ugh, this is the worst thing I have EVER put in my mouth!”

    Me, without a beat: “Ma’am, I highly doubt that.”

    Related:
    Bad Dum Dum *Chhh*

    It’s Not Unusual To Be Fake With Anyone

    | Nottingham, UK |

    (I work in the Asset Management Department for a provider of loans and mortgages. It means that I have to try over the phone to get money out of people who haven’t made their monthly payments in ages.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hello, is that Richard White?”

    Customer: “Yeah, who’s this?”

    Me: “Hello Richard, this is Maria calling from *** Finance. I just need to ask you some security questions before I proceed: could you please give me your date of birth?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Hello?”

    Customer: “Oh yeah… it’s… um… 3rd of December… 19… 74.”

    (This is a completely different date of birth to what is on my screen.)

    Me: “And you confirmed that you are Richard White?”

    Customer: “No… my name’s… um… my name’s Tom.”

    Me: “Tom?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Tom what?”

    Customer: “Tom… Jones.”

    Me: “But you just said you were Richard White.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    Never Piss Off A Man With A Meat Cleaver

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Top

    (It was 5:45 pm on Christmas Eve, and the grocery store I worked at closed at 6 pm.)

    Customer: ¬†”Why don’t you have any big frozen turkeys? ¬†I need a 20 pound frozen turkey!”

    Me: ¬†”Sir, we only have what’s left in the counter.”

    Customer: ¬†”Go look in the back! ¬†I know you have some hiding back there.”

    Me: ¬†”Um, sir, I put all the turkeys out already. ¬†What’s out is all we have.”

    Customer: ¬†”LISTEN! ¬†I NEED A G**D*** 20 POUND TURKEY!¬†GET IN THE BACK AND FIND ME ONE!”

    Me: ¬†”There are no more turkeys in the back…”

    Customer: ¬†”I’ll just go look myself!”

    (The customer proceeds to march through the “Staff Only” doors and is met by one of the butchers who stands 6′ 5″.)

    Customer: ¬†”GET ME A G**D*** TURKEY!”

    Big Butcher: ¬†”GET THE H*** OUT OF MY STORE!”

    And Here, We See The Customer In His Native Habitat

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (I was quietly working down my aisle when a disgruntled man stops at the end and looks at me.)

    Me: *resumes working as he is making no advances*

    Man: “Awwharhaghhsss!”

    Me: *looks up*

    Man: “TOMATO SAUCE!” *angry look*

    Me: “Uhhhh…”

    Man: *furious look*

    Me: “… aisle 10!”


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